Page 3 of A Game Of Love

“I said yes,” I repeat a little bit louder. “This... all of this is going to take some time to process,” I breathe out, running a shaky hand through my hair. “Part of me thinks it’s a fucking dream.” I laugh humorlessly as I shake my head. I take a step forward, thankful she doesn’t move away from me. “But if I don’t accept you being with him.” I sneer the last word, flashing venom towards the man who betrayed me more than anyone has before. My eyes find hers again. “I’ll lose you for good. And I’d rather fucking die than lose you,” I vow with earnestness. “So, I’ll learn to deal. It’s going to take time. Fuck, maybe even a few therapy sessions to work through my feelings about all of this.” I scrub my hands over my face, partly in hopes of washing away the image of her coming apart on his fingers.

“I love you, Lilly. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” my voice cracks. “I just want you to be happy. And if he makes you happy–” I swallow down the bile in my throat. “If he treats you good, then that's all that matters right?” Lies. Lies. Lies.

Not the words I speak but the way I’m saying it. Because, so help me, god, it’s taking everything inside me not to pummel my best friend to a bloody pulp.

“Toby.” She narrows her eyes, not fully convinced by my words.

“I need–I need to go,” I whisper, taking a step back. “To think. To process.” My eyes lock on hers, pleading with her to believe these next words. “This isn’t me walking away, Flower.” It takes so much work to get every muscle in my face to force a smile. “I could never walk away from you, Lills. I just need... time.”

Her lips part as she tries to think of something to say. Maybe ask me to stay? But she doesn’t, just licks her lips and nods.

“Okay. I understand.” Her voice sounds so small. “Just tell me... tell me you don’t hate me.”

That has me taking a step forward. Cupping her face, I force her to look me in the eyes. “I could never hate you, Lilly,” I insist. “Never. Doesn't matter what you say, what you do, nothing could ever make me hate you. You own me.” I smile sadly, brushing her cheek with my thumb, her skin warm. Touching her settles me. She’s always had that power over me. “I love you so much.” I kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger. “I love you so fucking much. But if I don’t leave right now, get away from what I saw, and give myself time to process this, I’ll kill him.”

“Toby,” Lilly squeals my name with shock, eyes widening.

“I might have to accept you two being together, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Bishop asks, his voice filled with hurt. He has no fucking right to feel that way. Not after what he did.

“You lied to me.” I look at him, taking a step away from Lilly. My heart screams at me to go back to her as I take another step and another away from her. “You went behind my back and started something with her. Then you kept it from me.”

“We were just trying to protect you,” Bishop insists. “We love you, man. We didn’t want to hurt you.”

I shake my head. “Finding out this way hurt way more than if you two were to just sit down with me and tell me.”

“We were going to!” Lilly promises. “We were.”

“When?” I ask her. “A few weeks, months? When everyone else in the school knew but me?”

“It’s not like that, man,” Bishop says.

“The fact is that you're my best friend. I asked you to take care of her, to watch over her and instead, you wormed your way into her heart. You took the one thing that kept me alive on this earth. And for that, I don’t think I can forgive you.”

“I didn’t take her,” he growls. “She’s right there, telling you she wants you too.”

“I know,” I snarl back, shaking my head, knowing I can’t do this right now. Not with all of this being so fresh and raw. “I know,” I say, a little calmer. “And I bet you wish this was a deal breaker, right?” I laugh. “I bet you wish I’d walk away so you can have her.”

“You know it’s not like that,” Bishop sighs heavily.

“Well, I'm not.” I shrug. “So fuck you. She’s mine, too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

But even as I say the words, I look at Lilly. “This isn’t me leaving,” I remind her. “I’ll text you later.”

“Toby!” she calls after me. Every cell in my body wants me to run back to her, pull her into her arms, and agree with whatevershe says so I can just have her, hold her. But that's not reality, that's not how my brain works.

So, I get in my car and drive home, to my parent's house. I’m so in my own head that I don’t realize I’m home until I’m pulling into the driveway.

Turning off the car, I lean back in my seat, close my eyes, and just feel.

I scream long and loud until my voice cracks and my throat is raw. Until every ounce of anger leaves my body.

When my breathing finally evens out, and I open my eyes, I jump in surprise when I see someone at my passenger door.

Rain opens it and slides into the front seat. “Mind if I join you?”

“No,” I mutter, looking back out the front window.

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