Page 4 of Riding Jamie

She reaches across the table and takes my hand, twining our fingers together and squeezing. Her face is open and soft, welcoming, and I feel myself tense slightly.

Looks like it doesn’t matter if I can handle it right now.

“Look, Oakie, I don’t want to pry,” she says in a voice that makes it obvious that she knows she’s prying, “but I know things haven’t been easy recently. I called your mom last night to see if there’s anything I can do, but my sister has always been good at keeping secrets.” She sighs, smiling sadly at me. “I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk about whatever’s going on.”

I hesitate, just wanting to forget about all of it. I got away from everything, and I wish I could just stop thinking about it entirely. There’s a quote that I can never remember properly, something about going through hell and how the only thing to do is to keep going, and I square my shoulders.

One foot in front of the other.

My eyes are stuck on the plate in front of me even though my appetite flees from me, but I squeeze down on my aunt’s hand as I take a shaky breath.

“Jaime and I broke up.” The words tumble out rough and dry. That much is obvious, considering the fact that he’s not here with me and that I haven’t said a word about him since moving in, but it still feels like a massive admittance. “He decided to go on the circuit. I found out from one of his friends. And then I found him kissing another girl.”

She makes a soft sound of sympathy, her fingers tight on mine as my lip wobbles. The pain still feels so fresh, the memories so vibrant.

“I wasn’t even mad that he was going on the circuit, I was just mad he didn’t tell me,” I say, a pained laugh falling from my lips. “I went to go yell at him about it, and he was kissing a girl who’d been trying to get with Bo for ages. Jamie said she kissed him, but I don’t know what to believe. It doesn’t matter either way, I guess.”

Aunt Kathy takes a breath to say something, but the words are tumbling from my lips now, and I can’t stop them. It’s like a dam broke, and now that I’m finally saying any of it out loud, it all comes rushing out.

“I still miss him,” I admit, my voice hardly more than a whisper. “We were going to get married. I just always thought we’d be together, and I have no clue what to do now that we’re not.”

She pulls her hand from mine to reach into her purse, rummaging around before pressing a travel pack of tissues into my palm. I smile at her weakly and pull one out, sniffling as I dab at my eyes.

“He’s already gotten more of your tears than he deserves, honey,” she tells me firmly. “I know it hurts, and it’s going to, for a while, but you’ll be alright. Sometimes people change over time, and this is a big period of change for both of you.”

I nod, knowing she’s right. It is a lot of change to work through, and my dad always reminded me that high school relationships almost never work out. I guess I just always thought Jamie and I would be the exception. Apparently, everyone else was right.

That doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though.

“What’s meant to be will be, and what isn’t will fade into memory,” she promises, the look in her eyes trusting and patient when I look up to meet her gaze. “You’re a tough cookie, Oakie.”

I laugh, the sound coming out watery, but I’m glad that none of my tears fall. She’s right. I’ve already wasted plenty of tears on Jamie Walker, and I’ve already decided I’m not going to give him any more.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my smile wobbly, but more honest now. “Really, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, kiddo.” Her green eyes are full of warmth and love, and I know she means every word. “I’ll always be here for you.”

I nod, dabbing at my eyes one last time before I reach for my tea and take a sip to soothe my throat. I feel a little better having told her about everything, a little lighter.

“And I know the change is a lot, but just remember that it’s not all bad,” she continues. “You’re in New York! You’re going to be in college for the next four years. You can turn this change into whatever you want it to be.”

It’s nice to hear the reminder that I’m allowed to be overwhelmed, but she’s right. Everything here is new. New life, new directions, new dreams.

I can be a whole new person here.

“You’re right,” I say, surprised at how firm my voice is, how easily my smile comes this time. “I’m going to live my own life here. I’m not going to compromise on what I want, not for anyone. I’m going to chase my own dreams.”

“That’s the spirit,” she cheers, her eyes twinkling with love and pride as she grins at me. “It’s ok to let the past go, even if it hurts. You just keep your eyes on the road in front of you and have faith it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to.”

I feel so much better about everything, and all I had to do was eat some waffles with my favorite aunt to figure it out. Istill don’t have any concrete plans, but I at least have a direction to look in now. That little kernel of hope that’s been sprouting in my chest grows another spurt as I let my mind run off in a million different directions, thinking of all the possibilities at my fingertips out here.

As I pass the pack of tissues back to her, my aunt leans back over the table, grinning conspiratorially at me. I grin back slowly, knowing that look only ever leads to shenanigans of some sort.

“I think I know exactly what’ll cheer you up properly,” she says, wiggling her brows in excitement.

“Oh?” I ask, unable to stop myself from giggling at her antics.

“You need a new dress for that party,” she tells me, and I know there’s no use arguing with her once she’s made up her mind. “Let’s go shopping and make your uncle’s eyes bug out when he sees the credit card statement for this month.”

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