Page 1 of True Me

Prologue

Rebel

GROWING UP IN Clinton, I learned several lessons starting at an early age. Some of them were good while others were horrible and I hated having to go through the pain of losing those around me I loved the most in the world. However, my grandma always told me we all have to go through life’s lessons in order to learn and grow as a person. That the lessons we live through teach us how strong we are and what we can overcome in order to build the life we truly want. A life that won’t be worth living if we don’t have to suffer in order to be able to appreciate the good times in our lives. I’m not sure how true her words are, but I’ll take them and try to live my life the way she wants me to.

I never wanted to leave Clinton when I was growing up. It was the place all of my happy memories were built and I wanted to remain close to my grandma and the home my parents raised me in. My life was built in Clinton and despite knowing there are so many places in the world to explore and fall in love with, my sights didn’t soar that high because my entire world was in the city I call home. At least that’s what I tell myself because the truth of the matter is I’m scared to leave the only place I’ve ever called home.

The first lesson I learned was at the age of five. That lesson taught me that choices parents make are hard and not what their child wants at the time. My parents are successful business owners and they spend most of their time traveling the world to secure various business deals. I could travel with them when I was little since I had a nanny who would take me out in each new city we stayed in and taught me about the various cultures and sights we saw. When I was of age to start school, my parents made the decision to have me live with my grandma. They didn’t want me to homeschool and be taught by tutors. My parents wanted me to be around children my age and learn to socialize like a normal kid. I hated not being with them but loved living with my grandma.

My grandma supported every decision I made and tried her hardest to give me the life I wanted to live. I was enrolled in gymnastics and started cheerleading as soon as I was old enough. I’d spend countless hours each day once my homework was done watching videos of cheer routines and loved watching the girls be thrown in the air. They looked so weightless and I thought it would make me feel free as if I could conquer anything as long as I was flying through the air and landing on the hands of my base. So, I worked the hardest I’ve ever done in order to become a cheerleader and flyer for my squad. Gymnastics only helped me accomplish my goal and I fell even more in love with the sport regardless of what anyone thought. My grandma made it to every single competition I was in and when my parents were in town, they’d show up and cheer louder than any other parent in the place.

When my parents were in town and had time off from work, I was the sole focus of their world. They’d take me out for meals, help me with school work, go to any competition or school event I had during their time at home, and took me on several vacations. It made the time away from them that much harder even as I grew into a teenager and school and my sports took up all my time. I missed my parents and phone calls just aren’t the same as having them with me in person. No matter how much my grandma loved and supported me, there’s just something about missing my parents that weighed heavy on my shoulders.

My parents supported me and didn’t leave the burden to rest on my grandma’s shoulders. They sent money to ensure I had everything for gymnastics and cheerleading, was able to get new clothes and school supplies at the beginning of each school year, and ensured I was able to buy dresses for school dances. I was given every luxury a teenage girl could want and yet it meant nothing to me. I’d rather my parents be home with us instead of just having their money. Even if I understood how much they loved their job and how much it meant to them.

My second lesson in life started my senior year of high school. A new kid started school. He’s the best looking guy I’ve ever seen in my life. Tall, dark, and handsome was the best way to describe Chad. He was over six foot tall with thick dark hair that always managed to hang down in his eyes. Chad had the brightest green eyes that drew everyone’s attention to him. His body was muscular from his years of playing football and training vigorously. My favorite part of him was his smile. It always lit up a room up and drew everyone into his orbit. We quickly started spending time together and became a couple within weeks of him starting school. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Even my grandma loved Chad. He spent a lot of time at the house with us and was always helping fix things around the house or preparing meals for us on a weekly basis. The few times my parents talked to him, they thought he was a really nice guy too.

Life’s third lesson I was taught came about when I was a senior in high school. Two lessons started in one year and it threw me for a loop if I’m being honest. This lesson is about losing those you love. I lost my parents when the plane they were traveling in crashed and no one survived. No one knows what happened and a thorough investigation was completed. All of the families for those who were lost in the crash asked a million questions about what happened and we never did get the answers we were desperate for. There weren’t any mechanical failures or anything obvious to cause the crash that took too many lives and caused destruction for so many. All I know is for the first time in my life, I was sucked into a dark abyss from the depression consuming me from the loss of my parents.

The first week after their death, I spent alone in my bed with the covers pulled up over my head. I didn’t eat, sleep, shower, or move from the middle of my little seclusion. I wailed, sobbed, and screamed out all of my pain as my grandma and Chad stood by helplessly and watched me with worry and fear in their eyes every time I met their gaze. Neither one of them could do anything to get me out of my bed and I didn’t want them near me. While I never yelled and screamed at them to get out of my room, I didn’t engage with them or even see them in anything other than a thick haze that shrouded me like a blanket I couldn’t unwrap from my body and mind. My eyes might have been open, but I wasn’t seeing anything around me. The only thing I saw was all the memories of my parents that I’ve been able to live over the years.

My grandma took care of all the planning for my parents’ funeral. She got their bodies when they were released and made plans to have them cremated as my mom wished. Grandma met with the lawyer to go through the will. Everything was left to me as their only heir. I even got a trust fund I’ll be able to access when I turn twenty-one. There’s a college fund and a few properties across the world they’ve bought over the years that now all belong to me. I don’t want any of it. I’d rather have my parents back in my life than all the millions of dollars they left me. I don’t want the homes in exotic locations to vacation in because it means they’re gone and never coming back to tell me how much they love me or hold me in their arms. All the material possessions mean absolutely nothing to me without them here to share and build new memories.

The day of the funeral, I finally got out of bed and showered. My grandma laid out my clothes and Chad was there to take us to the church for the small service. Since they were cremated, we didn’t need to go to the cemetery and returned home for the wake shortly after leaving the church. My grandma read a eulogy I wrote because I couldn’t stop crying and wishing the pain in my heart would disappear. I needed my parents and the service made everything real as I made a mess of myself in front of those who came to pay respects to my family. Even my friends couldn’t reach me because I was so completely lost in my own personal hell. I didn’t go right back to bed when we got home but instead went out behind my grandma’s home where the swing sat on the back porch. It’s the last place I sat with my parents as we talked about me starting college and where I wanted to go. Yes, I also had a college fund large enough to pay for an Ivy League school and ensure I had more than enough money that I wouldn’t have to work a single day while continuing my education.

Chad joined me on the swing and didn’t say a word. He held me in his arms as I cried. I honestly thought I had no tears left to cry, but I was wrong. For the third week in a row, I didn’t eat and did nothing but sit outside under the gray sky and wished for the rain to fall down over me. My mom always used to tell me that it rained because the world needed a cleanse and that’s how it was taken care of. Right now, my soul needs to be cleansed from all the hurt filling me. Of all the anger for not knowing what the fuck happened to cause the plane crash that took my parents from me. Instead, the thick clouds and gray sky remained dry as the breeze turned colder and I felt none of it. I was completely numb to the world around me and didn’t give a fuck about anyone near me.

Gradually, I came out of my depression and learned to live my life without my parents. I graduated at the top of my class in high school and spent the summer preparing to start college without Chad. He was going off to an Ivy League school while I was remaining in Clinton to stay with my grandma. Chad hated my decision and we got in so many fights about it. For the first time since we got together, I didn’t want to be anywhere near the fucker. I even broke up with him. Twice. Instead, Chad managed to get back on my good side. I took his ass back like a fool and he went off to his Ivy League school, leaving me behind. This is where the next life lesson truly started to take shape. This one is that not everything, or everyone, is as it seems and wolves hide in sheep’s clothing on a daily basis.

For the first few months, I thought we were doing good. Chad and I talked every day and we used FaceTime. He never once took the initiation to come back to Clinton to visit me. I had to go to him. Everything was okay until the weekend I went to surprise Chad at school. I got to his house and caught him in bed with two other girls. His new girlfriend and her best friend. I caused the biggest fucking scene ever and got him dumped. The girls had no clue he had a long-distance girlfriend back home because he lied about his entire life. I wasn’t mad at them. Everything that happened is because of Chad and his need to have a girl to fuck right at his side. Or to be at his beck and call because he’s a lazy fuck who can’t ever do anything for himself. Yeah, that’s something I ignored during our relationship.

The worst part is Chad asked me to marry him one of the weekends I went down to visit him at school and I said yes like an idiot. I thought he was my person and the reality of the situation is he was nothing more than a lying, manipulative, piece of shit who didn’t deserve any of my time or a piece of my heart. He doesn’t like to be told no and I not only told him no, but I left him and came back home. My plan was to pack anything of his I found and ship it to him. I didn’t give a shit how much it cost to do that as long as I got away from him and never had to see him again. Instead, the stupid fuck made his way to my grandma’s house and tried to fucking guilt me into taking him back. When I stood up for myself, Chad chose to put his hands on me. I was in such a state of shock that I couldn’t fight back. That’s why Pound found me when Chad was beating the fuck outta me

Pound stepped in when he didn’t have to and got Chad away from me after landing several well placed hits. Chad ran off like the little bitch he is. I was thankful to be away from him once and for all. Pound made sure I was okay and took me back to the clubhouse with him. Yes, everyone in Clinton knows about the Fallen Brethren MC. You’d have to be blind and deaf not to know anything about the club of rough looking men who ride through town and protect those who need it. I’ve never felt one way or another about the club or the men and women belonging to it. However, that all changed the day Pound took me away from Chad and ensured I was safe. He didn’t want me going back home with my grandma in case Chad waited there for me and I could see his point. So, I spent my days at the clubhouse and started working behind the bar while taking my classes online so I didn’t have to leave.

It wasn’t long before I became close with Pound. He was there every single second I needed him and even brought my grandma to visit me a few times. She wasn’t scared of the club or the men who occupied the clubhouse. If anything, she made herself at home and earned the respect of the men and women there. She became the unofficial grandma to everyone but loved Pound more than anyone else because he saved me. He sat in Reaper’s office with me as they gave me the choice of my role in the club. I could work the bar and that be the extent of things or I could become a Fallen girl. The girls who live in the clubhouse and are with the men. I didn’t choose to be a Fallen girl. While I don’t judge them for their choices in life, I’ve only been with Chad and didn’t want to spread my legs for every member of the club. I respect myself too much for that. The only person I ever messed around with was Pound and it was never forced or expected. Things just happened a few times between us.

That all changed the day he was killed by a rival and I lost my best friend in the entire world. The club lost two members at the same time and a little girl lost her daddy. My first thought was of losing my parents and the pain I felt during that time. Now, another innocent little girl would feel that pain and never know the man her daddy truly was other than through the memories she was told by the club members and ol’ ladies who knew him. Again, I got sucked into a dark abyss and didn’t leave his room for any reason. No one tried to force me out of his space and left me alone. The only thing they did was bring my grandma to offer me the comfort and love that can only come from a grandma until I could start to pull myself from the bleak world that no longer had three of the most important people in my life in it.

Now I split my time between the clubhouse for the club and my grandma’s house. She’s getting older and needs my help. I’ll never turn my back on the one person in the world who has been there for every single second I’ve triumphed and felt as if the world was closing in around me. She’s my person and I owe her everything because of the love and support she’s given me over the years.

Walking into the house after stopping at the store I find my grandma sitting in her recliner with a serious expression on her face. When she sees me, her face morphs to the happy smile she always tries to show me. Still, I can see the lingering pain, fear, and worry filling her eyes. Fear instantly fills me as I set the bags of groceries down on the counter and sit down on my legs in front of my grandma.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her, my voice breaking as tears already start filling my eyes without knowing what’s going on.

“You know I went to the doctor this morning, Sweetheart. It wasn’t good news. I was given the choice of going through treatment that might not help or just living the rest of my life on my terms,” she says, not holding back as usual because that’s never been our relationship. “I chose to live my life on my terms. I don’t want to spend the rest of my days on treatments that more than likely won’t help me while being so sick I can hardly move. Right now, I need to know you support this decision while we process what’s going to happen moving forward.”

The tears fall from my eyes as my world crashes down around me. I knew my grandma was sick, we both did. She’s been losing weight rapidly, doesn’t have an appetite, and is so tired her body aches most days. My grandma hasn’t been getting out of bed and even when she does, she rarely leaves the house. I tried to push what I was seeing to the back of my mind and pretend it wasn’t happening. Unfortunately, that’s not how life works and this is not the news either one of us was expecting. Especially since my grandma didn’t let me go to her appointment with her. We thought she had a virus of some kind and nothing was going to happen to her.

“I’ll support whatever decision you make just like you’ve always given me your unwavering support. Reaper will understand if I have to step back from the bar and be here with you,” I tell her, trying to stop the sob from escaping as my throat starts to close up with the effort of holding back my tears.

“You don’t have to do that, Rebel. I don’t need you here around the clock,” my grandma states, trying to keep her voice strong despite the tears sliding slowly down her weathered cheeks.

“Yeah, I do, Grandma. I’m gonna be here every single day and ensure you’re not alone. When it gets to the point where you need nursing, we’ll figure things out. I’ll only be at the clubhouse when you’re sleeping and I can get a neighbor over here to stay with you. Reaper and the guys will understand. I never take time off and they all love you,” I tell her, letting her know this isn’t an argument she’s going to win.

My grandma always tells me I’m strong willed just like my mom and she knows better than to argue with me when something is truly important to me.

Getting off the floor, I pull my frail grandma into my arms and hold her close for a few minutes. I press a kiss against the top of her head before releasing her and grabbing the bags of groceries to put away while pulling out my phone and calling Reaper. I’m not lying about him understanding my need for time off. While he’s a fair man, I don’t ever want to cross him. Or anyone else in the club. I’ve seen how they are when someone has gone up against them and it’s scary as fuck.

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