Page 57 of The Drummer's Heart

“How did she react?”

I smiled slightly. “She seemed turned on, to be honest, but also uncomfortable with her reaction. Ultimately, she pushed back and told me to sleep on the floor. So that’s what I did, tossing and turning all night. Served me right.”

“What do you think caused you to act in such a way?”

“I’d gone to New York for the day, and I really missed her. Then we found out Mimi’s caretaker passed away. It was an emotional day. I guess it fucked me up a little, made me feel like I needed that physical contact.”

Her eyes widened. “Her grandmother’s caretaker died?”

“Sorry. Yeah.” I sighed. “What a shock. She had a heart attack while on vacation, and we need to find a way to tell Mimi. It’s gonna suck so bad.” I exhaled. “It looks like I’m going to be here longer than I originally thought.”

“Well, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“The messed-up thing is… I’m sort of happy about it.” I raised my palms. “I mean, not that Louise died, of course—didn’tmean to imply that. Just happy that I have a little bit of extra time here with Nicole. I feel like, at the very least, we’re working our way back to a friendship, even if she’ll never consider more than that with me again.”

She jotted something down. “You keep talking about your relationship as if it’s completely unsalvageable. From what you tell me, it seems like the two of you still have a lot of unresolved feelings for each other. So I’m surprised you don’t seem to have any hope.”

I rubbed my eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“I know we haven’t delved into what happened between the two of you. I haven’t wanted to push you into reliving what was clearly a trauma until you’re ready. But Idothink we need to go back a little today and continue your backstory with her.”

I swallowed. “Okay.”

“Let’s talk about the time when Delirious Jones started hitting it big. You said that was when your relationship with Nicole began to deteriorate…”

“Yeah.” I sucked in a breath and repositioned myself in the seat. “A couple of our songs went viral, and suddenly everyone was listening to our other stuff, too. We just blew up overnight. Or at least, it felt that way. Our manager set up our first multi-city tour soon thereafter, and everything started happening really fast.”

“What stage of your marriage were you in at the time?”

“Nicole and I had been married for about five years. We were living in Brooklyn at the time. Tristan and Ronan lived in New York back then, too, so we were all there. Nicole had built a big clientele in the city with her hairstyling. She’d been making all the money while I was a struggling musician.”

She nodded. “So that part changed almost overnight, too.”

“Right. I was suddenly making more money than we’d ever dreamed of. But Nicole loved her job and was taking steps toopen her own salon. I didn’t want her to give up her dream just because mine was coming to fruition. When I had to go on tour for the first time, she stayed behind to continue working. I thought that was the right decision because she would’ve lost everything if she’d dropped it all to come on the road with me. Back then, the tour amenities weren’t what they are now, either. We mainly stayed on the bus—no hotels the break things up. It wouldn’t have been comfortable for her. I didn’t want her to give up her life to sleep in a bunk for months.”

“So she stayed back, and you went on your first adventure…”

I nodded. “Yeah, and it was harder than I ever imagined. The distance really tested us.”

“Were you loyal?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Yes. I’ve never cheated on Nicole.”

“Okay…” She paused. “So tell me more about why it was hard.”

“We argued a lot. Just about the future. What was best for us…”

“She didn’t want you to continue your music career?”

I shook my head. “No, that wasn’t the issue. It was more like…she started expressing concern about whether us being married was the right thing, in light of my new life. She never discouraged my career, just the opposite. She’s always been my biggest cheerleader. But her doubts aboutuswrecked me. I’d get off the phone with her and my performance would be shitty. Or at least whatIconsidered shitty. Our fans don’t tend to notice the difference. I was ready to quit, though. But Nicole wouldn’t let me. She kept saying how hard I’d worked to get where I was.”

“How long was the tour?”

“Only a few months, but she knew it wouldn’t end there. She knew my life would never be the same, that our lives as we knew them had changed. She pushed me away slowly—until one dayshe admitted that she didn’t think she could do it. She didn’t think she could be a rockstar’s wife.” I shut my eyes.

“Sosheasked for the divorce?”

I nodded. “I would’ve left the band if it came down to a choice between Nicole or my career. But again, she refused to let me give it up. Refused to give me a choice. She sent the message loud and clear by filing the papers.”

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