Page 1 of Lock Me Out

1

COLT

“Getthe fuck out of the way!” I punch the horn with my fist, making it blare loud enough that Leni winces in the passenger seat. I see her over there, and I’m even sorry for upsetting her, but I can’t find it in me to apologize. Besides, I know she understands. This is what I’ve waited for these past six months since finding Mom in the hospital and moving her closer to us so I could be with her when this day finally came. Until now, I wasn’t sure it ever would. It wasn’t until we got the call not more than twenty minutes ago that I believed it was possible for my mother to wake up after being in a coma for years.

“Colton, she’s awake. Your mother woke up a few minutes ago.”I was deep asleep when the phone rang, but by the time I heard those words, I was wide awake and already out of bed. Leni stared at me in a mixture of dread and confusion as she sat up, scrubbing a hand over her tousled hair. She finally pulled it all together over the course of the questions I fired at the doctor, and by the time I ended the call, she was already getting dressed.

Mom is awake. I don’t know what life is going to look like for her, but she’s awake. That can’t be anything but a good sign.

“Maybe slow down a little.” Leni’s voice is barely louder than a whisper, and it’s filled with nerves. But this isn’t her mom we’re rushing to. It’s my mom. My mom, who I hadn’t seen in years before she was found in that hospital where Dad stashed her, far away from her sons, the people who actually loved her and needed her. There’s part of my soul—what little of it is left—that craves the sight of her. That longs to have her look into my eyes and see me for the first time in too long.

“We’ll be there in a minute.” I can’t slow down. When the asshole in front of me taps his brakes instead of trying to beat a yellow light, I swerve around him, honking, ignoring the shouts through his window as I speed through the light and travel the last block before the hospital comes up.

“You have to try to calm down.” Leni’s hand covers my leg, and I have to resist the impulse to brush it away like I would a mosquito or a fly—like she’s a pest when she is anything but. “You don’t want her to see you like this. She would want you to be calm.”

She’s right. The fact that I almost swatted her away proves that. But she doesn’t know how it feels, either. Thinking for so long something was lost forever, then finally getting it back.

I wish Nix was here. That would make it perfect.

My heart is sinking by the time I take a quick right turn into the hospital parking lot. Dammit. He should be here. She should have both of her sons with her, letting her know we never stopped thinking about her, that we’ve been waiting for her to wake up ever since finding her alive.

But no. One of us is supposedly dead.

A burning coal of resentment lodges itself in my gut every time I think about him and the way the rest of the world is ready to accept the idea of him being gone. Nobody knows him like I do. He’s alive. I feel it.

I’m the only one that believes it. Not even Leni gets it. She’s content to believe what everyone else does: that he died in the explosion, that it’s his body in the grave in the cemetery. I went to his funeral and probably looked like a heartless, unfeeling bastard when I didn’t shed a tear while people all around me wept their hearts out.

Leni was one of them, whimpering softly, dabbing her eyes with a tissue and holding onto my arm for support. I gave it to her, but I felt nothing. It was like going through the motions in a nightmare or a fever dream, something that didn’t make any sense.

I sort of feel like I’m in a dream now, rushing to the hospital door once I’ve parked the car in the first available space. Leni has to trot to keep up with me and finally catches up by the time we’ve reached the elevators beyond the front desk. I’ve been here so many times, I practically know the hospital like the back of my hand. I recognize the people behind the desk, the security guard sitting with them, and I nod to them before jabbing my finger against the button.

“Seriously, Colt. Breathe.” Leni takes my hand, ignoring my tension, running her thumb over the back of my knuckles. “You want her to see you at your best. We don’t know how much she’s going to remember or whether she knows time has passed. It could be enough of a shock just to see you older than she remembers you.”

She’s right, isn’t she? While waiting for the elevator to arrive, I force myself to take a deep breath. There’s no way of knowing right now how much Mom will be able to handle. I need to be calm, gentle, even if I feel anything but as the doors open and we step inside.

Shifting my weight back and forth from one foot to the other, I can almost laugh at myself. I’m so nervous. What if she doesn’t remember me? What if she doesn’t know me at all? What if she’s awake but unresponsive? She had woken up only minutes before the doctor called, so there wasn’t much he could tell me about her condition. He probably still won’t have a clue. It will probably take time to get to the heart of the damage that was done.

I have to brace myself again as the doors open, taking a deep breath of disinfected air as we step out. Mom’s team is hanging around outside the door to her room, muttering things to each other, typing things on their tablets. One of them notices Leni and me as we approach and turns our way, meeting us halfway down the hall.

“I need to get in and see her,” I murmur, ready to push him aside if I have to. Dr. Spencer is probably my favorite of all of them. He’s honest, he doesn’t bullshit me, and I appreciate that. I feel like Mom would appreciate it, too.

That doesn’t mean I won’t bodyslam him if he doesn’t get the fuck out of my way.

The overhead light gleams off his bald head when he shakes it. “Just a minute. Let’s touch base before you go in there.”

Leni stays beside me, her grip on my hand tightening. There’s something about the way he said that which doesn’t exactlyinspire confidence or hope. My heart drops like a rock, but I force my way through it, stiffening my spine. She needs me to be strong now. Both she and Leni need me to be strong. “Give it to me straight. How is she?”

Offering a faint smile, he claps a hand over my shoulder. “It’s not bad at all. I’m sorry if I made it sound that way. It’s just that some people, in situations like this, expect to find their loved one exactly as they remember them. That’s just not possible when a person has been comatose for as long as your mother has. The fact that she’s woken up at all is… Well, I don’t like to use the word miracle, but it’s close.”

“Okay. I’ll try to be realistic.”

“That’s good to hear. She’s not able to speak yet,” he explains with a sympathetic grimace. “She’ll need a little more time and practice. Even then, she’s going to need extensive speech therapy, not to mention physical therapy. But she has proven she is alert and aware, is able to nod in response to questions, and we could not be happier with what she’s shown us so far.”

“That’s great news.” Leni’s breathless whimper tells me she’s close to tears, and I pull her against my side, holding her close.

She’s right. It is great news.

And Nix should be here, dammit. He’s missing all of this. Why the hell won’t he come back? Maybe one day I’ll be able to understand, but right now I can’t imagine forgiving him for missing this. He’s going to regret it, the asshole.

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