Page 38 of Dagger

I opened my mouth to deny my bud’s accusations, but nothing came out. Instead, my skin prickled with unease as Abe’s words sunk in deep.

You’ve gotta chance to get everythin’ you ever wanted after years of knowing somethin’s missing.

As much as I detested myself for admitting it, he was right. Ever since Adele left, deep down, I knew Elise was there for the taking, but I hadn’t done it.

“Being happy with Elise means goin’ back and reprogramming everything I believe in, Abe. Thirty years ago, I met a shy, beautiful girl, and all I ever wanted was to protect her. When I left for the Marines, I thought she’d fall apart. Deep down, maybe I even hoped for it because, at least that way, I could swoop in and save her. Then she blossomed without me, and it knocked my ego on its ass.”

Abe nodded understandingly.

“I wrestled back control by telling myself she couldn’t handle the dark side of military life,” I continued. “It was why I initially lied when I trained to be a sniper. Then, I tested her by coming home and behaving the same way as my brethren.”

“The boys back then stepped out on their women, John,” he pointed out. “You didn’t.”

“No,” I agreed. “But I still let Leesy find me in situations that weren’t respectful. I kept testing her, and the fucked-up thing about it was—I wanted her to fail because my dad made subtlehints about Elise not being strong enough to handle the MC lifestyle. Beneath my bravado, I think a part of me believed him.”

“Don Stone was never wrong,” Abe muttered, sarcasm lacing his tone. “So how could he be wrong about Elise?”

“Exactly. The day I left her, I set her up for failure, and I was an asshole because a part of me knew I was fucking everythin’ up. I didn’t have to leave town; joining the Marines was never a calling the way it was with Kit—it was an excuse. I would’ve been just as valuable to the club if I’d stayed and learned from Dad. The Marines never taught me my skills; Pop did, and everything I learned later came naturally to me.”

“Another test,” Abe muttered ruefully.

“It wasn’t only Pop who never gave Elise a chance, brother. The truth was, even if she’d never married Henderson, I would’ve kept pushing until she failed. Dad said she wasn’t right for me, and I believed him ‘cause Elise was the town’s sweetheart. I was Bandit Stone’s boy from the wrong side of the tracks. I didn’t fight for Leesy when she married Henderson because she’d proven what deep down I already knew.”

“Jesus,” Abe whispered. “You didn’t think you were good enough.”

“I proved everybody right,” I reiterated. “Let my Leesy down by walkin’ away when she needed me the most. You told me somethin’ was off, but you didn’t need to ‘cause I knew her heart, and she loved me, Abe. I left town ‘cause if I stayed, I’d have gone to her, and my pride couldn’t stand it. Then I met Adele and made it so I couldn’t go back to Leesy, even if I wanted to. I convinced myself that moving on was the right thing to do. Then, when I stood in front of the Justice of the Peace, starin’ at Dell, I knew I’d fucked up royally. It was too late, though; she was already pregnant with Cash. After that, I kept knocking her up, though God only knows how seein’ as we hardly ever shareda bed in that way. Freya was the only kid we planned. Haven’t bedded a woman since.”

“Your marriage was doomed from day one,” Abe muttered, his eyes lifting to meet mine. “But at least you both eventually worked it out. Gotta say, brother, I’m impressed with how enlightened you’ve gotten in your old age.”

My lips hitched. “Therapy’s a bitch. It chewed me up, but at least when it spat me out, I had some clarity. You say I never went after Elise, and you’re right, but she was always in my heart. My girl was always on my mind—”

A loud banging sounded from the door, and then Atlas’s voice boomed, “Dag! Layla’s water just broke.”

My heart leaped, “Get your ass in here,” I bellowed, rising from my chair.

The door flew open, and Atlas stepped in, rubbing his hands together excitedly. “Bowie’s takin’ her straight to the hospital. Her contractions aren’t far apart. Called Soph. She’s gonna wait for us. Reckons Layla may have been in slow labor for a while.”

Abe grinned. “I’ll get Iris. They’ll need their girls watched.”

My heart leaped at the thought of two more boys in the family. “Let’s fuckin’ go.” Grabbing my cell from my desk, I shoved it in my pocket. “Want a security detail, Atlas. Layla needs guards. Too much shit swirlin’ to leave her unprotected.”

Abe grinned at me, his eyes dancing. “Just think, this time tomorrow, we’ll have two more bikers in the makin’.”

A wide smile split my face, and I made for the door, Abe falling into step behind me. “The family’s growin’, brother,” I crowed. “It’s a dream come true.”

My friend clasped my shoulder and squeezed. “I’m happy for ya, John.”

“Thanks, bud.” I dipped my chin, looking Abe dead in the eye so he knew how much I meant my following words. “And thanks for the Ted talk.”

He met my stare full-on. “Before you go, tell me. Are you gonna get your girl back?”

Atlas’s steps faltered, and he turned to me, eyes narrowing.

I pointed at my SAA. “Before you say a word, asshole, I know Elise is damaged. After the way I let her down, I also know it’s gonna be a hard slog to win her trust.”

Abe barked a laugh. “When the fuck has hard work ever bothered you?”

I grinned huge at Abe’s words because in the back of my mind, I already knew my next step. I’d known it since the minute Atlas carried my woman back into the clubhouse, all battered and bruised.

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