Page 147 of The Winslow Brothers

My heart tells me it’s probably a lot of both.

But the temptation to see what he has to say is so real that I even find my finger hovering above the screen, just one tap away from giving in to the urge.

“Sophie?” Dr. Winters’s voice yanks me back to the present, and I quickly shove my phone back into my purse, mortified of my appointment faux pas.

Especially becausethisappointment is different from all the rest. More important probably, too.

“So sorry,” I apologize and look beside me to where Belle and Katelynn sit. “My phone is on silent now. Promise.”

“Let me guess…Jude?Again?” Belle asks, and I just offer a small nod.

Belle knows most of the sordid details of my Jude situation, but my eldest sister is mostly clueless. She knows I was seeing someone and it ended badly, but that’s about it.

When Katelynn met Belle and me for brunch last Thursday, the day I was at the peak of my mental breakdown after I kicked Jude out of my apartment, I’d felt so numb from telling Belle everything that I couldn’t do anything that day but keep myself distracted and avoid rehashing everything both in my head and out loud again.

And for the past week, I’ve continued to give avoidance my best college try. Although, the persistent attempts by Jude through texts and calls haven’t been helping.

I just don’t understand why he’s trying to reach out to me. Because he feels bad? Because he wants to try to go back to when we were just two people having wild and crazy fun?

Anyone’s guess is as good as mine. And truthfully, knowing Jude’s past, I probably don’t want to know the answer. A player tiger can never change his stripes and all that jazz.

Both Dr. Winters and Katelynn look at me curiously, but my therapist is the first one to ask me outright.

“What’s going on with you and Jude?”

“Nothing,” I say, and I hate that those words are my reality. “I ended things with him. Well, it was kind of a mutual decision, I guess. A chaotic, drama-filled mutual decision.”

“What happened?” Katelynn asks, and I stare down at my hands on a deep inhale of breath as I try to push the tightness out of my chest.

“I guess you could say our relationship had started out as a fun, no-strings-attached kind of thing, but over time, I grew feelings for him. I even felt like he was feeling things for me, too. But when I confronted him about it, he said no.”

Both Katelynn and Belle reach out to tenderly pat my shoulders.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dr. Winters says, and her voice is soft with the kind of sympathy that could have the power to bring back those stupid tears.

Tears I don’t think Jude Winslow deserves from me.

“Is it wrong if I ask her what her feelings for him were?” Katelynn directs her question to Dr. Winters. “Is that too pushy?”

“What do you think, Sophie?” Dr. Winters asks, glancing between my eldest sister and me. “Is Katelynn’s question too pushy for you? Or are you willing to answer it?”

There’s a large part of me that doesn’t want to answer, but that would defeat the whole purpose of asking my sisters to come to this appointment with me.

“It’s okay, Kate,” I finally say and offer a small, albeit pathetic, smile in her direction. “My feelings, well, I…was in love withhim.Amin love with. Currently trying not to be in love with him.”

“That…sucks,” Katelynn responds, and I let out a humorless laugh.

“That it does.”

“So, tell me, Sophie,” Dr. Winters begins, switching gears a little. “What made you decide to bring your sisters to today’s appointment?”

“Well…” I pause and try to find the right words to a difficult question. “I’m not entirely sure why I wanted them here, but I think it’s because I just need them to know more about me. More about what’s going on with me.”

“Good. I think that’s great, Sophie,” Dr. Winters says, nodding, and then she directs her focus toward Belle and Katelynn.

“How did it make you two feel when you found out that Sophie has been going to therapy?”

“I mostly just felt like I dropped the ball somewhere along the line.” Katelynn is the first to answer. “I’m busy with my toddlers and my job and my husband, and I feel like I haven’t been there for Sophie as much as she needed me to be.”

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