Page 93 of Ink & Stardust

He’s so beautiful it hurts. As cliché as that sounds, it’s true.

Hannah continues to talk, having not yet realized that my focus is somewhere else completely.

My heart ramrods against my ribs in the excruciating way it does every time I think about Kai too much. It’s even worse now with him right in front of me.

I take in the long stride of his steps. The way his jacket moves against his shoulders. The way the wind tosses his hair. Hair that I can still feel threaded between my fingers as if they were tangled in it at this very moment.

My chest feels like it might crack open and spill my insides onto the ground for the world to see.

I knew how badly I missed him—so much sometimes I struggle to contain it. But actually laying eyes on him for the first time in twelve days... Yeah, there are no words for the misery I feel without him.

He glances up, his gaze colliding with mine a few feet before we pass each other. There’s a brief moment of recognition that flares behind his eyes, but then he quickly looks away, sliding past me like I’m no more than a stranger.

A strangled noise claws its way up my throat, and I reach out, grabbing onto the first thing I can find to keep myself upright, which just so happens to be Hannah.

“Are you okay?” She stops abruptly, glancing from my face to the hand currently fisting her sweatshirt, back to my face.

“I, uh...” I fight to regulate my breathing. “I’m sorry.” I release her shirt. “I got really lightheaded there for a second.” The lie slides past my lips.

“Do you need me to take you somewhere? Walk you back to your dorm?” She looks oddly concerned, which makes me wonder what she must see staring back at her.

“No. No. I’m good.” I straighten, scrubbing my hands down the front of my sweater. “It happens sometimes.”

“You sure?” She doesn’t seem convinced.

“Yeah, yeah. Probably low blood sugar. I’m gonna go grab something from the cafeteria.” Without waiting for her to respond, I spin on my heel and take off in the opposite direction that I actually need to go.

I keep moving until I’m out of Hannah’s eyesight, ducking around a building before pressing my back against the cool brick, tears pinching at the corners of my eyes.

He acted like he didn’t even know me.

My breathing accelerates.

He barely even looked at me.

My heart pounds hard... Too hard.

He just walked right by me like I meant nothing.

I double over, bracing my hands on my knees as what little breakfast I forced down this morning threatens to come back up.

He walked by me like I was no one.

Warm tears streak down my cheeks, a stark contrast to the temperature of my skin.

In through the nose. I pull in a shaky breath.

Out through the mouth. My chin quivers.

In through the nose. I repeat the process.

Out through the mouth. I let out a gargled noise.

In through the nose. I pull in another deep breath, forcing myself upright.

Out through the mouth.

“Fuck this.” I press off the wall, pivoting in the direction of my dorm room. “If he wants to treat me like I don’t exist...” I mutter aloud, talking to myself like the crazy person that I am as I angrily swipe at tears that now flow freely from my eyes. “Game on, asshole,” I grit out. “Game freaking on.”

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