Page 2 of True Me

Reaper doesn’t answer his phone. So I take a deep breath and call Eagle. He’s the Vice President of the Fallen Brethren MC and a man who makes me feel as if my body is on fire and him and one other person are the only ones who can extinguish the flames consuming me. Eagle and Cash are two men I’ve always wanted but have never taken that step with them.

“Rebel,” Eagle’s smooth, deep voice fills my ear as a tremor runs through my entire body. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Eagle, um, I need to take some time off,” I tell him, my voice wavering with emotion as I hear the noise from his end of the phone disappear.

“What’s wrong?” he questions me, his voice alert and tense.

“My grandma got some bad news at the doctor today and she needs me. She doesn’t want to live her days sick from treatment and wants to end things on her terms. I need to be here for her the way she’s been there for me since I was a little girl,” I inform him, my voice breaking as the sobs finally break free.

“We’re on our way, Sweet Girl. Cash and I will be right there,” he says, hanging up the phone before I have a chance to tell him they don’t need to show up.

“Lean on them, Sweetheart. Eagle and Cash will be there for you as long as you don’t shut them out. I know that’s what you’re gonna want to do but I need you to promise me you won’t. Pound was your hero when he saved you from that rat bastard. Eagle and Cash will be your salvation if you truly let them in and show them the true you,” my grandma says as I turn to face her leaning against the wall as her body shakes from head to toe and I rush to her side.

“Grandma, I’ve never been with anyone from the club. Well, I mean, I messed around with Pound but he’s the only one. You know that. Eagle and Cash are just being nice,” I tell her, knowing I don’t measure up to the women they usually fuck at the clubhouse.

“No, they’re not. Those two boys don’t do anything they don’t want to. I see how they look at you and they’re half in love with you already. You’ve made a lasting impression on them and need to let them in. I know you’re scared of getting hurt and losing more people you love. They aren’t going to back down and you’ll need them really soon. I don’t have much time, Rebel. I need to know you’re taken care of and happy. I’d love to see you married, but I fear that’s not in the cards,” she says, a soft smile on her trembling lips as she looks down at me with hope shining in her eyes.

“Grandma, you’re dreaming,” I say as a knock sounds on the door of our small and modest home.

Grandma gives me a knowing look as I make my way to the front door to let Eagle and Cash into the house. We spend the rest of the night talking to my grandma and finding out her wishes for when she’s no longer able to give us her consent moving forward. Even telling me that her funeral is already planned and paid for and the lawyer has everything in order. She double checked while I was still gone to ensure I’d be taken care of and don’t have to do anything in my time of grief as I start to mourn her loss. Something I’m already starting to do even though she’s right in front of me.

Chapter One

Rebel

TODAY IS HORRIBLE.I woke up to my grandma being in so much pain she had tears streaming down her face and it broke something deep inside of me. I’m barely sleeping these days because I know the time with my grandma is getting to be so damn short and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t take away her illness or make her free from the pain filling her body. The medicine she’s on for the pain doesn’t do anything to even take the edge off. I’ve never once believed my grandma would suffer like this from the day she told me she was sick six months ago. No one knows what I’ve been going through with the exception of Eagle and Cash. They were there that day and have stopped over several times just to sit with my grandma and talk to her. She loves their visits and always looks forward to seeing the two men she believes are in love with me. I don’t believe her, but there’s no changing her mind.

The second I saw my grandma writhing in pain, I gave her the pain medicine she takes daily. Sitting in the chair, I held her thin hand and took in all the changes to her. My grandma was once full of life, always moving around and doing something. From the second her eyes opened up until she went to bed, the woman was constantly moving around and working on something. Now, her body is so thin and frail she can hardly stand on her own two feet. She has to use a wheelchair when she chooses to get out of bed and that’s too much for her most days. Her skin is so pale I can see every vein in her body even as it takes on a gray pallor. The long, thick hair she was once so proud of is now thin and falling out more and more on a daily basis. Every single change I take in lets me know this is taking a toll on her and it won’t be long until she takes her last breath. I talk to her about what I plan on doing today and things at the clubhouse. Her doctor tells me it’s important to talk to her and keep things as normal as possible. So, that’s what I do.

Once my grandma falls into a fitful sleep, I finally let the tears I’ve been holding in fall. I don’t hold back as my entire body trembles and I try to remain sitting in the chair I’ve moved by her bedside in the living room. At the same time, I wrap my free arm around my body as if I can comfort myself as my grandma did for so many years. It doesn’t work as my shoulders hunch and I close myself off from the world around me. I don’t want to leave her side tonight, but I have to go to the clubhouse to work the bar. Reaper has been amazing at giving me time off, but I feel as if I’ve taken advantage of his kindness. Without letting go of my grandma’s hand, I carefully lay my head down on the hospital bed next to her and close my eyes, soaking in being this close to her and the faint smell of lilacs that seems to penetrate the sterile smell that’s taken over the home I’ve shared with her since I was five. It’s not often I get to smell her perfume that she insists on wearing daily, but today it’s something I’m desperate to smell.

“Grandma, I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you, but I’m ready to let you go so you don’t suffer any longer. Whatever is the best for you,” I whisper, my voice breaking with the words I don’t want to say because it means I’m letting go of the one person who has always been there for me.

Walking in the clubhouse, I immediately take my spot behind the bar and begin to clean everything up from the day and the Prospects who have stepped in my space to get the guys drinks while I wasn’t here. There’s a new Prospect, Kal, who is learning and he hovers behind me as I wipe down the bar and start figuring out what I need to have restocked for the night ahead of me.

“Is there anythin’ you need me to do, Rebel?” Kal asks me, his voice strong and sure behind me as he rests a hand on my shoulder.

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