Page 82 of Collateral Damage

“What i-s it to you..” I'm rejected once more, but her attempts are weaker as she actually begins to use me for support.

“Stop being silly. Let me look.” The gash on her lip is still bleeding, crawling down her chin and I hate that I'm even blushing at the thought of kissing her right now.Is that wrong of me?

“I don't need your he-lp.” She is still fighting me. Even now when she's vulnerable and fragile. She's still finding reasons to build a wall that's practically broken. We've been through this. And right now is the worst time to push me away.

“You're bleeding. Sit down.” I gently reach for her forearms, trying to guide her to the sofa but I'm left with a hole as she rips her arms out of my hold.

“I s-aid I'm fine…” Sometimes I really wish I could beat some sense into her. Maybe this is a good thing. A lesson on stupidity.

“Where did you go? How the hell did you get home? Did you drive?” She's acting like a child as she sniggers, incoherent movement as she sways trying to find her feet but she's completely out of it and this is not something I wanted to be dealing with.For Gods sake.

“No, I flewwww.” She's being absolutely ridiculous, finding amusement in her joke but I glare at her blankly, trying to figure out what the hell she finds so funny. This impulsive spurt of idiocy could have gone terribly wrong.

“Hayden. This isn't funny.” I cross my arms, watching her make a complete fool of herself as she giggles at nothing, pinching her fingers together as she peers at me through one intact eye.

“Tis ju-st ah lilllllll-ll bi-t.” I'm glad she’s finding this amusing, collapsing into her own body as she belly laughs into me, pushing me down with her weight and I think she forgets she’s three times the size of me, almost crushing me as she is completely oblivious to her own strength.

“Woah there. Easy does it big guy. I'm only small.” Her laughs turn silent, trying to catch up with her own muddled up emotions as we usher towards the sofa, letting her fall almost on her face as she crawls into the cushions like an animal for closure, kicking her head back, hanging off the arm of the chair and I can tell she is not here right now.

“Don't move.” She lets a huffed out laugh escape, trying to focus on the ceiling as her head spins, I can physically see her world turning as she struggles to look straight, rolling into theback of her head whilst I head to the sink, grabbing the nearest tea towel, drowning it under the cold water along with a glass.

“Yes, Mom...” She mumbles, groaning at her uncomfortable aches and pains, trying to adjust in the seat as she continues to whisper into the nothingness and my heart sinks.“I’m s-orry mom…” I stand by the sink wanting to wrap my arms around her in the tightest embrace, but I stand stationary with the cloth dripping on the tiled floor as I watch her head role. “F-for-give me…”A tear follows until I blink, wiping my wet cheek before making my way back to her,watching her eyes now on me upside down as I approach her.

“Why were you so stupid?” I lift her head, surprised to see her let me, but by the whites in her eyes, she’s fading fast, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Becaausee-... I am…” I grip her chin gently, trying to tend to her wounds, dabbing the cuts delicately not to harm her but she's too off it to care, instead peering back at me like a lovesick puppy and I hate what she does to me. How no matter how hard I try to resent her; she looks at me and suddenly none of it matters.

“No. You’re careless. There is a difference.” I try to avoid eye contact but I can feel her burning a hole in the side of my head as I glare at the gash in her mouth, wiping it gently, trying to figure out why the hell she would get into a fight with someone on the most important day of the year.

Play - ‘Drugs - EDEN’

“I’m sorry…” My heart sinks to the trenches of the ocean, where I’d been crying so many tears earlier today. I’d like to say I know she is but I'm finding it so hard to understand why she chooses to be so cold. So stagnant. Emotionally unavailable. When all I've done is show her I'm right here.Why can’t she seethat?It’s like she is trying to be difficult to love so I’ll give up.But I'm not giving up.

“For what?” She slumps back in the chair, admitting defeat as I eventually lock eyes with her, trying to draw her responsibility out but her eyes are the definition of a calm before the storm. So bright they could blind you, leaving you star struck by their beauty but filled with a heavy darkness untold just waiting to consume you with its wrath.


“I g-et it…I hate, me to-” My anger softens behind my eyes, letting my empathy slide through as I stare at her heavy lids, trying to hold back my impulsive need to shut her up with my mouth.I do hate her.But only because she makes it so easy toloveher. When I really shouldn’t. When I really don’t want to. Right now I should be sitting in a police station, filling out forms and trying to escape this trauma.Escape her. I’ve had so many opportunities to walk out that door but I'm still here. Doesn’t that tell her something?Isn’t that enough?

“I didn-t use you…” She mumbles, only just making out the syllables as I wipe the blood from her nose, cleaning up her self-harm. I don’t know why I'm trying to decipher what she's saying when she's intoxicated like it means anything right now.

“I’m- just af-raid…” She confesses. My jaw hangs low, eyeing her as she glances at my bottom lip like a chew toy stirring an unknowing guilt to let her have it.

“Afraid of what.” I play on her vulnerability slightly, cooing the words out of her as the gap between us closes and I probably shouldn’t. But she makes even the darkest of temptations seem feasible when adrenaline is your new power hungry, sucking in the familiar stench of metal under my nose as her open wounds still bleed.

“Who- I’ll be if I- let you in…” She jolts through her pain as she tenses her jaw muscles like she’s forcing herself to hold back just as much as I am. She’ll be free if she lets me in, she just needs to realise that feelings are not terrifying. Caring for someone is not a death sentence and Love isnotpunishable.

“I can handle it.” Truthfully. I’m terrified to learn more of her monsters lurking in the shadows, but she doesn’t scare me anymore. My chest tightens as she leans in, gripping the back of my hair with sloppy temperance as her blooded lip grazes mine, smearing it against my fleshy skin and I can feel myself burning up, licking it off slowly so eager to taste it.I don’t know what that says about me.But it only leaves me craving more and I slowly latch onto her wound, tugging it with my teeth before sucking it gently in my mouth. I let my tongue dance against the ball of metal as she hisses, tasting her sweet metallic wine on my tongue, throbbing as she groans into my mouth with nothing but pure satisfaction, feeding her sickness with more pain. I can’t deny, the way she’s reacting is making me feral to hurt her harder. Let her feel my storm as I claw at her face with my fingers, dragging her into a kiss so ferocious it’s barely a kiss. It’s emotions far greater than lust can comprehend. A vexation for understanding through the only way we know how. The only way she will understand.

Anger.

Her hands ride up my back, sitting up in the seat as she pulls me into her body making me straddle her waist, cupping her hips with my thighs and her bulge sends waves up my spine as I sit, pressing into me, drawing out an unexpected whimper. I know we shouldn't. I know this goes against everything I'm trying so desperately to hate her for. She said it herself; sex means nothing to her but the way she's clawing at me like I'm her oxygen is driving me beyond insanity. She's insatiable and I'm foolish enough to give in.

“Alora…” She groans down my neck filled with pent up resentment and I can tell she is trying to fight this just as much as I am but we are both thirsty to feelnumb.

“Don't…” I whine breathlessly through her kisses; I don't want her to stop. I'll figure out my feelings tomorrow but for right now I need to lose myself in her touch. This drive to let go in her arms is taking up my moral compass and she doesn't fight it.How do you fight someone you have found freedom inside?

She kisses me harder, sloppier, panting like a dog as she sucks my skin into her mouth, gnawing at my neck as she sinks her teeth into my flesh and it's a pain I've fallen in love with. It's euphoric, drowning out my head as I flop into her dominant hand cupping my throat, feeding on my jugular like a starved night eater, tugging at my hips guiding them to grind against her cock only forcing my irrational greed.