Page 33 of Wandering Closer

“You shouldn’t be. He was rightfully pissed for your sake, just like I was. We both hope you and DeWitt take the bastard down. He’s really excited to meet you though, and I promise he won’t bring up anything but baseball.”

When I drive up to her house, she waits for me to open her door which makes my dick stir again. I’ve picked up on a possible praise kink with her, so I decide to test it again. I walk her to the door, and as she unlocks it, I gently tug her waist to turn her toward me.

“You are brave, facing the demons in your past, and I am so proud of you. Lily, you are such a genuine soul and I love every moment I get to spend with you. Let me know when you call DeWitt and the date you guys decide on for the game and meeting, okay?”

Her breathing turns slow and shallow, her eyelids heavy over stormy blue eyes. Her perfect lips part on a soft exhale, “Okay.”

A small smile plays on my lips at her reaction. I was absolutely right. Tucking her hair behind her ear, I place a gentle kiss on her forehead, “Have a good night, Lily.”

My boots crunch on the gravel back to my truck where I wait until she is locked in her cabin before backing up and heading home. The short drive fills me with satisfaction that she is so close. Shadow greets me at the door, her tail wagging a mile a minute.

“Hey my girl, how was your day? Sorry I was gone so long, I was with Lily. Yeah, your other favorite human,” I talk to her as I give her a full body rub down. Should I be embarrassed that I talk to my dog like she’s my kid? Maybe, but I’m not.

Shadow was kind of my savior when Jen and I broke up. She was just a little squirt, and she only met Jen a few times, but she kept me busy and distracted after so I couldn’t wallow. Lily is the first woman Shadow has spent time with besides my mom, and they both got attached quickly. I worry that one day Lily might leave our lives and Shadow will feel the loss as deeply as I will.

I push that thought from my mind, instead focusing on the fact that today she let me hold her. She let me wrap her up in my arms, and hold her hand, securing that nothing has ever feltso right. Her small body fit well against mine. She has to feel the strings pulling us together, that everything feels like it’s falling into place when we are near.

Seeing her be so genuine and selfless, so utterly and unapologetically herself today was the highlight of my week. She let herself feel all her emotions out in the open which just made her more endearing. On top of that, she has had a rough week and still felt more for a stranger than for herself, taking the time to make her feel better.

That is something in all my years of knowing Jen that I never once saw her do. Her feelings and what was happening in her life were always at the center, just the way she liked it. I didn’t realize how much I disliked that about her until I watched Lily today. Jake and River tried to tell me how self-centered she was, constantly asking me what the last thing she did for me or to support me was. I never listened because I liked taking care of her. I didn’t think I needed someone to take care of me back.

Seeing Lily care for a stranger, my dog, and even me is changing that perception. Maybe it was just Jen’s care that I didn’t desire, or maybe it was that I knew she wasn’t capable of putting others before herself. But now, I crave Lily’s attention and time. I want her to put her focus on me, with quiet mornings drinking coffee together and making meals together. I know what that feels like with her now, and I’m not willing to let it go.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

lily

Isoak up the warm sun on my small balcony, watching the wind blow through the trees. I let my thoughts wander to yesterday, focusing on Amber, Sherry, and my potential lawyer. In between all of that, I let myself be consumed by thoughts of Thoren.

Every time I think about how much my life has changed recently, I can’t help but consider calling my parents. I want them to know what is going on in my life. More importantly, I want them to be proud of me and to be actually interested in what I’m doing. The last text I sent to them said I was moving to Washington, asking if there was a good time for me to call. My mom responded by asking what job I had gotten here and when I replied I was pursuing writing full time, I never heard back from them.

My phone sat heavy in my hand, my thumb hovering over my dad’s contact icon. I debated taking the plunge and just calling, but decided against it. If they wanted to be in my life, they would make the effort. Instead, I click on Andrea’s name. I know it’s Sunday, but she’s always working and willing to take my call.

“I’m important again,” her cheery voice comes through the line.

“Oh, hush, we just talked two weeks ago.”

“Too long, if you ask me. Good timing though, I was just going over cover artist options for your book and was going to send them to you. Swap me to video and we can go through these together.”

See, always working. I transfer to video as her smiling face overtakes the screen. She’s always polished, a full face of makeup, with a silk blouse and slicked back pony. I, however, have a nest of hair piled on my head, not an ounce of makeup on, and a coffee stain on my shirt.

“Okay before we get into the cover options, how’s the book coming? Did you meet with the baseball player yet? Oooh, lightbulb! Can we use him as a cover model? Oh my god, I looked him up, women would go feral over him in his tight baseball pants with no shirt,” she rambles like this is already a done deal.

“Absolutely not. Nope. Not happening. He is already doing so much for me and I will not ask that of him. I’m a little over a third of the way complete. I’m meeting with River soon. He found a lawyer to go against Tyler that I’m calling tomorrow. The hope is to meet both of them on the same visit to Seattle. Plus, I was thinking of going illustrated for this cover.”

The thought crossed my mind for half a second to ask River to model for the cover, but I don’t want to take advantage of people, and the more River continues to do for me, the less I want to use that. That mindset only got deeper engrained when Tyler used me, and now I was hypersensitive to everything I asked of others. My mom harped it into me from a young age that you never use anyone’s status or overstay your welcome. She ensured I knew I was to make my own success to be able to offer others, specifically a man. I believe her exact words when she decided on my majors for me in college were,As a woman, you should be seen and not heard, and your successes should speak for themselves.She didn’t seem to see the misogyny andcontradicting nature of her thinking though.It’s how women should be raised, Lily. To honor their father and mother in preparation of honoring their husband.

I honored Tyler, and look where that landed me. I can stand on my own two feet with my career, yet that still isn’t enough for her. It’s not a career she can proudly wave in front of her friends and our family, so no matter how successful I become, it will always be an embarrassment to her. It’s the same thing Tyler told me when I finally admitted to him that I was an author on the side.You write porn Lily, that’s not an accomplishment.

Andrea lets out a long whistle, “There’s a lot to unpack there. First, I am so damn happy you are taking action against him and that company. That’s a hard step and you’re doing it. I hope you burn that place to the ground. Back to the book cover, though… illustrated and not a sexy man… can you at least sneak a picture of him for me when you meet him?” she jokes, but I hear the seriousness behind it. “How are you feeling about the book so far? I have been beyond thrilled with the chapters and was going to send back a few notes this week.”

“I’m not commenting on the creepy photo taking. I am really happy with where the book is going. I think this might be my best book yet, and with River and Thoren’s help, I think it has the potential to be a bestseller.” I want to be humble, but the words have been flying from my fingertips lately. Having an inside look into the professional baseball world will draw my readers in even more. “Now, let’s look at those cover artists.”

We discuss the different style options, prices, and availability, ultimately deciding on a newer illustrator with incredible skills. I explained what I was picturing, and Andrea was fully on board with it. With that conversation behind me, I researched everything I could find about Kinsley DeWitt. From what I found, Thoren was right. She is a beast in the courtroom and has a history of defending women in the workplace. I stillcan’t believe that he found her and she’s willing to take me on pro bono, but I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

When the sun sinks behind the trees, the rays of light creating hues of orange and pink, I realize I’ve spent the entire day on my balcony. Tomorrow I will get back on the productivity train and go for a walk, paint, and call the lawyer. I should probably do a quick whole house clean too, and make a grocery list. The notebook that lives on my little side table is in my hand in no time as I write out my to-do list for tomorrow. My phone pings in my lap, but I ignore it until my list is complete.

Thoren:

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