Page 95 of Ink & Stardust

“You panicked?” She lets out a humorless laugh.

“I just... I looked up, and she was there. I was caught off guard.”

“You were caught off guard?” She phrases it like a question she already knows the answer to, and it’s most certainly not the answer I’ve given. “You, the smoothest talker I’ve ever met in my life, couldn’t think of a single thing to say? You didn’t panic, you chickened out... Again.”

“She looked at me like she wanted to rip my fucking face off, Maisie. What would you have had me do? Grovel right there in front of everyone?” I run a frustrated hand through my hair.

“Yes!” She throws her arms wide. “Where’s the guy who a few months ago nearly killed someone for touching her and then staked his claim for the whole party to see?”

“That was different.”

“How was it different?” She crosses her arms in front of herself.

“I wasn’t in love with her then.” I expect the confession to taste bitter on my tongue, but it doesn’t. In fact, it feels like the first real thing I’ve said in a long, fucking time.

“You sure about that?”

“All I knew was that I wanted her, and I didn’t want anyone else to have her. There was less at stake then. Now I have this weight just sitting on my fucking chest, and it feels like it’s about to suffocate me.”

“Then talk to her.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Actually, it is. You forget I have front-row seats to both sides. You’ve both been a mess for days, and yet, you’re too fucking stubborn to just tell her the truth. What are you so afraid of?”

“All of it!” My voice booms through the room. “I’m fucking terrified, Maisie.”

It should feel strange to admit such things to my friend’s little sister, but it doesn’t because, in a way, she’s kind of like a sister to me too.

“Well, you better get unterrified, or you’re going to fuck around and lose her for good. She came home after class all up in arms about the way you treated her today, and now she’s all gung ho about the party at Delta tonight.”

“She’s going?”

Maisie nods.

“She’s planning on laying one on tonight. Not that I’m opposed to drinking away your feelings. I’ve been known to do that a time or two myself. But this... This isn’t Lyric. And I’m afraid she’s going to do something she’s really going to regret just to spite you.”

“What would you have me do? Show up and pronounce my love for her?”

“Why not? You’ve already admitted you’re in love with her.”

“To you.”

“If you feel it, why does it matter who you’ve said it to? The facts are the facts. You love her. Whether you tell me or you tell her, it doesn’t change the truth.”

I think over her words.

“What are you so afraid of, Kai?” Her tone softens.

“I don’t know,” I admit, dropping down onto the edge of my bed. “I have this pit in my stomach that’s been there since she told me she loved me, and for the life of me, I can’t shake it.”

“Because it forced you to admit that you feel the same way about her. Why is that so terrifying to you, though? I’ve watched you my entire life. Watched you weave through women like you were trying to build a web around yourself. You’ve never let anyone get too close.”

“Maybe I’m afraid of what they’d see if I did,” I mutter bitterly.

“Which is what, Kai?”

“That I’m not someone worth loving.” I reluctantly meet her gaze, which instantly softens at my admission.

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