Page 100 of Caged Bird

Exhausted and sweaty, he rolled us, so he was on the bottom, and I was laid out on his chest. His fingers trailed up and down my back, familiar now with every scar and lump. He’d loved on every single one of them until I no longer worried he would find them hideous.

They weren’t. They were a part of me, just like everything else that had happened.

He’d accepted it all without question.

But I hadn’t.

“This is over, isn’t it?” he whispered quietly into darkness.

I breathed out so slowly it was barely audible in the silent room. “I don’t want it to be.”

“I don’t either. But this isn’t healthy either. And I think we both know that.”

I lifted my head to look at him in the darkness. “I love you.”

He bit his lip and nodded. “I know. I love you too. But you fell in love with me in a situation where there was nothing else. No happiness. No kindness.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “No choice.” He stroked his fingers down the side of my face. “You didn’t choose me. I was just the first person to show you kindness.”

“I can’t breathe when I’m not around you. It physically hurts.” I shook my head. “I want to love you, Zane. God, I want to love you so much. But I don’t want to be dependent on you. Or anyone. Ever again. Eddie made me rely on him for everything, and it nearly got me and Otis killed. I can’t have that again.”

“I would never,” he whispered.

I pressed my finger to his lips. “I know. I know you wouldn’t do the things he did. But my whole life has been in limbo for more than five years. I don’t know who I am or what I want or what I need. Only that this thing between us feels special, and I don’t want to ruin it by trying to keep it when it’s not yet mine to have.”

My bottom lip trembled, and it was on the tip of my tongue to take it all back. To shove the words back down my throat and pretend like I’d never said them.

But we both knew I couldn’t.

I fell asleep on Zane’s chest, lulled by the steady rise and fall of his chest and his warm heat beneath me.

But when I woke in the morning, my bed was cold.

He was gone.

Without a note. A number. Or any way of contacting him.

28

FAWN

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Itidied my desk while I waited for my computer to shut down, dusting off the framed photo of me and Otis, our faces squished together, both of us grinning widely at the camera. I put it back in its spot, tucked my headphones in their case, and popped them in my purse.

The computer made its final groan before it silenced, and I gave it a quiet nod, relishing in the satisfaction that always washed over me at this time of day.

I was pretty sure I was the only weirdo who absolutely loved every second of spending their workday in a little cubicle without a window. But I loved that cozy space, with the cute green succulent Eve had given me to wish me luck on my first day, and the smart black jacket I’d bought with my own money, that now hung on the back of my chair on a semi-permanent basis, ready for whenever the office air-conditioning was too cold.

I straightened my suit skirt and blouse and picked up my purse, smiling and waving a goodbye to Suzette, my boss, who smiled back and told me to have a good night.

I thanked her, wished her the same, and headed for the door.

I was halfway out of it, when a man skidded to a stop in front of me, a briefcase clutched in one hand, suit jacket in the other. “Fawn!”

I blinked but didn’t flinch. Liam was a familiar sight, since his law firm was right next door to my office so I saw him semi-regularly, either accidentally when we were both waiting in line for coffee at the café two doors down, or on purpose, because he was lovely enough to invite me to lunch with him and his family or his work colleagues on a near weekly basis.

I was pretty sure that had started because Eve had asked him to watch over me. He’d been the one to tell me about the entry-level bookkeeping position at the building next to his, and though I hadn’t ever completed the course I’d started before I’d been taken; the company had liked me enough to offer the position, which had included on-the-job training. I was back in night classes, throwing myself into learning again and completing the certification I’d begun.

Liam and I had become friends, which hadn’t been hard, because the man was friends with everyone. He was impossible not to like, and I’d appreciated having him close by, a familiar face on days where I’d felt wobbly.

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