Page 9 of Deadly Daddy

Shane kept going. “I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you the other night. You didn’t deserve it.”

The fight bled from Kyson. Frustration was something Kyson understood all too well. He imagined Shane felt the same way watching Banks kill himself as Kyson did watching Tabitha. “I understand. You don’t want me enabling him.”

Shane swiped a hand over his eyes. “I don’t know that it’s even that. It’s just—”

“You feel helpless,” Kyson finished for him. “You’re watching him kill himself and there’s nothing you can do. Part of you wonders if he’s even wrong for it.”

Shane gave him a sharp nod.

Kyson sat on the edge of his bed and held Shane’s stare. “You’re not wrong to feel all those things. While I feel the same way, I’m also determined to love him no matter what every step of the way, because you know what? No one else has, and that’s a huge part of the problem.” Kyson shoved his clasped hands between his knees so Shane wouldn’t see the way they shook. While thiswasn’t exactly a confrontation, Kyson had stopped being able to have conversations like this a long time ago. He had been beaten into submission and fear. This was too important, though. “He’s used to being everyone’s disappointment. There’s no reason for him to fight. Everyone is just waiting for the day he turns up dead, so why should he bother? He should care because I’m here waiting. I love him and I need him to come home. If he doesn’t wake up tomorrow, it’ll kill me. Banks needs someone to feel that way. Since life has already stripped everything from me, I’m the perfect person for the job. I have nothing to lose except him. So I don’t really give a fuck if you judge me for it.”

A smile exploded across Shane’s face. “You’re pretty tough for a Little.”

Pain sliced through Kyson. He shook his head. “I wear the clothes, play with the toys, and go through the motions. But I don’t find comfort in being a Little anymore and I don’t know if I ever will again. Everything inside me is just defeated.”

With his shoulder leaned against the doorframe and his arms crossed over his chest, Shane stared at Kyson like he saw him. It was exposing, yet oddly freeing. Shane straightened. “Well, it seems you’re more perfect for Banks than even you know. I’m glad he has you.”

A weak smile pulled at Kyson’s lips. It had been nerve-wracking, but he was glad they had this conversation. He hated walking on eggshells. Maybe he hadn’t solved anything inside himself, but he still felt better. Now he wanted Banks to hold him. He was a mental mess.

Banks leaned against the wall inside his bedroom, just out of sight. He listened to every word. His chest hurt. He honestly didn’t know how to feel. Nothing was said Banks didn’t know in his heart, but still. It demolished him to hear aloud how much damage Jack had done. He felt such a mixture of pride in Kyson’s strength and heartbreak for knowing how deeply Banks always hurt everyone who loved him. But he heard how much Kyson loved him and couldn’t doubt him. There was too much power behind the way his voice shook. Banks couldn’t lose him the way he had everyone else. He equally couldn’t handle his emotions today. Banks fought the urge to trash the house and find every loose pill. He wanted to tear off his skin.

His hands shook as he tapped a laced cigar from its packaging. It was the tamest drug he used. Banks just needed to take the edge off and forget the way Kyson had stared at his mother with so much pain. He knew that look. It matched how he always felt: fucking helpless. He was completely fucking useless in the face of every single sin of his father’s making. Banks was just like his mom. When he saw the way she never left the house, or stayed sober even for a second, he saw his future and he hated it. Banks just didn’t know how to avoid that outcome.

He lit up and inhaled.

Kyson appeared in the doorway.

Banks almost snuffed out the cigar immediately in guilt, except Kyson smiled like his whole day brightened because he set eyes on Banks. He snuffed out the cigar because he wanted both hands free for his baby.

“Come here.” He lifted Kyson from his feet and headed for bed. “I think you need to be cuddled.”

Kyson held his stare, looking sweet and innocent. “I really do.”

God, he was so in love with this man. He was everything Banks needed. Maybe he stood no chance of not being an addict, but he still felt more human with Kyson around. Kyson was the only thing he wanted more than the drugs. That was saying more than even Kyson knew. He had given up a long time ago. Now there was a spark inside him Kyson fanned every day. The moment he had Kyson settled in his arms, Banks could breathe. There was no pressure sitting on his chest. The weight of the world disappeared.

He kissed Kyson’s temple. “You are my whole world. You know that, right?”

He swore he heard Kyson smile. “Same.”

Banks held him tighter. People claimed love wasn’t enough to save anyone. Banks disagreed. Kyson was the only thing saving him. Without him, there was nothing but an early grave.Whatever it took, he would be the perfect daddy. Kyson deserved the best.

Chapter Five

At the PlayPen, Kysonhad a certain group of friends he always played with. They didn’t seem to be around as often since Jupiter married Boone and Luca married Jarek. Soren was always around to hang out with Kyson, but it was rare for the four of them to be together. Kyson was thrilled to have their little group back together for a game of Jenga.

In the corner, on the floor, they sat in a circle, taking turns and laughing every time they had to start over. Kyson desperately wanted to tell them about Banks. It had been several weeks since he had moved his things to Banks’ bedroom. He was happier than he had ever been and really wanted to share it with someone. Each time he opened his mouth to get started, his face flushed. They weren’t a secret. He just kind of liked keeping Banks to himself. Kyson wasn’t ready to share.

“I’m so happy everyone is here. We never get to see each other anymore. As a group, I mean.”

Soren nodded at Kyson’s words. He focused on Jupiter and Luca. “Married life must keep you two busy. You’re never here anymore.”

Luca laughed. “To be fair, Daddy works long hours, so I usually play at his office.”

“All alone?” Jupiter sounded horrified.

Luca blushed. “Well, sometimes, it’s fun to be alone… with Daddy.”

They roared with laughter, making Luca blush redder and heads turn their way. Kyson met Banks’ stare. They didn’t look away. Heat built between them.

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