Page 57 of Fitch

“But he’s worth it. He’s, um... he’s just really fucking great.” He laughed, his cheeks tinting pink.

“So the tiredness isn’t from lack of sleep by worrying all night, but rather he who shares your bed?”

His smile became a grin and he scoffed as he shook his head. “Like you can talk. A little bratty birdie you may know told my little birdie all about it.”

I looked around the offices, the glass walls, the people working, but no one was paying us any attention. “A little bratty birdie, huh? Pray tell, what has my little bratty birdie been whistling about?”

Nolan laughed and put both his hands up. “No details. Well, not to me. I’m sure he tells Benji all about it though. Those two are terrible when they get together.”

I found myself smiling despite myself. Little bratty birdie indeed.

“He’s... uh, he’s trouble, that’s what he is.”

“Your smile tells a different story.”

I shot him a glare for calling me out like that, but then I rolled my eyes. “I’m seeing him again tonight,” I admitted quietly. I probably should talk to someone about this and maybe Leon and Marek were a better fit, but Nolan was sitting across from me and asking questions, so... So, Nolan it was. “We’re moving on from one night per week to two nights per week. He has a basket of clothes in my wardrobe and his own toothbrush in my bathroom.”

Nolan’s smile became a knowing smirk. “Sounds serious.”

“It’s absurd how fast this has become... something it was never supposed to be.”

“Or,” Nolan began, his smile turning wry, “you could just roll with it.”

I sighed, because sure, that was so much easier said than done.

“For what it’s worth, Dominic,” he said, serious now. “Benji said Fitch is happy. Happier than he’s been in a long time. And that he likes you. Whatever you do to him,” he said. Then he put his hand up. “I don’t want the details, but whatever it is you two have going on is what Fitch needs.”

I stared at him for a long moment, the urge to say it’s what I need as well was right on the tip of my tongue...

But I didn’t say it.

“And you need it too, I’m guessing,” Nolan said. My gaze shot to his and his smile turned wry. “You’ll get no judgement from me, you know that. We like what we like, and if we’re all consenting adults and happy, then what’s the problem?”

I sighed and Nolan stared at me for a long beat.

“The problem,” he answered for me. “The problem is you like him. You have feelings for him and it scares the shit outta you.”

I winced and covered my face with my hands before running them through my hair.

“And this is part of the problem,” I said. “The fact you can pick me apart in under two minutes means that whatever Fitch has done to me isn’t good. I feel... exposed. Like he’s blown me wide open.” I shook my head, exasperated. “I don’t know... I don’t know what to think or what to feel. He’s young, he’s going to move on eventually. How do I know if he likes me for me or is just after the money? He’s a rent boy for fuck’s sake,” I whispered.

Nolan leaned forward, his eyes defensive and furious. “He’s a grown man who was dealt a really shitty hand in life, and he finds solace with you. Don’t you dare lessen his humanity by what position he found himself in, because that means you think less of Benji too, and I won’t fucking stand for it.”

I cringed back, mad at myself. “No, that’s not what... that’s not... fuck. Sorry. I know that. I don’t think any less of them. I don’t, honestly. But you’re right. I have feelings for him, and I worry about what that means for me when he wants to move on. I haven’t let myself feel this way in...” I sighed. “A long time.”

Nolan sat back in his seat. “And?”

“And I worry... what do I tell people?” This was so fucking stupid. “What do I tell people when they ask how we met? Or what he does for a living? It’s not exactly legal and—” I motionedbetween us. “And we are public defenders, Nolan. I’m also twenty-six years older than him. Twenty-six years. Jesus Christ.”

“Then end it,” he said flatly.

I stared at him, stunned. “What?”

“Break up with him. Tell him your agreement is over.”

The thought alone made my heart squeeze painfully. “Why? That’s not what I want?—”

He smirked at me. “That’s your true answer right there. If you really want to be with him because the thought of not seeing him again makes you feel ill, then everything else is inconsequential.”

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