Page 36 of Devoted

If I could go back, I never would’ve asked him to meet up. I hated that it had changed things. I didn’t need my mind to tell me I’d fucked it all up, I was well aware of my mistakes.

I needed to get on board with the idea that Zeke and I would never meet in real life. And you know what they say: The best way to get over a man is to get under a different one. Hooking up wasn’t something I did often—it was too much of a trigger for my OCD—but I had a few…well, I wouldn’t go as far to call themfriends, but acquaintances with benefits. Men I knew I could trust who would fuck me and leave, no questions asked.

I should reach out to one of them. Jude, perhaps. He was easygoing and friendly and, most importantly, nothing about him reminded me of Zeke.

A few hours with him could be what I needed to get my head screwed on right where Zeke was concerned.

Because if one thing was clear, it was that I couldn’t cut things off with Zeke. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to.

Bracing myself for the sound of his voice, I answered the phone. “Hey, Zeke.”

“How’s the all-powerful assistant today?” His deep rumble settled into my bones far too comfortably.

“Don’t think those words are supposed to go together.” I reached for my Jelly Babies, popping one into my mouth.

“Hmm, I don’t know. If you ask me, the assistant has all the power. They set the schedule and do what needs to be done so the boss can function. Without you, it’d all fall apart.”

“You give me too much credit.”

“Or maybe you don’t give yourself enough, Sam. Don’t put yourself down, please. I suspect your brain does that for you anyway—you don’t need to heap it on too.”

I couldn’t argue with that.

“Besides,” he continued, “I’ve seen the work you do, Sam, and you’re far above a dogsbody. You’ve got quite the eye for marketing. Your graphics are far better than the standard for the industry.”

I stiffened. “How would you know that?”

“Ah.” Zeke sounded sheepish. “This is one of those times where I’ve spoken before thinking it through.”

“It’s funny really, how different we are in that respect,” I mused. “I overthink everything and you don’t think about anything.”

“That’s not true. I think about you.”

I closed my eyes to fight against the rising hope. “Don’t say things like that, Zeke. It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It’s true, but I shouldn’t have said it.”

“You shouldn’t. Not when we both know it won’t change anything.”

Zeke might’ve been miles away, but the tension bubbling over the line made the distance seem even greater. “I wish it could.”

I ignored that. There was no point continuing along this path—it would only end in more heartache for me. “How have you seen my graphics?”

“You mentioned one of your authors, Kirsty Audus? I checked out her Instagram. Then I kind of fell down a rabbit hole, comparing your work to others. I was impressed, Sam. I might know fuck all about marketing, but I can recognise quality, and what you produce is quality.”

My brain said I should argue with him and insist he couldn’t make a judgement given his own admission of not understanding it, but, for once, I was able to overrule my brain. “Thank you.”

“Thank yourself,” Zeke said. “You’re the one who did the work.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, instead lapsing into silence.

“Sam…” There was no missing Zeke’s frustration. For all his talk of his temper, he’d never shown it towards me. “Are you…Is everything okay?”

I leaned my elbow on the desk, resting my forehead against my palm. “It’s okay. I’m okay, just having a shitty day.”

“Do I need to shout at someone?”

I laughed. “No, I’m fine. Think I might be burning out a bit. Maybe I need to do something to relax.”

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