Page 58 of Boss with Benefits

"Well, right now they're interviewing an author who was adopted. She wrote a book about finding her birth parents. I thought you'd want to listen. We can sit in the producer's booth."

My heart fluttered, anxiety circling my belly. Derrick must have sensed my apprehension because he put a hand on my forearm and said, "All you have to do is listen. It doesn't mean you ever have to look into your own past or change anything."

"Go." Peyton shooed me off. "I'm good here."

I followed Derrick into the small producer's booth, where the A/V tech and producer sat with headphones and mics, in case they needed to chime in during the recording.

On the other side of the glass was the host, Keisha Jones, and the person she was interviewing, a black-haired woman that looked to be in her midthirties.

"It was hard," the author was saying into the mic. "I had to fly to the other side of the world to find my birth mom. There was so much shame in her. She never wanted to give me up, but she had no choice. At first, she didn't want to meet me. She comes from a different culture, one where family honor is valued above all else and it's nearly impossible to admit when you're wrong. Not that I ever thought what she did was wrong. I had so much compassion for her."

"You changed her name in your book," Keisha said.

"Yes. I promised her I would. Deciding to finally meet me was extremely hard for her. She could never handle a public outing like that."

Derrick slid his hand on my knee, and I flinched, flushing hot. Was he?—

"You're bouncing it," Derrick explained. "It's disruptive to the sound equipment."

Oh. Of course he wasn't copping a feel. Chillax, girl.

I mouthed an apology and chewed my lip instead, leaning forward toward the glass that separated us from the studio.

"Family is about more than blood," the author was saying. "My adoptive family is amazing, and they were super supportive during this long journey. And to answer your question, both families are my real family. There doesn't have to be just one. There are so many versions of blended families, and mine has expanded in this beautiful, unexpected way. It was heartbreaking sometimes. But it made me the woman I am today. I wouldn't have chosen it any other way."

The knot of anxiety I'd been carrying around for almost two weeks ratcheted up a few notches, and when the interview ended, I rushed out of the booth, needing out of the confined space. In all these weeks, I hadn't let myself think about my bio mom. Not in any tangible way.

The thing was, I could never have what the author talked about because my biological mom was dead.

Derrick ducked into the hallway. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern on his face. "Was it too much?"

"Yes. No. I don't know," I said and wrapped my arms around my midsection, shaking.

"Come here." I followed him into the empty podcast studio across the hall. I was shivering even though it was warm in the studio.

I paced, wrapping my arms tighter, but I couldn't stop shivering.

"I'll never know her, Derrick. I'll never get to ask her why or if she loved me or if she regretted giving me away. I'll never have what that woman does." I ground my jaw, holding back a scream. "I'm mad. I'm so mad at Hao Lin for coming into my life and stirring all this up. I was fine. Fine!" I screeched. "Until he came into my life."

"I shouldn't have asked you to listen to that.” Derrick’s face looked pained. “I’m sorry. I thought it would help.”

I whipped my head around and faced him. "It's not your fault. I needed to hear that. I've been ignoring the big mother-shaped elephant in the room. I've been out of sorts for weeks, and this is why. But I don't want it. I don't want any of it!"

I fell against his chest, eager for the comfort he’d given me last week. I wrapped my arms around his thick shoulders, overcome with a wave of gratitude and grief, a weird mix. Under my hands, his muscles tensed and his arms stayed firmly at his side. Confused, I released him and stepped back.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm glad you made me listen. There are obviously things I need to resolve."

He shrugged. "It was nothing. I saw it on the schedule and thought it might resonate with you."

"It did."

We stood there for a moment, and there was something in Derrick's eyes, something warm and intense that made my heart race.

He clapped his hands once and I flinched. "So, are you going to that dinner with your mom?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? I didn't do this to force you into anything."

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