Page 35 of Julian's Curse

With?Fear robbed me of my breath. I knew this wasn’t going to be good.

Before Rose had her heart attack, we got into a bad fight. Her dire condition is killing me even more because I’ve caused it.

I swallowed hard. Of course, he would know about Rose. But what could have possibly happened between them?

She discovered cocaine in the pocket of my suit jacket.

I stared at his message like it was a relic from a different relationship. My prior one. God damn it.

He continued with a long explanation. The first time I used it was while you were in Hawaii with Bradley. I couldn’t handle the idea of you with someone else, so I tried to numb my feelings.I didn’t know I’d get so hooked on it. And for a while, I kept it a secret because I was afraid you’d leave.I thought I could eventually deal with it on my own and stop using.

No, this was too much. Too much for me…not him…of all people. I wanted to scream as a rush of pain surged through me, sharp and unforgiving, like a dark swell tearing at my heart.

Lucie, I tried to quit in Dubai, but I don’t know if I am strong enough to do it on my own anymore.He continued without waiting for my reaction.I’d become completely paranoid after seeing those articles. When I saw you in the kitchen, I felt unbearable anxiety, the fear that you had cheated overwhelmed everything. It was so intense, I knew I had to run because I got so afraid of my rage.

The weight of his confession settled on me, but this was a vulnerable moment, and if I failed to show up, I knew it would make things harder to improve.

How long have you been using it?I tried to gauge the situation.

6 months,he confessed.I know it’s too long and I should have told you earlier.

Drugs were a major trigger for my own trauma, not just his. It wasn’t just that my father had been an alcoholic, often relyingon pills to numb his pain; my first love, James Stone, and I had spiraled into a volatile mess when he became an addict. I had chosen Julian because he was everything James wasn’t—stable, put-together, the complete opposite of the chaos I’d grown up with. That stability had been incredibly attractive to me. And now, it was starting to unravel.

Please say something, Lucie.He texted again.

I couldn’t quite find the right words.You have to get sober because I can’t do this otherwise,was all I could muster.

I am checking into rehab tomorrow. In Palm Springs. He followed up as my mind still tried to process everything.I can’t put you through this. Even then, you’ll probably leave. And I can’t be bitter about it.

Given that he’d hidden this from me, much like he had with other secrets the year before, the right thing for me would probably be to leave, just as he was anticipating. But Julian had lost his mom to an overdose, and seeing him angry earlier only reminded me of the danger of walking away now. Abandoning him at this moment would only drive him further into the arms of the devil.

The fact that he’d made the decision to get help was good.

When I saw you today, so beautiful, so untouched by the world, a wild, reckless desire surged within me to have you right here, right now, in our living room. But I’m not clean, Lucie. I’m consumed by an addiction that pulls at me relentlessly, and no matter what I do, it’s never enough anymore.His words were a twisted confession, filled with raw emotion that left me speechless.

Like a moth to a flame,I thought, though I kept the words locked within, afraid to speak them. Despite every rational thought urging me to turn away, there was something in him—an enigmatic pull, delicate yet powerful—that drew me in, a forceI couldn’t name. I loved him too fiercely to let him go, not now, not when he needed me most.

Come home, I suddenly texted, the words tumbling out before I could second-guess myself. It was a decision unlike me, yet it felt undeniably right.

Lucie?!!!I could almost see the disbelief in his eyes, the raised eyebrow, wondering how the girl with such strong boundaries had suddenly become so… accepting. But I wasn’t accepting. I just wanted to be his reason to live.

Yes. I replied quickly, the urgency in my voice even through text.Come home now.

I waitedabout an hour before I heard the familiar rattle of Julian’s keys. I stayed in our downstairs bedroom, so it didn’t take me long to get to the door. He stood outside, alone, still wearing his suit, which now looked quite ruffled after an international flight and an evening filled with turmoil. I watched him for a moment, torn between the urge to approach and the weight of my pride.

“I’m sorry, Lucie.” The scent of alcohol lingered on his breath, but instead of repelling me, it stirred something deeper—worry that things with him had gone out of control more than I’d anticipated.

“I am really proud of you for deciding to go to rehab.” A faint smile tucked at the corner of my lips.

“I sent Rose flowers to the hospital along with an apology letter, but I don’t think she’ll be ready to see me anytime soon.” He sounded devastated. “Lucie, I feel so guilty. I caused her tohave a heart attack.” I could feel the tension in his frame, the rawness of his regret.

I glanced at the tip of his nose and wondered why I hadn’t noticed it before. What I had once chalked up to allergies now seemed like a side effect of his use. The rawness, the subtle flaring of his nostrils—it was all clearer now, and when I looked closer, I saw the scabs. I tried to stay composed, but I couldn’t control the tide of panic stirring in me. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

“I got so angry with you, and I can’t forgive myself for it,” Julian said, his voice heavy with regret as he held my gaze, searching for something in my eyes. “But do you love him, Lucie?” He reached for my hand, his fingers brushing against the cool metal of my engagement ring. “Has anything happened between the two of you while I was away? Please, tell me the truth.” His words hung in the air, thick with vulnerability and quiet desperation.

I locked eyes with his, struggling to understand how someone so incredible could be so insecure, unable to see how deeply I cared for him. “Julian, I’ve never felt the love I feel for you for anyone.” I wasn’t sure if it was healthy for me anymore, but I had already become too entangled in my feelings to let go of them now.

Then it struck me. I had always been reluctant to fight for anyone but myself. I had loved James deeply, and when I’d told him I wouldn’t date him, it shattered me. But I hadn’t fought for him; instead, I waged a war within, punishing myself for the choice I made.

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