Page 87 of Lust

LUKE

There he is,the burned man Cody told me about, crawling across the ground.

Does he see me? Is he coming for me?

I fear how quickly he moves toward me, wide-eyed, his jaw shifting about wildly. But as he nears, he rolls onto his back. His blistering skin is black as coal, except for streaks of red between creases. He writhes in agony, eyes closed as he forces a few breaths.

He reaches up, opening his eyes, looking right at me with familiar blue irises.

At first, my instinct is that I know this man. These eyes are so familiar.

And with that comes a much deeper understanding.

This isn’t just a man—it’s me.

Flesh and blood charred black.

Struggling in excruciating pain.

Is this my fate?

When I first came to after the vision, I was so shaken I could hardly think straight. After recovering from the shock and discussing it with Brad, I was relieved he hadn’t made the connection, but as we talked with the guys, I realized it was too weighty a secret to keep from him.

I knew if I told him, he wouldn’t want me to help take on the Slasher, but something in me knows as deeply as I knew those were my eyes that I must do this.

Over the next two days, we prepare for Saturday night. A part of me believes it’s too soon, but another part knows nothing can prepare us for what we’re about to face.

Before this realization, my time with Brad has felt as though we’ve been in our own little world, outside of time…and when we fuck, even losing track of space as we’re only sensation and passion. Now time races by, slipping from our grasp as it hurtles us toward Saturday night.

I consider skipping my classes, but they’re the only thing keeping me from losing my goddamn mind.

Before I head out to the old church to execute our plan, I FaceTime with Dan.

A familiar pang of guilt knots up in me. I should have called him right after I discovered I was the man in my vision. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him, to look at him.

I’ve been torn between my desire to see the man I love nearly as much as I loved my parents, and the fear that if I spoke with him too soon, I’d fucking lose it and he’d know something’s wrong. Even worse, he’s been looking forward to this work conference in Maui, and I don’t want to fuck up his good time because of all this shit going on in my life right now.

Just keep it together.

When he answers, he’s lying in his hotel bed. He must’ve placed his phone in his mount because he’s relaxed, not struggling with making sure he’s framed right.

“Hey, Luke. How’s it goin’?” He sounds so at ease. More so than normal. Blissfully unaware of the nightmare my life has become.

“Hey, good.” The knot in my gut twists even more from the lie. “How’s Hawaii?”

He tells me about how beautiful it is, removing his phone from the mount and taking me over to the window to show me his view.

I can feel the tears creeping up.

A flash of a memory comes back to me: Dan in the hospital, approaching me to tell me about Mom. His voice trembled. His eyes watered. I know how hard he was trying to keep it together for me, wanting to make one of the most agonizing moments of my life bearable.

Now it’s time for me to do the same.

Deep, steady breaths. Just like Brad taught me during our meditation sessions.

But even trying to keep it together, it tears me up knowing that, regardless of how I manage this conversation, I’m still putting myself in harm’s way, setting him up for another loss.

He’s sharing some office gossip that’s bled into the trip, but as he places his phone back on the stand, he winces, studying my expression. “You sure you’re all right?”

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