Page 31 of It Should Have Been Me

“Sure. Come get some.”

I hear rustling behind me as he shifts on the bed and then he lies down on his stomach beside me. I flop over to lie on the bed as well, adopting the same position, and elevating myself on my elbows. I move the bowl of popcorn between us, and for some reason, he shifts closer to me until the length of his body is flush against mine.

It feels like the million times we sat cuddling, watching movies together. Spending time with him doesn’t just feel intimate. It feels domesticated, and I start to wonder if this is what it would feel like to live this kind of life. Going to the beach together. Eating dinner together. Watching movies together. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy every minute, but I just don’t see myself doing thiseveryday.

“Best kill?” he asks randomly, breaking the silence.

I try to peel the candy off my back teeth with my tongue as I think about it. “That Venus flytrap in Saw two.”

“God, you’re sick.”

“Well, what’s yours?”

“The one where they had to give a pound of flesh in Saw five.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised, but that’s even worse.”

“It didn’t have to be, though.”

“I know,” I say, rolling my eyes because I’ve heard this a million times. “You have a bias toward Saw five.”

“I do. It’s my favorite because it’s the most realistic. If they all worked together, none of them would’ve died.” Make that a million and one times. “It’s simple math, really. All those tasks were manageable for five people, but they were so focused on their own survival, they lost a person on each task. It just highlights the selfishness of human behavior, and the world would be a better place if people just compromised occasionally.”

“That’s why you’re a great teacher, Soldier. You can find a life lesson in a horror movie.”

“TheentireSaw franchise is about life lessons, Cat. You’re telling me you just watch it for the killings?”

It feels like a trick question, but I answer anyway. “Uh...yeah. I have bloodlust. What do you want from me?”

“You’re so messed up,” he chuckles, shifting another inch.

I look over at him. “If you move any closer, you’re gonna be on top of me.”

“Yeah...” His voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “It kinda feels weird to have you on my bed andnotbe on top of you.”

There’s a stilted pause and the air in the room seems to get thicker with all the things we’re thinking but not saying. I decide to break the silence. “You’re making this...very awkward.”

He smiles. “Maybe it would be less awkward if we just got the sexual tension out of the way.”

“There’s no sexual tension.”

“You don’t feel it?” he whispers. His hand moves to my face, tilting my head so my lips are angled toward his. “I’m dying to kiss you right now.”

He leans closer, so close I stop breathing because even the slightest movement would have my mouth touching his.

I place my forefinger on his lips and gently urge him back to a safe distance. “But you can’t...because that would be cheating, and I’m not about to do that to JP.”

I thought that would get him to back off, but instead, his smile widens. “You know it doesn’t count as cheating if you just let me stick the tip in.”

It’s another inside joke that gets me giggling again, even though I really don’t want to be laughing at this situation. “You aresoinappropriate.”

“Wow, Stiff. An actual laugh? I wasn’t expecting that from you.” He gives me a coltish nudge with his shoulder. “So, it’s a no to dipping the tip, then?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“No!”

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