Page 64 of Wandering Closer

I can see where Thoren gets his encouraging and supportive ways from. David patiently talks me through each step and is kind when I miss a few times and screw a hole in the drywall into the nothingness behind it instead of a beam. I know those will need to be fixed later, yet he doesn’t suggest that I should do the holding instead of the drilling.

David has a great sense of humor and keeps me laughing through the entire process. We finished the small room in two hours, which I’m sure he and Thoren could have done in twenty minutes. His gentle demeanor puts me at ease.

“Can I make you lunch? If Evelyn isn’t waiting for you to get home.”

“I would really like that. She’s probably still at the hospital, so she won’t even notice.” He waves it off as we head back to Thoren’s house.

“Is it just Amber’s mom that she goes to see? I still can’t believe Thoren asked her to do that.”

“She’s been visiting with people stuck in the hospital and rehab facility for years. Evelyn has atherosclerosis, and five years ago it caused her to have a minor heart attack. She was okay, but she had to spend a few days in the hospital. When she got home, all she could talk about was how lonely she felt, even with all the nurses and doctors around. Thoren and I visited her daily, but I was still working and River was in the middle of a season. Since then, she’s volunteered to spend time with people who don’t have family or who have long-term stays there. Her favorite is when they have babies in the NICU that need snuggling. She seems to have really hit it off with Jana though.”

I point him to a stool at the island when we get to Thoren’s as I pull items from the fridge. “She’s the type of woman I strive to be. How’s her health now?”

David looks down at his hands, squeezing his fingers. “It’s okay. It’s a heart disease that never goes away. She’s at a higher risk for heart attacks, strokes, and blood clots, but her team of doctors monitors her closely.” He lifts his head, meeting my gaze. “She’s my other half, my best friend, and the one person in this world who can brighten my day without a word. Who can fill my cup simply by sitting in silence with me. She’s given me every good thing in my life. I’m scared every day that I could lose her.”

Emotion sits hot in my throat at his words. Losing someone you love is terrifying, but so is never experiencing that love. They say you can’t miss what you never had, however that’s not true either. Being alone while knowing there is love out there changing people’s worlds every day can hurt just as bad.

“You’re lucky to have each other.”

“We are, but we aren’t the only lucky ones.” He smiles softly at me, a knowing look in his eyes. The emotions feel too heavy, and I’m not ready to think that all through yet.

“Thank you for helping today. I know Thoren will be grateful, too. He’s not thrilled that I limited the days he can work on it,”I say, placing plates in front of each of us, taking a bite of my sandwich.

“You’re good for him. When he is in on something or someone, he’s all in, and it often leads to him forgetting about himself. He would happily burn himself down to make sure the ones he loves are warm. Evelyn and I have watched it happen time and time again, so thank you for not letting it.”

I nod while chewing my food. I saw that happening, and it makes me upset that he’s been this way his whole life and people let him. That his parents have had to watch him get taken advantage of and that he just allows it to happen. His kind heart should be treasured, not exploited.

“He means a lot to me. I will happily put his needs before my own because it’s exactly what he deserves.”

David gives me a knowing smile, but drops the subject. We talk about tile and flooring options while we finish eating, and then meander outside to throw the ball for Shadow for a bit. I don’t know if it’s normal to hang out with your boyfriend’s family, but I hope it is. A part of me hopes and prays for a future that they are in, because David and Evelyn would make the best grandparents. They are the type of family I dreamed of as I kid, and what I want for my own future children.

Giving Shadow one last ear scratch, David heads toward the front door. He stops when he gets there, patting my shoulder tenderly. “One thing, Lily. He’ll give you everything, every piece of himself, and all he will ask for in return is you. Keep taking care of him, and just be you.”

His words stay with me the rest of the day. I told Thoren that he was enough and meant it. Am I enough for him? He has given no reason to believe that I’m not, but I can’t help feeling like there is an imbalance. What have I given him except more things to do and worry about? I clean the house with my mom’s words weighing me down.What do you have to entice a man if youdon’t have a thriving career? You should do it all, like I did. You can have kids and a high-powered career, it’s not like it’s hard. Lily, you don’t want to be just an added problem for a man.

Her words hurt then, and they hurt now. I was on my way to a high-powered career and I was empty inside. I had an empty relationship with a crappy partner, and spent so much time alone that I started to write out my hopes and dreams, then turned them into novels. My passion flourished through writing, but working in finance drained my soul. Moving here, I finally felt the tightness in my chest ease as I lived my life the way I envisioned it. What if she is right, though? Is it enough to have a small career that brings you joy if it means you have nothing to offer a man? Is being a good wife and a present and loving mother when the time comes going to be enough?

I contemplate it all as I make a pasta dish that will reheat nicely. Thoren has a SAR meeting after work, and I don’t want him to worry about cooking. Plus, I like to take care of him. I can’t offer much financially, but I can clean his house, cook his meals, and be his sounding board when he needs it.

Putting the heavy thoughts behind, I get ready for a night out with the girls. It’s been too long since Michele and I went out and adding Amber to the gang makes me happy. They say pain recognizes pain, and I see something in her that calls to me. Hopefully she will feel comfortable enough to open up to us, and if not, at least she will know she has people around.

I slip on a simple purple wrap dress with sandals and throw my hair in a ponytail. There isn’t much humidity up here in the mountains, but these August nights stay warm. Michele is seated at a table when I arrive, sporting a flowy summer dress as well. She envelops me in a quick hug, holding up a pitcher of orange liquid when she sits.

“Peach this time,” she says, pouring a full glass for me.

“I can always count on you. How have you been?”

“Really good, actually. I went on a date this weekend, and I think I might see him again.”

“Hey Lily,” a timid voice startles me.

I turn to find Amber in a pair of boyfriend jeans and a bright pink crop top. A long bob haircut frames her face with an adorable mess of curls, her make-up trendy with winged eyeliner.

“Jesus, how do you have an ass in those jeans?” Michele gawks.

Amber’s cheeks turn the color of her top as she takes the open seat at the round table. I smack Michele’s arm, but she has no shame. “I, uh, well it’s part genetics, part my obsession with the gym. I’m Amber, by the way.”

“Sorry, that’s Michele. Who has a delectable butt herself, by the way. I’m so glad you could make it,” I cut in, filling her glass. “I hope you like peach margaritas.”

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