Page 88 of Lust

“Yeah. Just been a hectic week with school.”

“What’s up? Talk to me.”

Now the tears I felt creeping up are trying to break free. I battle them back, proud of myself for how I keep them from falling as I say, “Nothing too bad. Just some friend drama.”

“Okay…well, if you want to talk about it, I have plenty of time. Finished up my last meeting twenty minutes ago.”

I do want to talk to you, Dan. But I can’t.

I shake my head. “I’ll figure it out.”

And I really hope that’s true.

I try to think up a way out of this when a thought springs to mind. “You know, I’ve met someone…”

I’m not just telling him to distract from what he’s caught on to, but because I genuinely want him to know, especially if anything happens to me tonight.

His eyes widen with excitement. “Really?”

I nod. “His name’s Brad.”

Considering I’ve never said anything about being interested in guys—haven’t even known that about myself—I wait to gauge Dan’s response.

He blinks a few times. “Oh…that’s not what I was expecting you to say.”

“You and me both.”

He opens his mouth, clearly struggling, but then says, “I appreciate your sharing that with me. Is he nice?”

“Long story short, he was a dick to me when I first got here, but then I found out there was a misunderstanding, and after that we hit it off. He’s cool. More than that…”I have feelings for him—strong feelings for someone I haven’t known all that long.

“Well, now I’m gonna have to meet him, you know. See for myself if this guy is worthy of you.”

“Oh, he’s definitely worthy,” I assure him. “And I definitely want you to meet him.” The truth pulses through me as I say the words.

But Dan’s expression twists up. “This thing that’s on your mind, was it about telling me you had feelings for a guy?”

“Um…sure,” I say, since that gives me an out. “Anyway, I’ll tell you all about it when you get back from your trip. In the meantime, I’d rather hear about what you’re gonna be up to over the weekend.”

“Okay, but if you do want to talk more about this, whenever you’re comfortable, I’m here. I’m always here for you.”

Don’t I know it. That’s what makes this so hard.

“Thank you,” I say before insisting he change the subject, so he tells me about his plans as well as some shows he wants to catch up on. I bask in the moment, cherishing this time I have left with him, wishing I could give him a great big hug for the amazing man he’s been to me.

I check the time on my phone. Nearly a quarter to eight. About time to head out.

“I’m off to a party soon, but I wanted to call and…” I don’t know how to say this without being awkward as fuck, but it’s not something I can go without saying. I don’t want to be burned to a crisp, about to lose my life, wishing desperately I’d taken better advantage of this moment. “I want to thank you for always being here for me,” I blurt out. “For taking me in and being a great guardian. I know that couldn’t have been easy, and I know you didn’t have to. It means the world to me that you did.”

As I make eye contact with Dan, I see the light catching the tears in his eyes. “Well, Luke, it was hell what happened to you as a kid. Something no one so young should ever have to deal with. And as unexpected or difficult as it may have been for me, and as much as I may have struggled to figure out the right things to do or say, being in your life has been the greatest honor of my life. Seeing you growing into a young man, well, it makes me proud to be here to see it. I know your parents would have been just as proud, and they’d want you to know that. And they’d want you to know they’d love you just as you are.”

Keep it together, I urge myself, but I’m fighting a losing battle. My face spasms, my chin quivering as the tears break free, sliding down my cheeks in quick succession. I turn away from my phone, but it’s too late.

“I should probably get ready for that party.”

“Luke?”

“Sorry, I just miss them and have been thinking about them a lot lately.”

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