Page 40 of The Drummer's Heart

I’m sorry.

I still love you.

But this one fucking hurts.

Although nothing hurts more than losing you.

Always lost without you,

Atticus

My eyes watered as I shut my laptop. It took me several minutes to decompress.

This was the email I’d selected today? It served quite effectively to remind me how out of line my jealousy toward Atticus’s “girlfriend” was. Ideservedto feel this way.

Mimi must not have been able to sleep, as I could hear her moving around in her bed. I hated the thought of going in there because having to lie to her about why Atticus was gone was going to suck. But if she was still up, I needed to check on her.

After stopping in the bathroom to splash water on my face, I went into her room.

Of course, the first thing she said was, “Where’s Atticus? I don’t hear him.”

He’s out with some bimbo.“Oh, he went to get some stuff we need for the house.”

“This late?”

“Yeah…” I cleared my throat. “You know there’s that twenty-four-hour Walmart.”

“Can you tell him to get some of those mint candies I like? The green and white starlight ones?”

“Oh, um…”

No way did I want to text him. He’d think I was making up an excuse to interrupt.

“He’s already left the store and is on his way back. Sorry.”

“That’s okay, honey.”

Not sure how I was going to explain if she stayed awake and noticed he never came home tonight, which was certainly a possibility.

I covered her with a blanket. “I’m sorry you’re having trouble sleeping. Try to get some rest.”

“Is everything okay with you and Atticus?”

I gulped. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just sensed something lately. I can’t put my finger on what it is.”

I would’ve loved some advice from her, but I was too deep into this farce to back out now. At this point, she might be more disappointed that I’d lied to her than the fact that Atticus and I were divorced. Still, I decided to give her some semblance of the truth.

“You picked up on that, huh?”

“Am I right?”

“You’re right that things have been better between us, yes.”

“Is it about kids? Are you having trouble getting pregnant? I asked Atticus about it the other day, and he didn’t seem comfortable talking about it.”

My stomach sank. “It’s not about kids, Mimi. I just struggle with the life Atticus leads sometimes. It’s not easy to be married to a famous musician.”It wasn’t, at least.

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