Page 51 of The Carver

“You’re right. That’s exactly who I was.” His eyes remained on mine, still furious and hard in intensity, like he was about to snap and scream at me. The silence trickled between us, but instead of letting the intensity disperse, it only got worse. I saw a slight tremor in his body, a tightness in his neck that nearly snapped the cords under the skin. “Until I met you.”

A wave of raw emotion swept through me, a combination of so many different feelings that I couldn’t tell them apart. I was touched by the words and the affection packed behind them—and I was fucking scared.

“You asked me, sweetheart.”

“I said I’d rather not say, and you pushed.”

“You want honesty, and that’s a two-way street.”

“I know what I said?—”

“Ask me how I feel about you.”

“Bastien, this is going way too fast?—”

“It’s going exactly the pace it’s supposed to,” he said. “Now, ask me.”

I knew what he would say, and while those words would bring me unimaginable joy, they would also bring a vulnerability I couldn’t handle right now. I was becoming thinner, weaker, and more transparent by the day—and infinitely more fragile.

When he knew I wasn’t ready, he turned away and walked out of the bathroom.

Once I was alone, my breaths grew deep and labored, the danger gone but the fear profound. I waited a minute or two before I stepped into the bedroom, seeing him dressed in only his sweatpants. Sunlight continued to come through the open curtains and highlight the elegant bedroom fit for a ruler.

He stepped into the other room, probably to sit on the couch and watch TV.

I didn’t know if I should get dressed and leave…or stay. He seemed to have shut me out, so I wasn’t sure. Instead of getting dressed and making assumptions that might piss him off, I approached him on the couch. “Should I go?”

He didn’t look away from the TV, which was on now. His muscular back was to me, the dark ink a distinct contrast against his fair skin. His body was still, like it didn’t draw breath the way mine did. “I never want you to go, and you know that.”

The weekend came and went, and I was back to the daily grind of a regular person. Being at my desk before nine, eating my lunch by myself, walking home at five, sometimes in the rain.

It was tense between Bastien and me after that fight, if you could call it a fight. That seemed to be the number one cause of strife in our relationship, him wanting to hit the gas while I wanted to hit the brake.

But Ididn’twant to hit the brake. I just didn’t want to go a hundred miles an hour.

However, Bastien had been in the driver’s seat from the beginning—and he wouldn’t give up the wheel.

It’d been a couple days since I’d seen him. I’d spent the entire weekend at his house, so I didn’t expect a sleepover for a while. He probably had work that needed his attention, details he didn’t share with me because I’d rather not know. But he texted me every day, several times a day. For a man who’s never been a boyfriend, he knew exactly how to do it. When we were apart, I didn’t worry about what he did behind my back. He mustget offers left and right, but I wasn’t scared he would cash one of them in. Maybe it was because I trusted him without even realizing it.

When I got off work on Wednesday, I texted Adrien.Can I come by?

His dots were immediate, something that hadn’t happened during our marriage. Hours would pass before I’d get a response from him. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I wasn’t needy and insecure—not like I was now.

Another thing I liked about Bastien. I never had to be needy and desperate for his attention or validation because he gave it before I had to ask. He let me know every day that I was the one woman on his mind. He was always available for my texts and calls, anytime—day or night.

I appreciated it more than words could say.

Yes, I’m home.

Okay, be there in ten.

I’m excited to see you.

I rolled my eyes before I pocketed the phone.

Ten minutes later, I arrived at the house that used to be mine, the smell exactly as I remembered, everything feeling familiar and foreign at the same time. Our wedding picture used to be on the wall in the entryway, but I noticed it was missing.

Adrien joined me a moment later, his eyes lit up like stars at the sight of me. He went straight for me, opening his arms to hug me.

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