Page 37 of Dagger

Abe studied me briefly before stepping inside and closing the door. “Reckoned you’d be overthinkin’ shit.” He sauntered over, his stare holding mine while parked his ass in a chair. “What’s eating you? The club, the mayor, or Elise?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “All three, and then some. It’s coming from all angles, brother.”

Abe shrugged. “Nothin’ you haven’t handled a hundred times before.”

“Maybe not,” I concurred. “But I’m fifty-five years old. When’s it gonna come easy?”

Abe leaned forward, elbows to knees, and looked me dead in the eye. “I remember you drivin’ hell-for-leather into the old parkin’ lot at the farmhouse, ready and willin’ to take on an entire club of brutal fucks, includin’ Bandit. The club was savage back then, and you didn’t give a fuck, so don’t sit there tryin’a convince me you can't deal.”

“Never said I couldn’t deal,” I muttered. “My point is, I’ve paid my dues. I should be on my bike doin’ a tour of the country with Elise plastered to my back. Instead, I’m stuck here, trying to figure out tactical maneuvers and defense strategies against a rival club with a score to settle, while I figure out the best way to keep my men breathing and our women and kids safe. As if that wasn’t enough, I’ve discovered the love of my life—who married another man while I was presumed dead—was actually manipulated into it. Then she gave birth to a daughter I never knew existed and has been searchin’ for her for years while also workin’ with the Feds to bring down her piece-of-shit abusive husband.” I rolled my lips together and shook my head disbelievingly. “What does Atlas call us?‘Days of Our Biker Lives?’”

Abe’s lips twitched.

I let out a snort.

My bud chuckled.

Within seconds, the sound of us both roaring with laughter filled the room.

Abe pointed at me, bent double and busting a gut. “I—I remember when you died,” he wiped his eyes, “everyone was fuckin’ distraught. Then Bandit gets a call saying you’d turned up.” He howled. “His heart nearly gave out.”

I barked out another loud laugh. “A unit of Brits found us. Can you fuckin’ believe it? Kept in a cave in the middle of the desert for months, then along comes a damned Englishman to haul my ass out.” Swallowing down my laughter, I cast my mind back and suddenly sobered. “When Dad turned up and told me about Mom, I knew deep down she died ‘cause of me.”

Abe’s body jerked as if my words physically punched him. “No. John. She had high blood pressure and wasn’t taking her meds regularly. She was a tickin’ time bomb. Connie always sang to her own tune. She’d kick your ass if she heard you blaming yourself.”

The back of my eyes prickled. “I never got to say goodbye, Abe. All I prayed for while I was in that hellhole was to make it home to Mom and Leesy. God was playin’ tricks on me that day, brother. I thought my prayers had been answered. Instead, He saved me but took them both away. For a long time, I wished I’d died instead. The day I lost Elise, somethin’ inside me broke, and I didn’t know how to glue it back together. My wedding to Adele went by in a blur. All I remember was the lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away. Then Cash was born, and suddenly, life had meaning again. Maybe I should’ve ended my marriage sooner. It was selfish to keep her; every day, I watched her light dim more, but after losing Mom and Leesy, losing my kids would’ve ended me.”

Abe nodded along, deep in thought. “I was there, John. Saw you that day. You were on autopilot. Knew then, it was all coming on top.”

“I was a mess,” I admitted. “The night I met Adele, it was all still so fresh. I went away to find myself and came home a father-to-be.”

Abe smiled wryly. “You don’t do things by halves, that’s for sure. But you were lucky it was Adele. She was—is— a good woman and a good wife and mother.”

“Dell’s one of a kind,” I concurred. “She gave me what I needed exactly when I needed it. That woman never once pressured me. We were close friends, but at the same time, there was always a disconnect, too.”

“She wasn’t Elise,” Abe stated.

Emotion burned the back of my throat, and I nodded, unable to speak.

“What’s next,” Abe asked.

The words hit me square in the chest because, for the first time in my life, I didn’t have a plan. I knew I wanted Elise more than anything; I just didn't know how to go about getting her.

When I was twenty-one and Elise was eighteen, we had the world at our feet, but even then, there were obstacles. We came from very different worlds, and they were so far apart that it was easy to believe she was too good for me, especially with the way the MC was back then.

Club life wasn’t as brutal as it was in Bandit’s day, but still, there always seemed to be some kind of threat hanging over our heads.

Was it fair of me to subject Elise to even more bullshit?

Abe cocked his head curiously. “What’s holding you back?”

“The club and the danger that comes with it,” I told him honestly.

Abe sent me a glare. “Bullshit. She’s livin’ a more dangerous life with Henderson than she would with us. You can convince yourself she deserves better, John Stone, but you’re not convincing me. You’ve got a chance to get everythin’ you ever wanted after years of feelin’ like somethin’ was missing, and your ass is clenchin’ like a motherfucker. It’s okay to admit it; we all get scared sometimes. But have faith and remember you don’t gotta be everythin’ to everyone, John; you just gotta be you. She lovedyou, and she still lovesyou. Elise never cared about club politics; she only ever cared aboutyou. A woman doesn’t gothrough years of suffering to protect a man she doesn’t give a fuck about.”

“Elise needs handling with care,” I argued. “That’s not me.”

Abe rolled his eyes. “Again, I call bullshit. One thing Elise Bell has proved to every one of us over the last thirty years is that she’s badass. What she needs is for you to stand up, be the man I know you are, and finally fuckin’ claim her. End of story. Your hogwash excuses are precisely that—hogwash.”

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