Fuck.
“Have you considered being lead counsel?” I asked flatly. “Because you walked me straight into that.”
He laughed. “Nothing else matters,” he said. “If he means to you what I think he does, then what other people think or say doesn’t mean jack shit.”
Could it really be that easy?
“You know,” Nolan added, “when you came to my place with the file on Benji, it was a pivotal moment for me. Like tossing a coin and making me choose which side I had to defend. It was Benji, without doubt. Not my career, not even you. I chose him, and none of that inconsequential shit mattered.”
“Your career and friendship with me are inconsequential shit?”
He smirked. “If you asked me to choose again right now, I’d choose Benji every time. Is it going to be easy? No. Will it always be sunshine and roses? No. But I’d choose him anyway.”
“What’s your point?”
“You need a pivotal moment. A split second to choose. Not a hypothetical; a real yes or no moment. Is he worth risking it all for?” Nolan shrugged. “Pretty sure you already know your answer. You’re just trying to justify the collateral damage.”
Collateral damage . . .
Because being with Fitch would have fallout.
“I don’t think it’s a question of whether I think he’s worth it,” I admitted quietly. “Because he is. The question is whether I’m brave enough to withstand the fallout.”
Nolan didn’t have a response for that. Or maybe he was just letting me get my thoughts in order.
“I want to spoil him,” I said quietly. “I want to give him everything. And the thought of another man even touching him makes me so angry. Like fucking livid. Every time I ask if he’s working later or if he’d worked the night before, jealousy burns so deep I can barely breathe. And it’s not fair on him. I want him to belong to me, every goddamn day, not just twice a week.” I groaned, mad at myself for saying this shit out loud. “Sorry.”
“You need to speak to him,” Nolan said simply. “Tell him everything you’ve told me.”
I rolled my eyes because sure, nothing like putting your heart on your sleeve.
“He might surprise you,” Nolan added. Then he grinned. “He’ll probably want to be your full-time live-in boy. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.”
God, how I loved the sound of that.
Nolan laughed. “Yeah, I can tell you think that sounds terrible. Lemme tell you, it’s perfect. Having Benji staying with me is like?—”
A sharp rap on the door made us both turn. It was Adrian, the new lead in Benji’s case. “Got a sec?” he asked Nolan. Then he looked at me. “Both of you.”
I sentFitch a text at 6:05 pm.
Leaving now. I’ll pull up on Wylde. Don’t be late.
His reply was almost instant.
Already waiting
The heaviness in my chest eased up a little, simply knowing I’d be seeing him soon.
It was ridiculous, this infatuation, this obsession with Fitch. With just having him with me, having him close, it settled something in me.
A beast I didn’t even know needed taming.
And when he opened the passenger door and slid into his seat, smiling at me, that peaceful feeling settled over me.
Was this my pivotal moment?
My deciding factor?