Page 71 of Finding Home

Aubrey runs her palm across my naked chest. “Have you told Dax all that?”

“Mostly. Not with that much clarity, though. I apologized to him and Violet at a wedding about five years ago, but I don’t think I said everything to them, quite as well as I just said it to you.”

“Maybe you should contact them and say it again. Only better this time.”

“Nah. Everyone has moved on. I’m sure they never want to hear from me again.” I twist my mouth. “I believe Violet came into my life to teach me how awful it feels to betray someone who trusted you completely, and I came into hers to teach her what a walking red flag looks like, so she could avoid someone like me the next time. And then, years later, Dax came into my life to deliver some much-deserved karma.”

“You should tell them that, Caleb.”

“Nah. They’re happily married with a kid now. In the end, we all got exactly what we deserved.”

Aubrey strokes my chest. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a walking red flag anymore.”

“I was for years, though.” I gnaw at the inside of my cheek. “When I found out about Dax and Violet, I punched him in the face so hard, I almost broke his jaw. And for what? Because he fell in love with his future wife—a woman who rightly didn’t want me anymore? A woman who’d loved and trusted me, so I treated her like shit in return? Honestly, Dax is the one who should have punchedmefor the shit I pulled with Violet.”

“What did you do to her, exactly? You never told me what’s worse than cheating.”

Shit. All of a sudden, it occurs to me Aubrey is going to be the most important witness at the custody hearing. Shouldn’t I be putting my best foot forward with her, so she can credibly try to convince the judge I’m a fit father to Raine? On the other hand, though, I can’t keep this from Aubrey any longer. I love her. I want to be with her, always. Which means she deserves to know this story, in full, without me editing or spinning it. How else will she be able to decide if she truly wants to be with me?

I inhale deeply, feeling like I’m standing on the edge of an abyss. But really, I’ve got no choice in the matter, do I? I need to take this leap of faith. “Violet is four years younger than me,” I begin. “Same as my sister. They grew up together, so Violet used to come around all the time. For years, Violet was nothing but a starry-eyed kid to me. Miranda’s sidekick.” I smile. “Or maybe it was the other way around. Hard to tell with those two.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “Anyway, Violet was always around. Sometimes, she and Miranda would watch my band rehearse. Occasionally, they’d come get burgers or burritos with us after a jam session. And I thought nothing of her. But then, one day, right after Violet graduated high school, right before she went off to college across the country, she and I were alone in Dean’s garage for some reason. Can’t remember why. We were sitting on this raggedy couch together, just talking. And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and she was telling me she’d always loved me.” I pause, as memories slam into me. “We wound up having this kind of magical summer together. From that kiss forward, we were joined at the hip. We never even dated. Itwas like, we kissed and that was that. We both just assumed we were end game.”

My heart thundering, I peek at Aubrey to see if I’ve said too much. Pissed her off. Freaked her out. But she’s poker-faced. Listening intently.

“By the end of that summer, our song ‘Shaynee’ was gaining traction online and in our hometown. We started getting some cool local gigs. And Violet came to every show, without fail. She even started marketing the band and getting us more gigs. She was all-in, you know? She believed in us, even more than we believed in ourselves.” I gnaw at my lower lip. Saying all this shit out loud, especially to someone I want to think highly of me, is harder than I thought it’d be. “So, anyway,” I continue. “Violet had an older brother, Reed Rivers, who lived in LA and had just started an independent record label there.”

“You grew up in San Diego, right?”

“Yeah. So, without telling my band, Violetcommandedher big brother, Reed, to drive down to San Diego to check out our band at a gig. He didn’t want to come, apparently. Only did it as a favor to Violet, because she said she’d never talk to him again, if he didn’t.” I chuckle. "So, Reed came, and wound up signing us on the spot, and the rest is history. We became River Records’ first huge success story.”

“From what I’ve read, you guys took off like a rocket.”

“We did. All of a sudden, everything changed. We were on a world tour, performing our songs in front of thousands of screaming fans at sold-out shows. Our debut album skyrocketed to the top of the charts. We were nominated for awards, and on and on. And I let it all go to my head. I convinced myself my ‘rockstar life’ wasn’t real. That my ‘real life’ would be waiting for me, unchanged, when I got back home.”

“So, you cheated on Violet, while you were on tour?”

Every fiber of my body wants to lie and say, “Only once, when I was drunk and high and didn’t know what I was doing.” But the truth is, I got drunk and high with the intention of cheating on Violet, over and over again. Because I’d convinced myself, as long as I wasn’t sober, it wasn’t real. “I cheated on her, yeah. Multiple times. And it was the worst thing I’ve ever done.” I take a deep breath. “I’ve done worse things, since then.” My Adam’s apple bobs. “Not stepping up to be a father to Raine, for instance. But, still, to this day, what I did to Violet is on my Mount Rushmore of the shitty things I’ve done.” I swallow hard. “I know the world thinks I’ve been on top of the world, since my band hit it big. But looking back, I was much happier in the months leading up to my band’s big break, than in the years that followed.”

Aubrey is silent for a long time. “Are you happy now, Caleb?”

I lift my head and look into her dark eyes. “Happier than I’ve ever been in my entire fucking life.”

Her chest heaves. “Happier than during your ‘magical summer’ with Violet?”

“Aw, baby.” I pull her to me and kiss her gently. “Sweetheart, there’s no comparison. This is the most magical summer I’ve ever had. Trust me on that.” I kiss Aubrey again, this time passionately, to keep myself from saying the words on the tip of my tongue: that I know now what I had with Violet was simply puppy love, whereas what I feel for Aubrey is adult love. True love. The kind that stands the test of time. “I’m ready to be a good man, Aubrey,” I murmur. “I’m ready to be worthy of complete trust. You can trust me, baby. I swear it. I’ll always tell you the truth. Good, bad, or ugly.”

Aubrey bites her lip but says nothing for a long moment. Finally, she asks, “What did your sister think about you dating, and then cheating on, her best friend?”

“Oh, man, Miranda waspissed.I don’t think she’s forgiven me for what I did to Violet to this day.”

“Are they still friends?”

“Best friends. Like sisters. If all three of us were stuck on a sinking boat—Miranda, Violet, and me—and there were only two life jackets left, I know for a fact Miranda would let me drown.”

“That’s not true. I saw the way she looked at you tonight. She worships you.”

I shake my head. “No. She loves me, but she loves Violet more. I don’t blame her for that, by the way, after all the bullshit, big and small, I’ve put her through over the years. And not only in relation to Violet. I don’t respond to her texts. I ghost her for months at a time. I say I’ll come to this or that thing, and then I miss it. And now, on top of everything else, there’s the thing with me not telling her and our mother about Raine. I think that stunt brought methisclose to losing Miranda forever.”

Aubrey pulls a face. “Why have you been such a shitty brother?”

---