Page 148 of The Winslow Brothers

I grimace at the mere idea that Katelynn feels like she let me down. But before I can chime in, Dr. Winters is redirecting the question to my twin.

“And what about you, Belle?”

Belle looks at me and then back at Dr. Winters. “To be honest, I was a little shocked because I don’t know why she wouldn’ttell me that. It’s as if Sophie felt like she needed to hide it from me, and that makes me feel sad. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to hide anything from me.”

“Why do you think she would hide something like going to therapy from you?”

“I don’t know.” Belle shrugs. “Maybe because she thought I would judge her?”

Shit. That makes me feel even worse than Katelynn’s answer.

“Sophie? Do you have anything you want to say to your sisters after hearing their responses?”

“I do.” I sigh and resign myself to stay on this open and honest track, no matter how difficult and bumpy it feels. “Katelynn, you haven’t let me down. Anytime I’ve really needed you, you’ve dropped everything for me. Take Thursday, for example. You took time off work, found a babysitter for the boys, and came into the city to be with me. And even though I didn’t expand much on what was going on, you were there, helping me take my mind off things I wasn’t ready to face. Just being exactly what I needed from my big sister.”

“Really?” Katelynn questions, and tears start to form a small sheen over her eyes.

“Really. I love you. And I’m incredibly grateful for you.”

“Ditto, Soph.” One small tear slips down her cheek, and that spurs emotion to form behind my own eyes.

“And what about Belle?” Dr. Winters asks me. “Is there anything you want to say to her now that you’ve heard her initial reaction to your being in therapy?”

“Belly, I love you, dearly, and even though there’re times you can have dramatic reactions to things, if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you will never judge me. You will always accept me for who I am.”

“I will, I swear.”

I nod. “I know.”

“I love you too, by the way.”

I smile at her, and before I know it, all three of us Sage sisters are blubbering into tissues that Dr. Winters places in our hands. She gives us a minute to get it together but, eventually, keeps the session moving in a productive direction.

“Sophie, have you told your sisters why you started therapy and why you decided to stay in therapy?”

I shake my head.

“Are you ready to tell them?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. But then, I nod. “I guess that’s probably why I brought them here, huh?”

Dr. Winters smiles knowingly. “I think it is.”

I look at both Katelynn and Belle, and once I find the strength and the right words, I tell them why I started therapy. That after Mimi died, I took it pretty hard and needed someone neutral and outside of the family to talk to, and how I think that was mostly because I didn’t want to burden them with my grief when I knew they were grieving too.

I tell them about how my sessions with Dr. Winters morphed from Mimi to the fact that I had other baggage I needed to claim. I tell them about my issues with obsessing over the future. Over marriage. Over relationships. And that it had gotten to the point where I wasn’t even giving any man a shot if I didn’t think he checked off all the things I wanted and needed in a husband.

“I guess the reason I wasn’t telling you guys anything about this is because I felt like some kind of abnormal freak, you know?” I continue. “I didn’t feel like I had any reason to have this baggage even though I had it. I mean, our parents are happily married. Our childhoods were normal. And you guys were in healthy relationships and didn’t appear to have any of the problems that I do.”

“Oh, but I definitely had them,” Belle answers, and I turn to look at her with surprised eyes. “And I probably should’ve been talking to Dr. Winters too at one point.” She grins. “Luckily, John is so damn patient that he knew how to work through things with me.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I was super insecure about myself. With every guy I dated. Always feeling like I wasn’t good enough. And it wasnotgood for relationships, let me tell you,” Belle explains. “It wasn’t until I met John that I was able to find some clarity and build the confidence that I should have inside myself.”

“Do you think it was you or John that helped you with those things?” Dr. Winters asks, and Belle lifts her hand up in a so-so gesture.

“A little of both. Mostly, I think it had to come from deep within myself. But I think I was also lucky I had a good man beside me who wasn’t adding to my toxic tendencies.”

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