Page 49 of Hold On Me

“I was debating what underwear to take.” I don’t know why I admitted that. She’s going to tell me to take the lacy things. Maybe that’s why I told her—I can blame her if it turns out to be a mistake.

“Take the pretty sets. He can peel them off you. I can’t believe you’re going to scale Big Ben. I wonder if he bongs when he comes?” I can’t contain the giggles falling from my lips and try to swipe away the excitement and fear that's sweeping into my stomach.

“That’s not going to happen. I’m going in a professional capacity.” I try to make my voice all prim and proper, but her scoff makes me laugh again. “Seriously, I’m not putting myself out there. But…,” I interrupt her protests, “if he puts the moves on, I won’t say no. He irritates me, but I kinda wanna see if I can make him bong.”

Her laughter soothes my anxiety and I grab the fancy sets in a dark green, black, and white, throwing them in my travel duffle. I also ransack my wardrobe and find two of the most stylish dresses I have, folding them carefully into the bag as well. “I’m taking comfy clothes and dressy ones too. Even if it is only for a night or two, I need to be prepared.”

“Spoken like the true Girl Scout you are.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head with a grin on my lips. “‘Be prepared’ is the Boy Scouts’ motto, not the Girl Scouts. And I never was one, by the way.”

“Huh, you look like a Girl Scout. All innocent and ready for everything. I can just picture you in the little uniform, selling cookies door to door. So did he tell you anything else about the trip? And how have you gone from not wanting anything to do with him to wearing matching lace sets for him? I feel like I missed a step. Are you keeping secrets from your British bestie?”

A loud groan falls from my lips. I never told her about the kiss. “There may have been a kiss.” A squeal pierces my ear drum. “But I don’t have time to go over it. Call Jameson. He knows, and he’ll tell you.”

With a small giggle and a promise of finding out all he knows, she hangs up.

I wonder why she didn’t call me out for not telling her, but quickly put it out of my mind, grabbing my birth control and throwing it into the bag before heading back to my car. Angie’s question is ringing through my head as I start to drive. HowdidI get to this point?

After Thanksgiving, we went back to the dance of him pretending I was a stranger and me pretending I didn’t like him very much. He’d ignore me, only communicate via emails, and I was reminded of how much I disliked his arrogant ways. I mean I was a little hurt, but what did I expect from him? This was his MO. We get a little closer, flirt, and then he retreats. It was how he worked. And I was content with that. It’s why I’d vowed to not play these games again.

But our kiss and game night with the boys seems to have had a different effect on him. He seems to have changed his tactics, which has caused me to change my mind entirely.

The kiss was the best one of my damn life. Of course it was. It took my breath away. Forced me to admit to myself what I’d been hiding away from and had me running from the building like I’d been caught trying to rob it. After that kiss I knew I liked him, needed to taste him properly, and wanted more than a one-night fling. But I ran because I couldn’t bear it if he shut me out again. Pretended like I was some faceless employee or someone he didn’t like.

Instead of doing that, he’s done the opposite. Everything work related is now donewithme. He hasn’t resorted to sending emails or text messages with one line directions. He has coffeeready for me in his office every morning and we go through his schedule together. We’ve planned the office Christmas party together, and even with the mundane tasks like ordering catering, he’s been by my side.

It was unnerving at first, having him around all the time. I struggled to hide my smiles, my feelings, and after a few days like that, I started to accept this was the new norm. So when he flirted with me, I flirted back. The banter and tension is still there, but it’s like we’ve both accepted the inevitable. We like each other. That’s why this trip, no matter how brief, feels like another step in the right direction.

I don’t know what I wantfromhim, but I know I wanthim.And not for a one time thing either.

I feel comfortable with him. He knows what happened at the school, and he hasn’t brought it up or questioned my actions. He just accepted that I knew what I was doing. And because he knows, he’ll understand why I don’t want a high profile fling. He’ll get it.

And a small part of me wonders if this trip is an ulterior motive for him. Is he taking me because he wants to sleep with me? Away from the prying eyes of the town? Or is it more?

The conversation we had over lunch a few days ago sits heavily on my mind as I wait for the light to turn green again.

“You’ve never been to the city? You live in New York and you’ve never been to Central Park or Rockefeller Center?”

His wide eyes and the disbelief in his voice makes me laugh and shift a little awkwardly. These conversations always make me a little antsy. People have a tendency to judge first and ask questions later.

I grab the sandwich from his desk and start to unwrap the foil as he copies me and does the same with his lunch. He doesn’t speak, just raises that damn brow of his, letting me know he expects more of an answer than a shake of my head.

“Nope. Never.”

Taking a bite of my sandwich, I watch as he raises both brows, this time wanting me to elaborate, and chew quickly. I roll my eyes, take a swig of my water, and sigh loudly as he mumbles ‘brat’ under his breath. A smirk tipping the corner of his lip up sets my blood on fire, and I have to avert my gaze to keep it under control.

“Never been anywhere near it. Dad isn’t one for city life. And to be honest, when I was younger, I never had a lot of opportunities for vacations with him. He had to work. The Bradys offered to take me to London when they visited Edie, but I didn’t want to go. Leaving my dad alone didn’t feel right. But I’ve always wanted to visit the city. Especially at Christmas time. The snow on the ground, magic in the air, ice skating at Rockefeller—it’d be like something out of the movies. Magical.” A wistful tone has taken over my voice, but it’s squashed by Ben’s scoff.

“Magical? I think you mean manic. All those people, the biting cold, the constant noise of Christmas songs blaring from everywhere you go. You’d be better off visiting in the summer. Everything’s better with a little sun.”

All of the joy buoying up my expectations for this trip deflates. It’s a coincidence. He didn’t plan this as a romantic gesture. The opportunity to get away from prying eyes and take this flirtation to the next level, if that’s what this even is, just happens to be a convenient element of a business trip to New York City.

This isn’t a romance story, and we aren’t destined to be together forever, but maybe we can still enjoy some fun times in the city that never sleeps.

26

PENNY

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