Page 34 of It Should Have Been Me

7. Scott

Imentally count thedays. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Three days. In three days, she’s managed to completely fuck me up. She got in my head good. Today is day four, and I don’t want to even think about the wreck I’m going to be when my head hits the pillow tonight.

I was never under any illusions that Cat and I would get back together. If I thought for even a second that there was the slightest chance that we could work it out, I would’ve called her again. But I know I’m not what she wants. These last three days have solidified that. It rips me apart inside to acknowledge it, but she’s moved on. The problem is I haven’t. I’ve still got all these feelings for her, and I don’t know what the fuck to do with them. It’s got me acting all crazy. One minute I’m angry, the next minute I’m on top of her, craving to taste those lips one more time.

I’m confused and there’s no reason to be. The simple fact of the matter is what we had wasn’t enough for her. It’s a harsh reality I need to live with. I’m not what she wants anymore...and yet sometimes she looks at me like I’mallthat she wants. Shit, she got in my head good. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe I’m just projecting what I want and deluding myself into thinking she wants the same thing.

Nah.I’ve never read her body wrong. Her mouth may blow me off with taunts and subtle sarcasm, but her body told me something different last night. That body is still mine. I feel it every time I get near her. She still responds to me in the same way. Bated breaths. Parted lips. Her nipples pucker up if I just look at her.

I’m not deluding myself. She still wants me. And, unfortunately, one of the very many feelings I have floating around is how badly I want her, too. It’s like my body is conditioned to...her. She gets within a few inches of me and something switches on inside me, something that makes me crave her, something that makes me desperate to smell her, touch her, taste her. Five years later and Catalina Diaz still has me twisted into a pretzel over her.

I park behind Dylan’s car, and my dad, Peter, and I get out of my SUV. We walk up the porch stairs to the front door. Peter walks in first and I let my dad enter before me. He only recently started joining us for our basketball games on Saturday mornings, so he’s still a bit uncomfortable when he walks in. I trust Keith and Mrs. H to make him feel at home, though.

Cat is in the dining room with her foot up on one of the chairs, tying the laces of her sneaker. She’s wearing running shorts and a tight tank top, and I stuff my hands in my pockets to keep them restrained.

“Hey, short stuff!” Peter scoops her up and spins her around. “Man, it’s good to see you.”

“Hi, Peter,” she says when he sets her down on the floor again. “It’s been a while, huh?”

“Time has been kind to you. You look good.”

“Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself. How have you been? Scott tells me that you’re still resisting adulting at all costs.”

He snickers. “Yep. I’m still living my dream as an unemployed individual.”

“When are you going to do something better...or more productive with your life?” my dad asks. “You have so much potential.”

Peter turns to give him his full attention. “You know, Dylan’s mom keeps asking me the same thing, so I’m going to give you the same answer. Never. I’m never going to do more than what I’m doing right now. I can afford to be lazy, so I think I’m living to my absolute full potential.”

My dad sighs his disapproval as he walks over to Cat to pull her into a hug. “It’s nice to see you again, my dear.”

Her face beams with excitement. “It’s nice to see you, too, Eddy.”

His correction is firm, as it always is. “It’s Edward, Catalina.”

From behind him, I mouth the words as he says them because his response is so predictable. Cat giggles because she knew it was coming too. He hates when she calls him that, and he lets her know iteverytime, but she refuses to budge on it. Keith also started calling himEddybecause of her.

“Edward is so uptight and boring,” she explains, and it’s not the first time. “Eddy suits you better.”

“Anyone who knows me knows that Iamuptight and boring.”

“Only on Thursdays, dad. Every other day you’re a riot.”

A small titter escapes him before he continues the conversation. “How are you doing, Catalina?”

“I’m doing very well, thanks. And you?”

“Busy. My days don’t seem to end. I would’ve loved some help running my multi-million-dollar company, but Scott decided to become a teacher.”

She shakes her head with disappointment. “What a waste of space he turned out to be.”

“If he wasn’t my only child, I would’ve sold him to recoup my money.”

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