Page 64 of Rowdy Hearts

I wish we’d all been closer, but life hadn’t turned out that way. It was nice that she actually sounded worried about me now. But before I answered her back, I had to read through my mom’s texts.

They started out pretty much as I expected. Wanting to know where I was going. How could you do this to your sister? Why are you acting like a child? Then came the guilt. How I’d ruined Tiff’s big night. How I couldn’t let Tiff shine on her own.

Which was bullshit. I didn’t want the spotlight now. There were secrets I needed to protect, and they weren’t mine.

Finally, she hit me with the concern and the apology. Was I okay? She was sorry. She’d been under a lot of stress. Where was I? When was I coming home? Was Krista okay? Did I need help?

It was the last question that made me close my eyes and sink a little farther beneath the water until my chin was covered and my lips could blow tiny waves across the water. I wasn’t being overly sensitive, and I wasn’t overreacting when I say that last question negated every other concern she might legitimately have.

My mom had never been able to accept that I’d willingly leave acting to do anything else. She’d never understood that that world had become toxic to me. That I’d left to save my sanity and, when Krista had come along, to save her from that world. I didn’t want her growing up like I had. I wanted her to have a normal childhood, whatever that meant these days. At our home in New York, it meant pre-school and a highly organized structure of playdates at carefully chosen events and hours-worth of classes from dance to sports to arts.

I tried to make my schedule predictable, but it didn’t cooperate all the time. And maybe I overcompensated because I wanted Krista to have all the things, and there were things I could never give her. Like a father. And at least one grandparentwho wasn’t more concerned with her children’s success than she was with being a loving parent.

With a groan, I let myself sink completely under the water, holding my breath for several long seconds before I came back up for air.

Only to let out a startled yelp, when someone knocked at the door.

“Tressy, are you okay?”

Raffi. “Yes. Sorry. I didn’t hear you. Did you need something? Is Krista being too loud?”

Raffi’s laughter carried through the door. “Oh, hon, that single child could never be as loud as three boys and a girl fighting over what cartoons to watch on a Saturday morning. I just stopped by to see if you and Krista wanted to have breakfast with Reston and me?”

“Mommy, I’m hungry.”

I huffed. Of course she was. She was always hungry.

“Or I could just feed Krista a little something? Rowdy texted that he was taking you both to the team brunch, but I figured Krista would be hungry until then and you can have some extra time to get ready.”

Was this woman a literal saint? Seriously, there had to be something wrong with her.

“Mommy? Are you okay? Do you need help?”

I’d taught Krista not to open the bathroom door when it was shut, and to always ask if she could come in first. For some reason, Krista thought that meant I was in trouble.

“No, sweetie, I’m fine.”

“Then can I go with Miss Raffi? She said she’s gonna make muffins. I like muffins.”

“Sure, you can go. Make sure you thank Miss Raffi.”

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Thank you, Miss Raffi. Can we go now?”

“We’ll be in the kitchen, Tressy. Take your time.”

Faintly, I heard the entry door open and close and then all was silent. And, oh my god, I don’t think I ever enjoyed a soak in a tub more. Krista was safe and taken care of. Not even our neighbor at home made me as comfortable as Raffi did. And that felt disloyal.

But walking out on your sister’s big night didn’t?

Not fair, I told Rational Girl. Totally, not fair.

Shoving all of that shit out of my head with an effort, I allowed myself the sheer pleasure of a half hour thinking of nothing. Just absolutely nothing. Not last night. Not Rowdy. Not Krista or my mom or my sister. Just blissful peace.

Until the tapping started. A quiet rap on wood. But not coming from the inside door. Definitely coming from outside.

My heart started to pound harder, but not from fright. Excitement made my breathing shallow out, and I got out of the tub and was reaching for a towel when my phone dinged.

Rowdy:

---