Page 2 of Lock Me Out

“Can we go in now?” I ask. When the doctor nods, Leni takes my hand again, walking beside me as we take the last few steps into the room we’ve visited countless times in the last six months.

All this time, I’ve only seen her with her eyes closed, her face slack, lifeless. Now she’s sitting up a little more instead of lying back, her head propped up by a pillow, her eyes wide open as they take in the room around her.

And when they see me, they go wider and watery as tears fill them.

It’s like being punched in the gut, but in the best way. The shock is almost enough to make me sway on my feet, while my mind tries to make sense of what I’m looking at. Like I’m afraid to accept what I see. “Mom,” I whisper, almost laughing when her head bobs just a little, enough that I know she hears me and understands.

And now nothing matters more than being by her side. I cross the room quickly and sink into the chair next to the bed, taking her hand, touching my forehead to the back of it. After everything I’ve done and all the sins I’ve committed, I have no right to thank God for anything, but that’s what I do. Silently, in my heart, even though I doubt there’s any entity that will actually understand.Thank you. Thank you so much.

“They told me you can’t talk yet, but I know that will come back with enough practice.” I’m almost giddy, chuckling when I raise my head. “Can you imagine there would ever have been a time you couldn’t talk your head off? You’ll get it back. I know you will.”

Her eyes search my face, filled with wonder and confusion and so many questions. “You’ve been in a coma for a long time. I’m sure they told you that already,” I whisper, and she nods slightly, squeezing my hand. My mom just squeezed my hand. A sob tries to build in my chest, but I hold it back. I’m so fucking happy; Idon’t know what to do. It’s like getting the biggest, best gift ever, and I have no idea what to do with it. “Do you know why?”

Her eyebrows draw together for a second, and I wish I hadn’t asked when I see the pain in her eyes. She remembers. But hey, at least now we know her memory wasn’t lost. If she remembers the bad, that means she’ll be able to remember the good, too. That’s how life works. Good and bad.

“Let me tell you something.” Looking her straight in the eye, I murmur, “He’s dead. Dad is dead. You never have to worry about him again. He can never hurt you again—he can’t hurt any of us. That part is all over. All you have to do now is focus on recovering. And I will do everything I can to help you, I swear. We’ve got this, right?”

The corners of her mouth twitch in a weak smile, but again, her brows meet over the bridge of her nose. When her lips part, I hold my breath, waiting. Is she going to try to speak? Will she be upset if it doesn’t work?

After what feels like forever, she lets out a frustrated sigh and mouths a single word: “Nix.”

Obviously, she was going to ask about him. I’m sitting here, practically in tears, but he’s nowhere in sight. “Nix isn’t here right now. We haven’t seen him in a while. He is… away, but it’s okay. I know he’ll be back.” It’s only when Leni makes a choked sound behind me that I remember she’s even here. I’ve been so focused on Mom, I didn’t think about her. She doesn’t approve of what I said, just like she doesn’t approve of me refusing to believe my brother is dead. But that’s because he’s not dead. I know he isn’t.

It’s safer and better to turn toward her and extend a hand. “Mom, Leni’s my girlfriend now. I know that will come as a surprise,” I add, turning back to her and watching her eyes go big and wide. “We live together, only minutes from here. We’ve come to see you so many times, and we’ll be back all the time, too. Both of us. I know you must have a million questions.”

Mom snorts softly, and Leni and I laugh. Even the fact that she can do that is a win. The sort of win I never hoped for.

She’s obviously getting tired, her eyes half-closed and her head sinking into the pillow. There’s been more activity in the past hour than she’s experienced in years. After promising to be back to see her tomorrow, I kiss Mom’s forehead and we leave the room, heading down to the cafeteria since we never took time to eat breakfast, and I’m not quite ready to leave yet. There’s too much to process.

I barely feel my feet touch the floor the whole way downstairs. My head is in the clouds. It was a short visit, but it was the best visit of my life.

“You were so great in there.” Leni waits next to me while the guy behind the counter scrambles eggs for us. The cafeteria is surprisingly good, with a huge selection of foods. We’ve eaten more than a few meals here ever since I had Mom moved so she could be close to us.

“It’s one of those things where you imagine a hundred times what you would do or say, but then the moment comes and everything you ever thought goes out the window.” Leni is the only person I would confess something like that to—well, her and Nix. I don’t know what’s worse: missing him or hating him for removing himself from my life, all our lives. Upsetting Mom, though I’m sure he never thought she would factor in. Ididn’t learn until after the explosion that she was even alive and comatose in a Florida hospital.

“I don’t know how I would’ve handled it, so I’m in awe of you,” she says. I don’t know how she manages to be so supportive and loving sometimes. Like there’s this endless well of love inside her. I don’t think I deserve it, but she seems to think I do.

A handful of tables are in use, and I glance toward them as we pass with our trays. People in scrubs, grabbing a quick breakfast and coffee. A couple off in the corner, leaning on each other for support. There are so many stories around here—ours is only one of them. Today we are one of the happy stories, sitting together, grinning at each other every once in a while. I couldn’t have known when I fell asleep last night that the morning would turn out like this.

Just like I couldn’t have imagined watching my house explode one day. An explosion that killed my father and Leni’s mom… and someone else, a third body that was never identified, a body close enough to the source of the explosion that it was pretty much completely destroyed. Lazy investigators assumed it was Nix’s, and the fact that my brother decided to disappear only strengthened their theory, at least in their own minds.

I don’t want to think about that now, not when there’s hope and the promise of a future for a woman whose life was almost taken by the man who was supposed to love her. He destroyed her, he almost destroyed Leni, and he got what was coming to him. Now, with Mom being awake, there’s the possibility we’ll all be able to move forward.

All I need is for my brother to come back and prove I was right all along. That’s the only thing that will begin to erase the damage that bastard did.

2

LENI

A senseof heavy sadness settles over me as we roll through the tall, wrought-iron gates leading to the place where Mom and Nix are waiting. It’s so peaceful here—the kind of quiet that I suppose could be considered eerie, but at times like this, it feels comforting. I like to think of them being at peace here, especially Mom, whose life was so difficult in her later years, after I was injured, and she worked so hard to make sure I had what I needed.

It’s so damn unfair that we’re never given any warning when our last years will come. James had seemed like a dream come true; the answer to all of her problems. At least she had a little bit of time when she didn’t have to constantly worry about how we were going to make ends meet.

Of course, there’s no such thing as miracles, and her short-lived freedom came at a heavy price. I almost wish she had never found all that incriminating evidence. I wish, if she had to die, she could’ve died believing her life was a happy one.

That’s where my sadness comes from as we roll to a stop at the end of a row of graves. They’re newer on this side of the cemetery—there’s one up ahead that looks like it was only just filled recently. By now, the earth over Mom’s grave has flattened out until it looks pretty much the same as all the others.

“Are you okay?” Colt’s question is maybe a little sharp, a little testy. Being here freaks him out, but he says he understands why I need to do this. Maybe one day I won’t feel the need as strongly as I do now, but regular visits help me feel connected.

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