Page 142 of Outside The Wire

“The pills,” I stressed. “The ones you were carrying on you that day. I carried them with me as a reminder of how I failed you. Do you know how many times I thought about swallowing them and ending it all so I could join you?”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Chase stepped in front of me, pressing his hand to my chest. “Enough, man.”

“No, she came here to win me back and she didn’t believe me when I said it was over. She needs to know why. Move.”

His jaw clenched, but he stepped aside. “Just remember…”

I always fucking remembered.

Jade was sobbing, wiping her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt. “Asher…I never thought…I never meant for any of this to happen. I…Please. We can start over. I know we can get back what we had,” she pleaded.

“You’re fucking toxic to me!” I shouted, getting through to her the only way I knew how.

She gasped, clutching her chest as if I had stabbed her. “Asher…”

“I almost put a bullet in my head and ended it all, Jade. I was this fucking close,” I snapped. “If it wasn’t for Chase tacklingme to the ground, I would be dead right now. I was there. I was ready to end my fucking life because I had failed you. I just wanted all the pain to stop. I was about to do the same fucking thing to them that you had done to me. Don’t you get it? We were not good together. We didn’t fit. We destroyed each other!”

She collapsed into hiccuping sobs on the couch, barely holding it together. If I were the man I used to be, I would go to her and comfort her, but that couldn’t be me anymore. Gone were the days of taking care of each other. It was time for us to both move on. She had to find someone who would love her for her, and me to live my life the way I needed to.

“Not sure that was the nicest way to handle things,” Chase muttered.

“I’m done being nice. That never got me anywhere with her.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“Maybe. But what we both needed was a reality check, and neither of us got it until it was too late.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t agree with it, but I get it. I’ll make sure she gets wherever she needs to go.”

“I appreciate that.”

“What are you going to do about the divorce?”

“I contacted a lawyer today. I’m waiting to hear back from him.”

He nodded. “Well, I hope it all works out the way you want.”

“Me too.”

“You’d better go. I don’t think sticking around is a good idea.”

I looked back at Jade, still in tears on the couch. My heart was telling me to go to her, but my head was telling me that would only start the cycle over again. So, I turned on my heel and walked out the door.

Back to Holly.

Back to my life.

The moment Hollyopened the door, I pulled her into my arms and held on as if she might disappear at any second. I knew I should let her go and tell her what was going on, but I needed these few minutes to anchor myself to this life that I was so afraid of losing.

“Everything okay?” she asked as she stepped back.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“That doesn’t sound very promising.”

“I said what I had to say and I think this time she actually heard me. Chase too. He said he would take her wherever she needed to go.”

Surprise lit her face. “So, she’s leaving?”

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