Page 99 of Caged Bird

A little hand tugged at my long skirt; one Eve had taken me to buy during the week. It swished around my legs in a pretty display of color. The flowing top in a matching fabric covered the worst of my scars, and I’d even rubbed some fake tan into my skin, the smell triggering sweet memories from the times I’d spent at Eve’s club, browning myself up before taking to the stage. I barely even recognized myself in the mirror. There was color in my cheeks again, and the dark circles beneath my eyes had lightened. I’d spent hours one night locked in the bathroom with Lyric, who’d cut all the remaining matting out of my hair, and soaked it with a deep conditioning treatment, so now it was soft and fluffy.

I felt pretty for the first time in a long time, and I glanced down at Otis, smiling at him, because unlike everything else in my life, he was the one thing I was completely sure about.

I smoothed back his dark hair, also recently cut by his new Aunty Lyric.

He was thriving, surrounded by so much family. I wanted to be too. But so much of my head was still stuck in that house in the woods.

Not just with Eddie.

But with Zane too.

I fought off the tight, restrictive bands that tried to wrap themselves around my chest.

“Can we play the party games now?” Otis asked.

I grinned. “As soon as your cousins and everyone else gets here.”

He’d been talking about party games all week, ever since Lexa had asked him if there’d be any. She’d had to explain to him what they were, and his face had filled with excitement.

So of course, we’d planned a whole afternoon of fun, and now he was like a golden retriever, running around the yard with a case of the zoomies.

Augie and Ophelia’s small house and yard got fuller by the minute, and so did my heart. So many people turned up to welcome me home, many I knew, but many I didn’t.

There were new partners. New friends. New babies. Children who had grown. My friends’ and families’ lives had moved on in the past five years.

But I feared mine was always going to be stuck in the past.

Eve pushed a glass of wine into my hand, and I drank it down, probably a bit too fast, but needing the way it calmed the screaming in my head to something more manageable.

But my eye kept searching Zane out in the crowd. He was everywhere I looked, Otis often up in his arms, and I found myself seeking him out time and time again as well, like he was a safety blanket that both my son and I needed to be near.

By the time the party ended, and I’d tucked Otis into the bed in the attic bedroom Augie had cleaned out for him, Zane’s arms were the only place I wanted to be. Avoiding him wasn’t working, and I couldn’t hold out any longer.

He closed the door of the bedroom I already thought of as ours, and pressed my back against the wood, dipping his head to capture my lips in a slow, soft, sensual kiss that spun my head. “I barely saw you all night,” he whispered.

“There were so many people to talk to.” I stroked my fingers across the nape of his neck and encouraged him to lower his head again.

He obliged, his mouth landing on mine. I instantly deepened the kiss, and he followed my lead, our tongues stroking, our bodies melding into that perfect shape where every part of us connected and came alive.

Our clothes were on the floor in minutes, and he was carrying me to the bed, pulling back the sheets impatiently, both of us needing that soul-deep connection that came when he was inside me.

My back hit the mattress, and he was on top of me in the next instant, kissing my neck, whispering how beautiful I was, his lips moving across my skin.

I widened my thighs, inviting him into my body by lifting my hips, my pussy greedy for his cock. And he sank in deep, a perfect grind, bottoming out and pleasure shooting through my spine.

But I didn’t close my eyes. I stared at his face, memorizing every line, every feature, every breath that misted across his mouth.

I wanted to hold him forever. And panic lit up inside me at the very thought of not having him this close. I slowed us down, forcing the thrust of his hips to draw out to long, leisurely movements that prolonged our pleasure.

But also kept him with me longer.

It was good though. Every push inside my body had me floating higher, my brain shutting down, my body taking control until we were moving too fast again, both of us chasing down pleasure, using each other to reach it and loving every second.

My orgasm drove him into his. He came with my name on his lips, whispered words of love on his tongue I wanted to swallow up so they would be with me always.

And I whispered them back, loving this man with every beat of my heart.

Even though I knew I couldn’t.

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