Page 91 of Why Not Us?

There’s half a beat of silence before Derek says, “I’ve already turned around. We’ll be there as fast as we can.”

I go back to the parking lot, snagging my helmet from where I’d left it on Nate’s bike. Then I wait. Nate never returns. I don’t know if he went for a walk or stayed where we’d been. I just know, by the time Derek stops next to me, I haven’t seen him.

I get in the backseat, and Derek drives off. Neither of my friends says anything to me until we’re back in Squamish, stopping for gas and McDonald’s.

I sit in a booth while the guys place an order. I don’t tell them what I want because I’m not sure I want anything. When they come back, they sit beside each other across from me, setting a strawberry milkshake and a medium fries in front of me. They each have food as well, but I don’t pay attention to what any of it is.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asks.

“Not particularly,” I say.

They say nothing, letting me stew in silence. After I’ve had about three fries, I start to speak, not really intending to.

“We had sex,” I say. My face heats, but I continue. “After you left, we went into the trees and… we didn’t have any condoms, and we did it anyway. After, he kind of freaked out and said some things. I don’t even know if he meant any of them.”

“What did he say?” Derek asks.

“That he doesn’t want more kids. We haven’t talked about it. I guess I assumed he would since he has Dani and he loves her, but it was dumb of me to make that assumption.”

Spencer reaches across the table to cover my hand with his. “You’ve only been dating three months, Adalie. You said you didn’t tell Dani yet. It’s okay that you haven’t had that conversation.”

I swallow and nod. “We were going to tell her tomorrow.” My voice breaks over the statement. “God, I don’t even know what’s happening. I can’t go over there if we don’t talk about this first. And if we don’t figure it out tonight, we won’t be able to until next Monday because he’ll be with Dani all week. If we don’t figure it out, should I go over on Thursday for my art lesson with her?” I gasp, looking up at Derek. “Will this screw everything up between Blue Vista and Hops Scotch?”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” Derek says. “Most of the business stuff is dealt with through Taylor. And don’t you guys talk every night, even when he has Dani? Maybe it’ll be fine.”

I shake my head, fresh tears falling. “You didn’t hear him. He was so angry. He said he couldn’t have another kid. Especially not with me.”

Their expressions immediately change from ones of sympathy to looks of outrage. “He said that?” Derek says.

“Well. Not exactly,” I say. “I cut him off before he could finish the sentence. I didn’t want to hear it.”

“What did he say? Exactly.” Spencer asks.

I’m kind of glad he’s sitting on the outside seat, because Derek’s expression looks like he wants to get up and drive off to find Nate. I’m not sure what he plans to do if he finds him, but nothing good.

“He said, ‘I can’t have more kids. Especially not with,’ and I made him stop. I didn’t want him to sayespecially not with you.”

“He might not have,” Spencer reasons.

“I know. But that’s what my head told me he was going to say. He kept saying things that hurt more and more, and I just couldn’t let him keep going. So I stopped him and walked away. Then I called you guys.”

We finish eating and get back on the road. When we’re in Vancouver, Spencer suggests going out for dinner and I agree. We stop by my place first so I can change into a dress, needing to get out of the clothes I’d been wearing with Nate. We go to Derek’s house where Ava is waiting, her sister Lacey out with a friend tonight. We hang out for a bit. Vic and Lis arrive, and I smile and laugh with my friends. None of them ask what happened. I don’t know if it’s because Spencer and Derek told them already, or told them not to ask. Either way, I’m grateful. I’m not sure what I’d say, anyway.

We go out for dinner, walking to a place nearby Derek’s house. I have a good night, even though my heart hammers every time I get a notification on my phone and it’s not Nate.

Eventually, it’s time to go home and Spencer, Lis, Vic, and I share an Uber. As is usual when we do this, I’m dropped off first. Spencer gets out before I can go inside, giving me a warm hug.

“Everything will be okay,” he says.

I nod into his chest, refusing to cry again.

“You have plans tomorrow?” he asks, stepping back.

I clear my throat. “Yes. Vic and I are going to a yoga class.”

“Good. Let me know if you need anything. Even if it’s just a distraction.”

I go upstairs, letting myself into my silent apartment. I kick off my shoes and make my way to my studio, where I’ve created far too many pictures of Nate or the things we’ve done together. He’s all that’s been on my mind lately, though. I sit down at my easel, a blank canvas in front of me, starting to sketch. Trees climbing the walls of a canyon, a river rushing below a green bridge, two people flying through the air, attached to a long purple cord. It’s not until I’m done, the room lit only by the overhead light and my lamp, that I realize I’ve been waiting—hoping—for Nate to call. I check the time. 11pm.

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