Page 55 of Zane

He hadn’t found any contact for her on his phone, and he hadn’t been able to find her on any of the social media sites, which meant she’d probably blocked him. That didn’t bode well for him getting the answers he wanted.

The best-case scenario in their current situation was that he’d make contact with Sarah, and she’d be married or in a serious relationship. He’d get the answers to his questions, and then hopefully be able to move on with his life.

And yet, he also didn’t want her to be married.

Zane lifted his hands and dragged his fingers through his hair, then massaged his forehead. The tug of war between wanting to be with the woman he still loved and wanting to do the right thing as a Christian man was intense. It was a battle he’d never imagined having to fight.

Kayleigh shifted her chair over to sit right next to him. She hooked her hand through his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. “You were happy when you called to tell us you’d eloped with Kelsey. You were so excited about the future you were going to have together.”

“But no one else was happy for us.” He didn’t remember that, but he’d been told about the family’s reaction.

“We were confused,” Kayleigh said. “When you and Sarah broke up, you were devastated. It was rough to see you in that state. You were so hurt, and you said that you were going to just focus on your career. No more relationships. You were adamant that it was going to be years before you dated again. Then I think it wasn’t even a year, and you suddenly started dating Kelsey. You brought her home for Christmas, and thenboom, six months later you tell us you’d gotten married. It was… perplexing, to be honest.”

“I wish I could tell you why it happened that way, but I have no idea. Feeling how I do about Sarah, I can’t believe I was able to move on like that. I think that’s why I’m struggling with it myself,” he confessed. “And I don’t know what to do.”

They sat quietly for a couple of minutes, with the sounds of the fire popping and murmured conversation filling the night air. Normally, he would have liked the atmosphere, but that wasn’t possible when his personal life was such a mess.

“I think you need to talk to Kelsey about all of this.”

“Nope.” That was a hard no for Zane. “Can you imagine that conversation? Telling her I need to talk with the woman I love to get some closure? I’m not sure that would go over very well.”

Kayleigh sighed. “Yeah, that might not be the best way to approach it.”

“Definitely not.”

“How about the two of you going to counseling?” she suggested. “It might be that you need some professional guidance through this.”

That wasn’t the worst idea, but Zane just wasn’t sure he was ready to take that step. But if he wasn’t, what was he waiting for? He just didn’t know.

Yes, he was waiting to see if his memory returned, which would solve a lot of the issues he was facing. But how long did he wait before moving in a different direction?

And did he want to move in the direction of counseling and trying to force feelings for a woman he didn’t know?

There was a small part of him that wished Kelsey would just give up on him and walk away. That was a cop-out, though. While that would be easier for him, he knew it wouldn’t be easier for Kelsey.

“I wish we knew Kelsey better,” Kayleigh said. “And I wish we had witnessed your relationship more.”

“Why?” Zane asked.

“Because then we could share our perspective on what you had with her. Kelsey’s emotions are so tied up in what’s happening that it’s hard for her to be able to talk about how things were between you without it hurting her more. If we could tell you what we saw between you two and what we knew of Kelsey, it might help encourage you to give her a chance.”

What she said made sense, but there was no changing it now. For whatever reason, he and Kelsey hadn’t shared their lives with his family. Whether that was by choice or because they lived away from Serenity, he didn’t know. Maybe that was something he needed to ask Kelsey.

The idea of another conversation like that with Kelsey made him feel a little sick to his stomach. Because of his lingering feelings for Sarah, in some ways, his personal conversations with Kelsey felt a bit like he was cheating on her. Which was ridiculous.

The craziness of the situation made his head hurt, and his heart hurt even more.

He needed to talk to Sarah. It seemed that having her tell him that she had moved on and there was no hope for them would be the first step in moving forward himself.

Zane sighed deeply, and Kayleigh echoed him.

“We’re all praying for you,” Kayleigh said. “And I believe God will work things out for you if you truly trust Him and seek His will for you and Kelsey.”

Kayleigh’s words made him wonder again how he’d drifted away from the faith he’d once embraced.

So many questions. So few answers.

It had seemed that his life was following a fairly straightforward path with regards to his career and his romantic relationship. But something had happened in the past few years that had changed the direction of that path in all areas of his life.

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