Page 224 of Rage

“I mean, obviously, she didn’t kill me, and my brother was already gone.” I stop to clear my throat. “But would she have just killed him? How do we know they’re all Beasts? What if it’s one of the good ones who are just on their own, looking for others like us? I can’t help but think we could help them.”

“Lenora has been keeping us all safe since she found this place. She doesn’t need to give them the benefit of the doubt. Why does she owe it to someone to give them the upper hand? She’s quick and deadly, and with Jones and Antonia at her side, we’re lucky. For every Beast she kills, she keeps us safer for another day,” Tina responds, incredulous at my questions.

“Look, I know the Beasts are just that. But how can she not worry if she’s making a mistake?” I respond, trying to explain all the thoughts warring in my mind.

“She’s made that mistake once, Doc,” Penelope says before bringing a hand to her mouth.

“That’s not our story to tell. If you have so many questions, you should ask her yourself.” I can tell that the conversation isover, and I don’t want them to think I’m being unreasonable so we go on, counting inventory and chatting about the compound they all call home.

Chapter Six

LENORA

Sluggish, I bring myself back to the compound after my second shift of perimeter searches, the second one wider than the first. Last week, we found a lone Beast, and it left me anxious. I can’t shake the feeling that whoever attacked Davey will find us eventually and try to attack us as well or finish the job. Was it the one I took care of? Will it be a pack? No matter. I’ll be ready. That’s the only option.

For years, I have kept this compound safe on the principle that I gathered these people here. Therefore, it’s my duty to help protect them. But one night with Davey has done something irreparable to my brain. Night in and night out, she’s there, in the forefront of my mind. I haven’t been avoiding her, per se. Patrols increased, which means I’m just working more. But when my mind can finally wander and linger on a memory of the past, I no longer remember my pain, or my loss. No. Now, I remember her—her warmth, her wild hair and soft body.

How can someone surrender so willingly and still carry on as if nothing happened? Some days, I see her near the medical tent with the others, but I try not to stick around and distract anyone. We all have jobs that need to be completed before sun up. Right now isn’t the time. I can’t protect her if I’m distracted, and thethought of something harming her causes an odd ache in my chest that I can’t identify.

As I enter my cabin and remove my coverings that are caked in mud and debris from outside the compound, a tingle shoots up my spine. Carefully, my non- dominant hand reaches for the small blade holstered to my thigh.

The cold handle centers me as I lunge towards the dark figure standing near my couch, teeth bared and ready to shed some blood. But what meets me isn’t a Beast; no, it’s terrified brown eyes and wild, curly hair.

“Oh my God!” she screams as I pull back at the last second and stare incredulously at the woman in from of me.

“Are you insane? I could have killed you! You’re lucky this is my cabin and not Antonia’s or Jones’. They would have filleted you!” My mind races with the possibility of hurting her in this sacred place where we shared the best night of my life.

“I’m so sorry! I just wanted to talk, and I figured you’d be back eventually. I didn’t really think.” Holding up a hand, I halt her excuses and sheath my dagger.

“Thank you for not killing me indiscriminately,” she whispers. Not this again. She will never understand the need for safety when she led a charmed life in the aftermath. Not all of us had a trustworthy travel partner.

“Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t have slit your throat if we were outside of the compound gates. Never, and I mean never, sneak up on me. I don’t like it, and I’ve practically trained myself to use the fear and adrenaline to push my knife deeper.” When I’m sure she understands, we take a seat on the couch, and I’m reminded of the first night we spent together.

“But doesn’t this prove there’s good reason to stop and think before,” she swallows before continuing, “killing? What if you accidentally hit Antonia? Or Jones?”

In an effort to contain my ire, I roll my eyes and sigh. “That’s why we train, Davey. That’s why we have hunting parties and perimeter searches in shifts. We've spent years planning and honing our skills while setting up this plan, and you think you’re qualified to comment and make suggestions, because, what? You’re a doctor? Because we slept together? That’s not how this works.” The lid on my box of fury and grief rattles, threatening to burst open.

“No! No of course not! That’s not what…” she sputters. “What you’re doing is wrong! Humans weren’t made to kill with no remorse. It’s why we have empathy. When I took my oath, I promised to treat others with respect, without judgment, and to minimize suffering. I vowed to do no harm!” She raises her voice and stands, looking down on me, and the fragile hold on my lid slips on my hidden box, letting all my deep seated feelings run rampant.

“And after I was brutally assaulted three years ago by a group of beasts, I made a vow to get revenge for the girl they killed that night; to never be unprepared or unwilling to get the job done because of something as silly as morals!” I scream. “They didn’t stop, not even when Ibegged. They didn’t offer me the mercy of death.” Raw energy radiates from my body as I pace the small space.

“But they took from me something I will never get back, something you so desperately cling to. Why do I need to exercise a moral high ground when theyneverwill!? Morals have no place in a world beyond saving, a world where it’s kill or be killed.” I can’t even look at her. She doesn’t know what it was like. There are nights when I can still feel the hands on my body, smell the stench of my blood and urine, see the twisted smiles as they stripped me of my humanity.

“IfIdon’t protect them, what the fuck was the point of creating this compound? This community of people who want tolive free and be respected? You live in a fairytale where there’s time to question whether someone is going to hurt you instead of knowing the odds are never in your favor as a woman. Not anymore.”

I can’t catch my breath in the deep and heavy silence that stretches between us.

“Lenora, I…” she starts, and I can see the tears in her eyes, the pity she holds for the young woman who was ripped away from everything and thrown into the fire with no one to save her but herself.

“Don’t youdarepity me, Davey. Just do your job and follow the rules.” I don’t stop to see what she does. I can’t be in the same room with someone so disconnected from reality that they think there are Beasts worth saving.

The cold shower does little to unravel the knot of my thoughts. After a few minutes, I turn the water warm for a bit. I wonder if she left. Is she still out there, crying into the void? There’s that cutting feeling deep in my chest. Fuck. Why do I care about her? A bleeding heart doctor of all people. Why can’t I just ignore her and move on? Instead, I want to comfort her and tell her it’ll be okay because I’ll teach her everything I know about the Beasts.

But will she ever see my point of view without that well of pity bubbling over in her warm eyes? Can she truly grasp the heinous past that so many of us share? Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever be more than the empty monster she sees when she looks at me. But what’s a Beast to a Monster?

Chapter Seven

DAVEY

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