Page 66 of Unlikely You

She seemed interested so I showed her more. My fabrics and the folded pieces of the waterproof padding that went into my ebook and book sleeves. Honey even sifted her hand into my button basket, letting them tumble through her fingers.

“It must be hard keeping all this nice with a kitty around.” Arson chose that moment to make her presence known.

“There’s a reason I keep everything in bins with lids. I know that the chances of someone getting a little cat hair with their order is pretty high, but I hope they don’t get mad.”

I’d even made little Arson stickers saying PACKED BY ARSON that I used for some of my orders, and she featured prominently in my social media posts. People on the internet loved cats.

I’d forgotten to get Honey a drink, so I went ahead and poured some mango passion fruit juice into two glasses.

She’d taken a seat on the couch and was now eyeing my bookshelves.

“It’s so weird being here in your place. I pictured Bibliofile’s house a ton of times.”

The couch was small enough that I couldn’t sit on it without being incredibly close to her, but I guess I didn’t mind.

“And does this match up with what you pictured?” I’d pictured Melliferal’s place too.

“Sort of. I definitely knew you’d be organized. That was a given. And I knew you’d have books, obviously.” She gestured to my shelves that were organized by author’s last name, except for my TBR shelves, which were in order of which book I was going to read first. I also had a spreadsheet on my computer with all of them. Just in case.

“I didn’t lie about the books,” I said. I hadn’t lied about anything with her, actually.

Honey sipped from her drink and met my eyes.

“I didn’t lie to you about anything either. I still can’t believe you’re Biblio. We’ve been talking for, what, a year?”

I nodded. “A year.”

Honey leaned back on the couch and Arson jumped into her lap. She rubbed Arson’s head, causing her to purr loudly. Honey charmed everyone, human and cat alike. No wonder she was the one who went out and rescued the bees. I bet they all loved her too.

“I can’t believe you’re a real person,” she whispered. “I mean, I knew you were, but here you are. I never thought I’d see you in person. You made it pretty clear that it was never going to be a possibility.” She frowned.

“I’m real. And I never thought I’d meet you either.”

Honey pressed her full lips together. “Are you disappointed?”

No. Whatever else I was, I wasn’t disappointed.

Slowly I shook my head.

“But you’re not happy it’s me,” she said.

“I’m…I am still struggling to process this, Honey. To process everything.” We shouldn’t have kissed. That just added a wild wrench into the works.

Honey kept petting Arson, who had fallen asleep.

“You—” I started to say and then couldn’t finish. “I don’t know how to do this.” I gestured between the two of us. “Honey, I don’t do relationships. I don’t do complications. I don’t even do people in myhouse.”

Honey sat and listened to me, her eyes riveted to my face.

“I don’t do this for a reason. People are complicated and messy, and they want things I can’t give them, and they need things I can’t give them. I don’t have it to give, Honey.” I was desperate to make her understand. That I wasn’t worthy of her. That she should give her attention to someone else. Anyone else.

Honey listened and nodded.

“I’m hearing what you’re saying. But it’s at odds with what just happened at Sapph. And the way you kissed me and held me. I think you’re scared. But if your fear is stronger than what’s between us, then fine. I’ll go home and you can go back to ignoring me. I’m not going to beg you, Bren.”

I knew she wasn’t. Her words still made me feel sick inside. She couldn’t possibly know the conflict that warred inside me. About the conflicting desires to protect the life I’d built and my desire for her.

Fuck, I wanted her so much. It had made me shake at Sapph and I was trembling now with the need to grab her and hold her and kiss her and touch her. But I stayed where I was.

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