Page 93 of Why Not Us?

“And the first person you think about when you wake up? What about when something really awesome happens? Who is the first person you want to tell? Something awful happens. Same question. Think about the rest of your life. From this moment forward, who do you want next to you? Who do you want to see, day in, day out? That’s the person you’re in love with. You have been in love with this woman formonthsand not let yourself believe it.”

My heart drops from my chest to my gut. He’s right. I am in love with Adalie and never let myself think about it. Never let myself see how desperately I want her to love me back. But I’m right, too. She deserves better than me, better than a man who breaks her heart in a fit of panic. Better than a man who doesn’t know how to be what she needs.

It never would have worked between us, anyway. I’m too closed off. She’s too open. I’m a gruff dickhead with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. She’s a stubborn wildflower, bringing vibrant colour to an otherwise drab world. It’s probably better to let her go before I hurt her even worse.

I shake my head, convinced. “I’ve never had a relationship last after a fight.”

Taylor scoffs. “That’s because you neverdoanything after a fight. And fine, maybe before it was because the relationship wasn’t worth saving, but this one is. This woman is. You love her, Nate. Jesus fuck, man. Get your head out of your ass.” He shakes his head, picking up his mug. “I’m going to ride to work today. I’ll see you there.”

Then he leaves the way he came in.

He’s right about a lot of things, but he’s wrong about one thing. Letting Adalie go—so I can’t hurt her again—is the only right thing I can do.

It’s Monday, so I have to drive the car to work so I can get Dani later. That’s when I realize I’ve broken more than just Adalie’s and my heart. When she doesn’t show up for the art lesson on Thursday, it’s going to break my little girl’s heart, too.

Chapter 30

Adalie

Nate doesn’t call me on Monday. I check my phone so often that, eventually, Vic takes it away from me.

“You have the ringer on. You’ll know if he calls.”

She doesn’t give it back until we finish dinner after our yoga class. I’m about to head home, but before I go, she gives me a tight hug. Vic isn’t someone who hugs people often, but she always knows when her friends really need one.

I stay up late working on the bungee jumping picture I started last night, but he doesn’t call before bed.

Maybe he’s mad at me? Maybe I should call him? I decide to give it another day and if he doesn’t call, I will. I don’t want this to be over because of one fight. That’s ridiculous. We can work this out.

At Blue Vista the next day, I’m distracted by my thoughts, staring at my computer screen without actually seeing what I’m looking at, when there’s a polite knock on my door. I look up, surprised at who has come to see me.

“Taylor,” I say. “I didn’t… What are you doing here?”

“Decided I’d make our delivery today.” He comes in and sits across from me. “Nate told me what happened.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, but don’t say anything. I know if I try to speak, I’ll just start crying again. And I’ve done enough of that over the past couple days.

“I wanted to confirm something with you,” he says. “I’ve been cutting Nate off anytime he starts to tell Dani you won’t be over on Thursday, because I believe you’re not going to let my brother’s idiocy stop you from coming over for your art lesson with her. Am I right?”

“Of course!” I say. “I wasn’t sure if he’d want me there, butIwant to be. I don’t want to let Dani down.”

Taylor smiles. “You should come. Nate’s just in his head about this whole thing.”

“Why hasn’t he called?” I ask, then immediately shake my head. “Never mind. Don’t answer. You can’t know what he’s thinking.”

Taylor sighs. “I don’t know exactly what he’s thinking, but I can tell you what he told me. He thinks he broke your heart and that he doesn’t deserve you, which I assured him he doesn’t.”

“Taylor!”

He holds up his hand. “It’s true. You can’t convince me otherwise. I also believe hecandeserve you. If he gets out of his own damn way.”

He’s put one of my fears to rest, at least. Now I know Nate’s lack of calls isn’t because he’s mad at me, but because he’s mad at himself. And he should be. He said some things that hurt. He almost said something that would probably have broken us up for good.

“I’ll be there on Thursday,” I tell him, eventually. “Maybe you could make sure you’re there when I arrive? To ease any awkwardness between us.”

He nods. “Absolutely. I’ll be there. And won’t let Nate tell Dani not to expect you.” He stands. “See you Thursday. And I’m sorry my brother is such an idiot.”

I stand at the door for a good five minutes before I bring myself to knock. As soon as I do, it’s flung open, and Dani’s infectious smile lights up her face.

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