Page 63 of Beltane

“Shit,” Ivy said, groaning as she rolled over. “What time is it?”

Carter stretched, kissed Ivy on the mouth, and ran his hands over Miri’s arm, rolling so he could give her a peck on her nose. “Maybe nine, maybe ten? Judging by the sun.”

“This is a memory,” I said, causing all three of them to look at me.

“What?” Ivy scrunched her eyebrows together. “What do you mean?”

“Make your goodbyes,”came Diana’s voice, seemingly on the wind.“Alexei must stay.”

“Stay?” Miri sat up and winced, running her hands over her face.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Carter gaped, shifting his wide, terrified eyes to meet mine. “Why do you have to stay?”

“Oh, no,” Miri’s sorrowful tone split my chest in two. “Alexei, my prince, what did you do?”

Ivy’s burning steel gaze turned to me, nearly incinerating me where I sat. I inhaled deeper on my cigarette, praying for the nicotine to soothe the desperation rising in my chest. Everything in me wanted to lie to them, to keep one last secret for myself, but I couldn’t do that. This was the last time I’d ever see them again, and I didn’t want to spend a moment being dishonest.

“You two were dead,” I said, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over. My chest burned, my heart throbbed, and when I looked into Ivy’s eyes, I saw echoes of my own pain reflected back at me. “I did what any of us would have done.”

“What?” Carter pushed to his feet, reaching for his gym shorts to put them on and slide them up his long legs. “What’s going on?”

“I gave myself to the queen in exchange for your lives.” Finishing my smoke, I stabbed it out and rose to my feet, likewise getting dressed, though it didn’t matter anymore. They had seen me naked a thousand times, and this was in our heads. Any second, we’d wake up on that wretched battlefield—bruised, broken, and alone.

No one said anything, only stared at me with heartache pouring out of their souls while they processed this information.

“For how long?” Miri’s voice sounded weak but hopeful.

I didn’t answer because I honestly didn’t know. That wasn’t part of the agreement, but I assumed indefinitely. Or…until I could find a way to get out of it. Something banged around in the back of my mind, urging me to pay more attention, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was relish in these last few moments with them. I didn’t know how much longer we had, and I couldn’t waste a second.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Ivy’s voice cracked when she spoke. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s too late, X,” I said. “It’s already done.”

She closed her eyes, big, angry tears spilling down her cheeks while that beautiful flush crept up her neck and into her face. I watched the X appear over her pulse, delightful in how it still rattled right through me.

“I will come for you,” she said, grabbing the back of my neck to bring our foreheads together. “I won’t stop coming for you.”

My stomach churned as I imagined Ivy, old and gray, hunched over her desk, researching lore to figure out how to bring me back. “Don’t be ridiculous. The veil is closed. You ended it yourself.”

“No,” she insisted.

“Listen to me,” I continued, yearning for more time to tell her everything I’d always left unsaid between us. I settled on the most important. “Don’t spend your life looking for me, okay? You go back to DC. You marry Miri and Carter. You pop out a bunch of little meathead gingers.”

“Lex, stop,” Ivy said through a broken sob.

“Don’t let your mother have control over you ever again. You’re stronger than her. You live your own life, understand?”

Ivy shook her head and kissed me, hard and deep. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m not going to let the fairy queen have you. I claimed you first. You’re mine.”

“X, I knew what I was doing when I made the deal.” I disentangled myself from her and stepped back, giving her one last kiss. “This is about me and Diana. Not you, not any of you.”

Ivy reluctantly hugged herself, backing away so that Miri could rush into my arms, wrapping hers around my waist, pulling me close to her. Flowers and gardenia at midnight flooded my senses, and I inhaled her floral scent, praying I never forgot it. She sobbed into my chest, holding me tighter, digging her nails into my back. “It was supposed to be me, you bloody idiot.”

“No, Princess.” I put my hands on either side of her chin and tilted her face up to mine, leaning down to press my lips against hers. “It was going to be me from the beginning.”

The man I’d been in this memory, the man of four years ago, he would have given anything to trade spots with his brother. The twenty-two-year-old version of Lex Fairfax would have laid his life down a thousand times if it meant that Marcus had gotten to live, gotten to be the one that married Ivy. In the four years since, I’d found a love and devotion that few ever got to experience…and I had it times three. It was worth the sacrifice. Now, I understood true adoration on a fundamental, unconditional level, and given the chance, I would have lived it all over again just to make the same choice.

“Please don’t let some antiquated idea of family loyalty keep you from your dreams.” I kissed the top of Miri’s head, drifting down to her soft, perfect mouth when she looked up at me. “You deserve to be happy, so be happy.”

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