Page 44 of Catch Me

Shit, shit, shit. Has he worked it out somehow?

“Erm,” I glance at the door, my gateway to freedom. “All right, but make it quick, I'm fucking shattered and I want to get to bed early tonight.”

“Uh-huh,” Sean is barely listening, instead he continues drying his dick with a towel like I'm not standing right next to him. “Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you. You seem a little,” he locks eyes with me and I force a smile onto my face, “distant today.”

I look at the door again, my feet itching to just book it out of here before Sean can catch me. “Yeah I know sorry, I'm just a bit tired, didn’t sleep well last night.”

Sean nods slowly, contemplating. “Ok, if you say so.” His hand lands on the back of my shoulder in an empathetic pat. “See you at the house man.”

I take off without another word, pushing open the double doors and stepping out into the darkness of the lot. I throw my bag into the back of my car and clamber in, taking a moment to smashmy head against the steering wheel. This is so damn hard, all I want is to call her, to hear her voice. I search my pocket for my phone and pull it out, there are no messages on the screen which sinks the knife a little deeper into my stomach. I tap on her name and just stare at her contact picture, letting each tiny detail of her face burrow deep into my brain. Each wisp of her curls, each barely noticeable freckle on her nose, each deep dimple that appears when she smiles so brightly. Fuck, I miss her so much.

2:04am. I groan out loud and roll onto my back, hands behind my head as I peer up at the ceiling. It took me ages to fall asleep and as soon as I did my brain decided I needed to experience a panic attack for good measure. I had a nightmare about Lois, she was with another guy, kissing him, him running his hand up her thigh, under her dress. It makes me shudder to think about, my stomach is churning like I might reproduce the contents of my dinner at any moment. I sit up straight, the sweat on my back sending a cold chill down my spine. Even my hair is soaked in sweat, my heartbeat still settling back down to a normal speed. But what if that dream was my heart’s way of protecting me from reality? What if she really was with someone else tonight? Would she do that to me? I don't think so, but I’ve been constantly fucked over by so many people in my life that I find it hard to believe that anyonewouldn’tscrew me over.

I grab my phone from the bedside table and tap her name, listening to the call ring out. “Please pick up, please pick up.” I mutter to myself, trying to shake the images of my nightmare out of my head.

“Hello?” Lois’ croaky, sleep heavy voice comes through the speaker and my heart jumps with relief.

“Hey, sorry to call you so late.”

“It’s ok,” she says sleepily, a yawn following. “What’s up?”

“Can I erm, can I come over and sleep with you? I had a nightmare about something and I just can’t get it out of my head.”

There’s a silence for a beat and it’s fucking deafening.

What is she thinking? Probably that I'm making up any excuse to see her during this break that she wanted and I can only wish that was the case. The guy in my dream is still plaguing my mind, his fingers up her dress, his tongue in her mouth.

Urrrrgh, I feel sick.

“Yeah, of course you can.” She whispers after a much too long beat of silence and my lungs fill with air for the first time since she answered the phone.

“Thank you, I know you wanted space but it’s just for tonight I swear, I’ll be gone before you wake up.” I say, frantically pulling my sweats up my legs.

“Nick, I said it’s ok, just let yourself in when you get here.” She hangs up the phone and I ram each foot into a shoe, taking off into the chilly darkness of the night.

When I arrive at Lois’ dorm I run tentatively up the stairs to her floor, careful not to make too much noise and wake the whole fucking building up. But my feet are taking me up each step with a quicker pace, desperate to get to her as fast as possible. I need to see that she’s still real, she’s still my Lois, the one that left yesterday and sent a meandering crack through my heart.

I twist my spare key in the lock and tiptoe through the shadowy living room. The gap in the curtains lets through a beam of light from the streetlamp outside, casting a creeping shadow across the room that my instincts tell me to avoid. I push open Lois’ bedroom door slowly, tensing when it’s familiar creak greets my ears.

Her curls are splayed like a splattering of chocolate over her pillow, her eyes softly closed and flickering a little when I cross the room to her. I kick my shoes off and climb in beside her, looping an arm over her middle and pulling her back into my chest. Her warmth, her smell, everything is intoxicating and I feel like an addict who’s gone 24 hours without his usual fix.

I sink my face into her neck as she stirs in my arms. “Sorry to wake you,” I whisper into her curls and she snuggles back into my chest. “And sorry for coming over here, I know you need space right now and I promise I’ll be gone first thing in the morning.”

“Uh-huh,” she murmurs, throat crackling with sleep. “Just shut up and go to sleep.”

I snicker gently into her warm skin, the hand around her middle splaying wide across the smooth skin of her taut stomach. With my eyes closed and Lois in my arms I can forget for a moment that we have a cloud hanging over us. The Sean shaped cloud that looms overhead, ready to burst and drown us both in it’s storm.

But for now I decide to switch off my brain and let sleep pull me under as Lois breathes softly against my chest, her hair tickling my nose.

The one streak of sunlight breaks it’s way through the semi open curtains that hang loosely against Lois’ bedroom window. I haven’t moved positions all night and my muscles ache from the stillness as I gently tug my arm out from under Lois. She stirs gently and flips over to face me, her eyelids still sealed shut as I get dressed, watching her intently. Her chest lifts and falls, her beautifully bowed lips slightly parted and both hands resting under her cheek. I drop a kiss to her dimpled cheek, holding my lips against her skin for a long moment, not wanting to leave andspend another few days without her. But I tear myself away and close her bedroom door extra quietly, tiptoeing through the still dark kitchen towards the front door.

By the time I'm home I already feel fucking empty inside, the time is 6:07am and my eyes are still sore and heavy. I could sleep for another week if I'm honest, but instead I pull out my laptop and perch on a barstool at the island in our kitchen. I’m at least a month behind on coursework and I need to get my arse into gear before the end of the term or I’ll be off the hockey team quicker than my feet can touch the floor. Written work has never been my wrong point, I play hockey for the thrill, the adrenaline and the absolute fucking high I get when I zip across the ice. Sitting at the kitchen island writing an essay though? Doesn’t quite give me the same thrill.

The slow plodding of feet making their way down the stairs yanks my attention away from the headache inducing light of my laptop screen less than an hour later. Kyle appears, blonde hair tousled and wild, only a pair of low hanging sweatpants covering his body. He jumps a little when he spots me, sitting in the dark kitchen, only the light from my laptop screen illuminating my face.

“Jesus Christ, have you been up all night doing that? You look like shit.” He says on a yawn, pulling the fridge open and letting another beam of light spread across the kitchen floor.

I slam my laptop shut and let out a heavy sigh. “I got home at 6am.”

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