Page 63 of Wandering Closer

He tickles my side, making me squirm. “When I moved back home, I looked like a completely different guy, and Jen latched onto me pretty quickly. She never left for college and loved talking about Seattle and city life. She wanted to take trips there all the time, asking to go see River’s games. She was a little materialistic about the things she liked, but I didn’t mind. I had the money to spend on her, so I did because it made her happy. There were some red flags; my family and friends were always cordial with her, but I could tell that was the extent of it. She never asked about my job or wanted to go hiking with me. WhenI bought this place, she made her distaste for it known. Still, I loved her. I planned for the future I wanted, that I thought she wanted, too. One day, she packed up and told me this small town wasn’t enough for her anymore.”

I hear what he doesn’t say. That he wasn’t enough for her anymore. Whether or not she said it, that’s what he felt. Looking up into his hazel eyes, I see the vulnerability and sadness there. Not for the loss of her, but for the future he wanted and the hurt he felt.

“You are enough, Thoren.” Reaching up, I wipe under his glassy eyes before scratching through his messy beard. “You have a kind heart and a soft soul. You fiercely protect those around you; you’re funny and witty. You’re an incredible friend, a caring son, a loving brother, and a partner beyond comparison. You. Are. Enough.”

One tear slips free from his dark lashes, bringing out the green flecks in his eyes. How can this man not see himself exactly how I do? Every single day, I am floored by him and what he does. I am going to make it my mission to get him to see just how worthy he is to have someone stay and fight for him.

“What does that future look like now?”

After clearing his throat, he looks up to the ceiling before answering, “The same, but different. I still want a wife and kids, a house filled with love and laughter, creating memories with each other to last a lifetime. I want that future here in this town, close to my parents, in this home that I built. When I saw that future before, I longed for it so deeply. It wasn’t until you entered my life that I realized I wanted those things in general, not with Jen. Now, when I see my future, I picture your belly swollen with our baby, rocking in a chair in your office that was meant to be a nursery. It’s you holding the hand of our little girl with silky black hair and Shadow at your side. My future is you, Lily.”

The lump in my throat is thick as the tears sting my eyes. “I’ve felt lost for so long. Like I’ve just been wandering through life looking for my purpose. Since the day I moved to Cedar Ridge, that purpose has slowly come into view. Every day, I feel like I am wandering closer to a future that I’ve always dreamed of. One where I can pursue my passion, feel alive, and be surrounded by people who truly see me and love me all the same. It’s clear now that I have been wandering to find you.”

Thoren pulls me on top of him, tangling his hands through my hair. His lips press against mine, hot and searing, pouring every ounce of the love that I know we both feel into it. Tyler gave me empty declarations of love, but Thoren gives me declarations of the future he plans to give, and shows me his love through every touch and every action. It’s overwhelming and frightening, but I think I’m ready for it. This man smoothed over the cracks I tried to mend on my own with every wordless gesture.

Our lips stay locked together, our passionate kisses turning into lazy and soft kisses as we enjoy being wrapped in each other's embrace. We stay that way until we both fall asleep and spend the rest of the weekend showing each other just how much we mean to one another.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

lily

Michele:

I need a girls night.

Lily:

Yes! Can I invite someone new I met in town?

Michele:

Of course. Queso and margs on Thursday?

Lily:

Sounds perfect, I’ll be there, hopefully with Amber in tow.

It’s been almost two weeks since Tyler sent the threatening text. When Thoren came home from work last Monday, he had a new phone for me under his plan. He told me I didn’t have to use it, but he didn’t want me to have to worry if or when Tyler would reach out to me next. It still surprises me the lengths he goes through to show how much he cares for me. I took advantage of it, sending my old phone to Kinsley so she could monitor the texts from Tyler. I didn’t have all that many people to update with my new phone number, so it made the switch simple.

I feel like I have done nothing but write or hike the last two weeks, or hike to places where I could write. Whenever writer’s block hit, I slipped on my hiking boots and backpack with a notebook and pens. Finding remote locations with no internet or cell service to distract me was the cure, and I was able to finish up the first draft of the book. I sent it to Andrea yesterday before running into town to hunt down Amber. Unsurprisingly, she was working at her boutique again, and I begged her to come out to dinner with Michele and me tonight. After some light bribery, she agreed, and I can’t wait to get us all together.

Now that my book is done and awaiting review and read-throughs, I have nothing to do today. As I sit on the couch debating whether to take Shadow on a hike or deep clean the house, someone knocks at the door. Shadow beats me there, her tail swishing excitedly. Pulling it open, I’m surprised to see David standing on the other side.

“Hey Lily,” his kind eyes and warm smile greet me. “Are you busy right now?” he asks, leaning down to pet Shadow, who is begging for attention.

“Nope, I am free as a bird.”

“Wonderful! I came to check on the progress in your bathroom and saw that drywall is the next step. Thoren has all the tools and supplies there, but it’s more of a two-man job. I was wondering if you would be up for helping me out?”

I haven’t talked to Thoren’s dad since dinner at their house, and the chance to spend some time with him sounds fun. “Of course. Let me get some shoes on. Thank you so much for helping me with it. Did Thoren tell you I helped with the piping? He wouldn’t let me touch the wiring though,” I tie my sneakers before following him out.

“Smart man. Not that you couldn’t do it, but you should have seen how many times he shocked himself while working on hishouse before he learned to always triple check that the power was cut,” he laughs to himself as we walk over to my cabin.

“I’ve never hung drywall, and I’m still a little timid around power tools. You might have to walk me through this a bit.”

“The only tool we should need is a drill. One will need to hold the drywall in place while the other drills it in. You can do either job, but the ceiling will be a little tricky. I think it’s phenomenal that you are so involved and learning to do these things.”

He says it all so earnestly, like he isn’t being more supportive and encouraging than my parents have ever been. My dad always put in a little more effort than my mom when it came to talking to me instead of at me, but he still never believed in me. They had all these expectations of me, and then had this equal mix of shock and indifference when I met those expectations. It was like they didn’t think I could do it, but also weren’t impressed that I didn’t exceed what they laid out for me.

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