Page 18 of Deadly Daddy

“I chose you.” Banks’ voice broke.

It took Kyson a second, but the truth dawned. Unlike his mom, Banks chose love. His throat swelled. Then he made the mistake of meeting Banks’ stare. A tear slipped from Banks’ eye. Like that, Kyson broke. His body jerked as the first cry hit. Kyson cried so hard, he thought he might puke. Even though Banks had tears spilling from his eyes, he still held Kyson and comforted him. They were each other’s rock. It was the first real, gut-wrenching cry Kyson had let himself fall into since Jack. He had been scared if he fell apart, he would never be whole again. But Banks and he had each other. They would face tomorrow together.

Banks kissed his cheek. “Shhh, baby. I’m here. She loved you so much.”

It broke his heart even more that Banks felt like he needed to comfort him. He didn’t know how to explain how the floodgates had simply opened. Tabitha’s death was just the final straw.

Banks sat up and stacked the pillows against the headboard before leaning against them. “Okay. Come here, baby.”

Kyson dutifully straddled Banks’ lap and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

Banks pulled the covers up and tucked them around Kyson. He rubbed Kyson’s back. “I don’t think I can handle setting eyes on Dad for a while. Sometimes, I scare myself with how far I’ll go. I think we should go away for a little while.” He kissed Kyson’s forehead. “Not forever. I know you have a family and Soren is here. Obviously, I have my brother. But I think we need a break from—I don’t know—the vibes, I guess.”

Kyson lightly sucked Banks’ neck to soothe himself. He understood what Banks meant. So much bad had happened, and even though they had found each other amongst the rubble, the bad still lingered like a cloud.

“When we were kids, Mom used to take us to Colorado to go skiing. We stayed at this ritzy-ass resort, of course. By no means did Mom ever rough it. But we would ski the bunny slope and then sit by the fire and drink hot chocolate. Those are some of the few times I remember feeling like this was a normal family. It took me a long time to realize Mom sliced those normal moments out of life for us. She made sure we understood peace and happiness. If there is any good in me, it came from her.”

Kyson thought Banks was ninety percent his mother. He had the best heart.

“I’d love to do that again. It’s not the same, obviously. But I want to slice some normal moments out of life for us. I want to marry you and always have a peaceful place to fall.” He took a shaky-sounding breath. “I swear I’d never fail you the way my family failed me. The way we’ve failed each other.”

Kyson sniffed. “You’re incapable of failing me. I want all those things too.”

Banks’ arms tightened around him. “I love you.”

Kyson kissed Banks’ neck. “I love you too.”

“Let’s get some sleep.”

Kyson nodded. Tomorrow would likely be a long and horrible day. If Kyson knew nothing else, he knew they needed their strength. There was no telling what hell awaited them with the sun, and grief was never ending.

Chapter Eight

Banks dragged a half-asleepKyson from bed at the ungodly hour of four a.m. to leave for Colorado. Kyson had tried arguing he would regret not going to his mother’s funeral. Banks knew his mother would want no one to see her like that. She was gone. Banks needed to deal with it his way.

He had spoken to Boone before waking Kyson. Banks hadn’t wanted to disappoint his brother. Together, they had decided it would be best if Banks left. He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t find his hands around his father’s throat. Banks absolutely did not want to end up at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol or pills. He had to walk away from this before he lost the will to be sober for Kyson.

The moment they were in the air, Banks had gone a step further and blocked his dad’s number. He doubted the movewould be permanent, but Banks wasn’t sure about anything at the moment. Kyson held his hand. They didn’t talk much. Once they settled into the ski resort, they went straight back to bed. Life just felt too exhausting. While Kyson slept, Banks stared at the ceiling. His skin itched and his mind raced. He had to force his mind away from his mom. Banks grabbed his phone and searched for jewelers in the area. He didn’t mind paying exorbitant fees as long as they delivered and did so fast. From there, Banks researched getting married where they were. He wanted this now, but he also needed it to be beautiful for Kyson. Thankfully, it looked like he had options. Kyson felt like the only family he had at the moment. He needed to solidify that and ensure Kyson had the protection of his last name. Banks needed something to keep his focus.

With a plan in place, Banks set his phone aside and stared at Kyson. Kyson wore the adorable bat pajamas Banks loved so much. He hadn’t worn them since the day he came to live with Banks. Banks supposed his confession about that day had taken the trauma away from Kyson wearing the outfit. At least, he hoped it had. Kyson was the first person in the world to make him feel like he didn’t break everything he touched.

Kyson rolled. He smiled when he saw Banks awake. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“My mind won’t stop racing.”

Kyson stroked his chest. “What can I do?”

Banks shrugged. “I’m the daddy. I do the soothing.”

A sweet smile touched Kyson’s lips. “Maybe we can take turns sometimes. When you had a daddy—not trying to trigger you—what did he do to help you sleep?”

Banks’ throat nearly swelled closed. “How did you know I had a daddy?” He never wanted Kyson to see him as weak. Banks hated remembering exactly how much power he had handed to someone who didn’t deserve it. His need for love had nearly killed him.

A line appeared between Kyson’s eyebrows. “You told me. That night when I sat with you on the bathroom floor. You told me about him. I’m sorry. It never occurred to me you didn’t remember, or that you didn’t want me to know.” He looked truly upset.

Banks kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a part of my life I try really hard to forget.” He shrugged. “It’s just…”

“Humiliating,” Kyson supplied for him. “I know.” He took a deep breath. “I’m struggling to hang on to the joy I used to feel being a Little. For a while now, every time I walk into The PlayPen, I feel like everyone looks at me and sees me as a weak idiot. I’ve never been so embarrassed to be me as I have been since Jack. But I also don’t know how to make people understand. Anyone crazy enough to do the things Jack did is crazy enough to kill you. To the bottom of my soul, I knew one day he would do just that and it would come sooner rather than later if I left. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up your past. You gave up that side of yourself to survive. I understand.”

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