Page 2 of A Game Of Love

She swallows hard, running her hands up and down her arms.

Could it be cold out? Most likely, but right now, I don’t feel anything, unaware of anything else going on around me.

“Since the night of the game.”

My eyes widen. “Only a week?” I laugh. “You expect me to believe that? Sure as hell looks like you two have had something going on a lot longer than that. Unless you really do work that fast, Lilly.”

That was a low blow, and I regret it the moment the words leave my mouth.

Her face morphs with anger.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Bishop growls, a dark look taking over his face.

Lilly steps in front of him to stop him.

“No.” She shakes her head. “We’re not doing this, Toby. I can’t. I refuse to let you use your anger to say hurtful things to me. Not anymore,” she insists.

I go to speak, but she cuts me off.

“Don’t fucking talk. You're going to stand there, and you’re going to listen to everything I have to say. I will not be arguing with you or begging you. This is how it will be, this is how it will go, and if you can’t accept that, then I can’t offer you any more of me. I have nothing left to give you, Toby.”

The way her voice breaks, it fucking kills me.

“I love you, Toby. I want to be with you so fucking bad it hurts. It physically hurts. You know this, I’ve told you all this before. But the fact is, I like Bishop. I really, really like him. Maybe even love him.” That makes me flinch, but I don’t speak, letting her continue. “He’s good to me. The best friend, an amazing man who’s been by my side. I need him.” Tears roll down her cheeks, every little drop feeling like acid on my heart.

“He’s been there for me when you couldn’t be.Wouldn’tbe. When you walked away, leaving my heart in shambles that night, he was there to pick up the pieces... in more ways than you know. He’s not the one who ran. You did. He stood by my side when I felt so alone and broken.”

Her chest is heaving now, getting worked up with every word as she angrily wipes at her eyes. “But you know what? Even after everything you did, I still want you!” she shouts through clenched teeth. “I will always want you. But at what cost, Toby? I said I’d wait for you, you said the same. But the fact is, I want him too.” She points to my best friend. “I want him in every way I’ve always wanted you. I willnotchoose. I will not be forced to pick between two different parts of my heart. So if you want me, you have to accept that he has me too. Can you do that? Could you share me, Toby? Could you be with me knowing I’m with him too?”

Fists clenched at my side, every word hits me like a knife to the chest.

I move on instinct to turn around, to storm away. I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want to listen to her tell me how much she’s fallen for him. How much he means to her. It's fucking gut-wrenching.

“Toby!” she yells my name so loud I’m surprised no one is rushing over to see what all the commotion is about. I pause, heart pounding against my ribs, straining to break free with every pump. “If you leave, if you walk away from me right now, Toby... I’m done. We’re done. For good.” Her voice shakes, words trembling with heartbreak.

My shoulders slump in defeat, any fight I had leaving my body. That's how I feel. Defeated because my heart already knew all of this. Maybe not in such grave detail, but only a fool would miss the signs, miss the way they are with one another. Clearly, they felt something more for each other for a while now.

I just refused to acknowledge it, to allow any thoughts of someone else being with Lilly. Touching her, tasting her. For her heart to belong to anyone but me. To be thinking of any other man but me.

The really fucked up part that has me at war with myself is that I’m grateful for him. For him being there for her when I wasn’t, for taking care of her when it should have been me. Apart from our parents, he’s the only person on this earth that I trust with her life. And that’s why this hurts so fucking much. Not that they’re together. But the fact that he lied to me. I could understand Lilly. I get it. But him? It fucking stings.

I’m Lilly’s. Every single inch of me, mind, body, and soul. I know there’s no way on earth I could ever want another woman as long as I live.

And I know that if I leave here right now, demanding she pick, she wouldn’t choose me. It would be the signature on my death certificate.

I’ve only been back on my meds for a week now, but they’ve already helped so much with stabilizing my mood and allowing me to see things a little clearer.

I’ve already hurt her enough and caused her so much pain. I can’t bear to bring her anymore.

So I need to do what's best for her... even if it kills me. At least as much as I’m able to do.

And as much as I think it would be best to just walk away and take myself out of the equation, I know I could never do it. As long as air still flows through my lungs, I can’t live a life that Lillianna Tatum wasn’t in.

“Yes,” I whisper, slowly turning back around to face them.

Both of them stand there in stunned silence, watching me, waiting for me to lose my mind. But I don't.

“What?” She blinks a few times as if she can’t believe the words. Honestly, I don’t blame her. Even I’m a little bit surprised with myself.

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