Page 24 of After Class

Now, the only worry that lingered was this: could I bring myself to tell him I wanted more? That I couldn't linger in this casual no-man's land? Did I dare? And what would happen then? I would soon have to send in my application for the Students Abroad program, and he had promised to write my recommendation letter. What would happen when I left to Europe for a semester, possibly for a year? Did I really want to put myself in a position of having to worry if someone was waiting for me?

"Oh you've got itbad, girl," Maya said, shaking her head at me. I had invited her over to split the Ben & Jerry's after work, and I had yet to even say a word about Adrian.

"What do you mean?" I said, feigning as much innocence as I could. It was a pathetic attempt. She gave me slow look, her eyes fluttering as she dramatically rolled them.

"Come ooonnn, Cass," she said. "You're crushinghardon this "casual" guy of yours. I can see it on your face. You're all distant and dreamy." She fluttered her hands. "AndI can smell a man all over this couch. Which means he was here for awhile."

What kind of super-human was she? Some kind of romance sniffer dog? I gave it up, and sighed the most dramatic, overblown sigh ever sighed.

"I don't know how this happened Maya," I said. "It really was supposed to just be casual. Like a rebound from Ethan. But he's just so . . . so . . . he brought this ice cream."

She stared wide-eyed, a spoonful clamped in her mouth. "Oh honey," she said, around a mouthful of Chunky Monkey. "You've got him in the palm of your hand."

Did I? That didn't quite seem to coincide with the orders, punishments, and disciplines, and yet it somehow meshedtogether into a perfect system of care and trust. Maybe I was being the same naïve girl I had been for the past two years, but I genuinely couldn't imagine Adrian going out of his way to be nice just for the sake of getting what he wanted. He just . . . he wasn't like that.

He was sadistic, merciless, and absolutely perverted, but . . . he wasn't an asshole.

"Tell him how you feel," Maya said simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "And tell himsoon, before everything gets too confusing, before he starts thinking about having other options."

The conundrum bothered me the entire weekend. Every easy, flirtatious text exchange with Adrian over the next several days had me itching to send a long message declaring how I felt. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept hovering uneasily between telling myself I was right to hold back, and screaming at myself for being tragically wrong, and risking losing the opportunity altogether. As Maya had said, I knew Adrian had to have other options. Just seeing the way the students looked at him told me that much.

But maybe it was meant to stay that way.

I was still stressing over my options on Friday. Adrian had been at work nearly the whole day, so I'd had plenty of time to worry without any of his usual distracting texts throughout the day. I had settled in to dinner when I heard a knock at my door. Maya never knocked, but it was late enough that Adrian could have been off work. Hoping for a surprise visit, I abandoned my dinner on the table to open the door with an anticipatory smile.

But it wasn't Adrian at all. It was Ethan.

I almost slammed the door. I should have. But forced politeness and shock took over. I stared at him, disbelieving at first and then, slowly . . . frightened. What did he want?

"Hi," he said, his voice almost mockingly cheerful. "Hope this isn't a bad time." He kept peering past me, into the apartment, as if looking for something.

"Well I was about to have dinner," I said, hating how quiet and uncertain my voice became. "So yeah. It's kind of a bad time."

"Can I come in for a little bit?" he said, although it didn't really sound like a question. I was beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

I shook my head. "No. You can't. I really don't want to see you." I was about to close the door, but his foot very firmly stopped it. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself. What the hell was he doing?

"Cass, I'm worried about you," he said, and I almost could have believed he was actually concerned from the wide-eyed look on his face. Almost, if I hadn't known that Ethan Carter genuinely did not feel empathy towards other humans.

"Move your fucking foot," I hissed. "I said I don't want to see you."

His hand now joined his foot, pressing against the door with an unmoveable show of strength. What was I supposed to do? Scream? Call for help? My voice felt choked up within me with my own uncertainty.

"Come on, Casszi," he said, shoving the door so that I had to step back. He let himself in, still looking around skeptically. "Don't be afraid to ask for help."

"What thehellare you talking about?" I began to think that this was the point at which I needed to call the police. But my phone was on the couch and Ethan had me cornered against the wall next to the door. I desperately hoped someone would walk by,anyone, and see what was happening.

But no one was coming. We were alone. I was alone.

Ethan's face was a mockery of concern, a carefully constructed mask over anger that I had learned to tiptoe around for years. Charles, suddenly seeing his opportunity as he wandered by, made a break for the door. I tried to stop him, but Ethan shoved me back and Charlie slipped out the door, running down the hall.

"Charles!" I called after him desperately, and Ethan slammed the door shut.

"Would you forget about that fucking cat for one minute?" He snapped. "I saw you with ourprofessor, Cass. Mr. Blackwood? Yeah, Isawhim . . ." He paused, as if searching for the words that would dig the deepest. "I saw him molesting you in the parking lot."

Molesting me?I would have laughed if I hadn't been so frightened. The very idea was so absolutely ridiculous, so ludicrously wrong, I couldn't imagine why he had chosen to phrase it that way. But as he towered over me, the cruel spark in his eye told me heknewhe was wrong. That was the point.

"Do you think school officials won't take a rape report seriously?" he said, his voice low. He tried to touch my face and I slapped his hand away, making his anger flare. "Your perverted little professor will lose his jobimmediatelyCass. As he should. He's a danger, taking advantage of female students-"

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