Page 80 of Wandering Closer

“Yeah baby, I meant it when I said I wanted you here. This is our home now. We can even move your new couch here. Jake doesn’t need one.”

She snorts a laugh. “I actually like the idea of him having purple pillows on his couch and in the bathroom. Can we leave those? He needs some color in his life.”

“Whatever you want to take or leave, we will. And anything you want to change here, we will. It’s you and me now.”

“And Shadow, how dare you forget about our baby!” She feigns mock horror.

“Don’t go talking about babies with me. I will knock you up tomorrow if you let me,” I smack her ass and walk to the frontdoor, winking at her shocked face over my shoulder. “Come on, beautiful, we have some packing to do.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

lily

Our morning coffee on the porch is still my favorite activity, despite the late September chill. Draped in a blanket, I sip my cooling coffee, watching Thoren toss the ball Shadow left beside us.

“Are we going to do this all through winter?” Thoren jokes, perched on the outdoor sofa next to me. I moved it here when I packed up my things. Jake and Thoren spent last weekend adding on a few extra feet to the deck so we could fit it with his outdoor dining set and grill. If you ask me, it was totally worth it. If you ask Jake, he’s grumpy that he has to make a new one for his deck now.

“As long as it’s not snowing, then yes. Maybe you can turn part of this into a covered porch, then I can do this year round. Mittens, snow jackets, and all.”

His laugh is boisterous. “Anything you want, Lily. I will make it happen.”

“Good, now get your butt to work before you are late.”

With a chaste kiss, he heads inside, calling, “I love you” over his shoulder. Two weeks of officially living with the man and I still love watching his ass in those work pants as he leaves. Ithrow the ball to Shadow a few more times, finishing my coffee before retreating inside.

Andrea called yesterday to say she sent the proof copy of my book out and I should get it today. I could hardly sleep all night with a mix of nerves and excitement. Seeing the mockup of the book is not the same as holding an actual copy of all my hard work perfectly bound into a beautiful masterpiece.

I made plans to deep clean the house today until the mail comes to keep me distracted. The mail usually comes around eleven and I plan to park my bum at the mailbox until it shows. Shadow fed off my frenzied energy, trailing me through every room of the house as I did laundry, vacuumed and mopped, dusted, and even cleaned all the drawers in the fridge. I made an omelet for brunch, and then finally the clock struck eleven. I slipped into my tennis shoes and a jacket, harnessed up Shadow, and began our trek to the end of the road.

As luck would have it, the mail is waiting for us when we get there, my little package sitting right on top of it all. Without finesse, I rip it open to see the culmination of my hard work. The cover is exactly what I hoped for, perfectly done and the pages aligned. A happy tear slips free as Shadow prances around my feet.

“Do you like it too, girl? It’s really pretty, huh?” I ask, holding it out for her to sniff. She gives a bark of approval before leading me back home. Tucking the book under my arm, I flip through the rest of the mail. There’s a junk advertisement, and then a letter from Kinsley. I open it when I remember Andrea sent the book to Thoren’s mailbox. Flipping the envelope, I see it is indeed Thoren it’s addressed to.

Dread fills me, but I finish opening it anyway. Something feels off as I pull out the small stack of papers folded. Trepidation courses through my veins when I see the bill for services.My services.

Kinsley was never working pro bono for me. Thoren has been paying behind my back the whole time. Bile rises up in my throat at the total that is due. Is this the real reason he sold the plot of land a few weeks ago?

I know he’s doing this for me, but the lie and betrayal still hurts. Shoving aside the crushing weight in my chest, I rush back to the house with Shadow. Hot tears leak from my eyes as I try to brush them away, hating I let myself get tricked by a man once again.

I know I shouldn’t be putting Thoren and Tyler in the same category, but a lie is a lie. He knows how important honesty is to me. Looking around the house, all I see are walls closing in on me. I can’t be here when he comes home today. I can’t face him right now. I need time to work through my thoughts and feelings on this all.

Making a rash decision, I throw my book and the bill on the kitchen counter and grab my hiking backpack. I switch out my shoes for my hiking boots and head for the door. Shadow’s tail whips my leg in excitement, but I can’t bring her. I need some time on my own.

“Sorry, sweet girl. Mom needs to be alone for a bit, okay?” She plops her butt with the saddest eyes, so I give her a kiss, grab my keys, and head out the door.

There’s only one place I want to go where I know I’ll be able to clear my head and think rationally about this. Putting Marge in park, I throw on my backpack and start the hike to the waterfall. The weather is brisk, but the trees provide shelter from the nip of the wind. By the time I make it to the clearing, I am warmed up, angry, but most of all, hurt.

I feel the loss of Thoren instantly when I realize I don’t have a blanket to spread out because he always brings one for us. Instead, I find a grassy spot, and plop myself down to pull out my water bottle.

The mournful whisper of the water cascading over the rocks mirrors the ache in my heart, amplifying the emptiness I feel. This is supposed to be my place to feel at peace, but today it feels anything but.

My brain is muddled with everything we have been through in the last few months. Thoren took the shattered pieces of my heart and meticulously glued them back together through words and actions. He wove pieces of his own heart in with it, forever making him a part of me.

He has brought so much joy, laughter, and love into my life. He’s the reason I have been able to fight back, to stand on my own, and to take back some of the power that has been stripped from me over the years. How can he be the one who stood up for me against Tyler and my parents, and be the man who broke my trust again?

I know he wouldn’t have lied unless he felt he had a good reason to. Would I have let him pay for the lawyer if he asked? Or would I have found a crappy, cheap lawyer and hoped for the best while pinching pennies? I probably could have found one that only requires payment if they win, but they wouldn’t have been Kinsley. They certainly wouldn’t have been someone who is as much in my corner as Thoren and my friends.

Am I overreacting, because the thing he lied about was to do something that is monumentally amazing? I hate that he lied and hid this from me, but if I really think about it, I can see both sides. I can see my right to be upset, but I can also see his justifications for keeping this from me.

---