Page 46 of Before the Storm

“All right, honey,” Tara breathed. “You can go. But I need you back a few days before you start high school. We have to go clothes shopping. We have to get you ready.”

Winnie gave Tara an enormous hug, one far bigger than any she’d given Tara in four or five years.

“Thank you, Mom,” Winnie breathed. “It’s exactly what I need.”

You don’t know what you need, Tara didn’t say.

The next day, Tara helped Winnie pack for a month away from home. Winnie was excited, googling everything there was to know about North Carolina, learning about the culture, the food, and the way life was in their little coastal town. Winnie was an ocean girl, and Tara was grateful she wouldn’t be far from the water. In a sense, that water would always connect them.

Donnie was supposed to pick Winnie up in two days. During their wait, Tara and Winnie were incredibly kind to one another, going out to eat, going on beach walks, watching television, and laughing. But late at night, Tara was doubled over with sorrow and fought not to call Josie to ask for emotional help.I pushed Josie out. I have to let her live her life now. I can’t come crawling back.

Tara knew that stubbornness would be the death of her. But she clung to it.

Tara’s private hope was that Donnie wouldn’t make it.

It stood to reason that he wouldn’t. Even though he was supposedly sober, he was still an alcoholic. He was still Donnie, that ragtag musician she’d fallen in love with at age twenty, the guy who’d never had more than a couple of bucks to spare, who’d never taken Tara to a fancy dinner or paid for his share of the mortgage. Tara imagined herself helping Winnie unpack her suitcases. She imagined holding Winnie as she cried and telling her,I’ll always be here, honey. Your dad left for a reason.

It floored Winnie when Donnie pulled into the driveway twenty minutes before he said he would. Donnie had never been early in all the years Tara had known him. He’d never looked like this: muscular, tan, clear-eyed, and smiling. He looked kindand compassionate and wealthy in a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt that didn’t show a single sweat stain. He’d driven up from North Carolina by himself, leaving his new wife and son at home alone. Tara tried to find a way to criminalize that decision. But really, all Donnie was doing was trying to get to know Winnie. He was trying to make up for lost time.

Winnie yelped and ran up to hug him. Tara couldn’t remember the last time Winnie had greeted her like that.

Donnie hugged Tara, too. She didn’t know what to do when he reached out, and she entered his arms and hugged him as though they’d been friends for years. She wanted to shove him and say,Your lawyer threatened me!But she also felt Winnie’s eyes on her. She wanted to be on her best behavior.

“Nice car,” Tara said instead.

It was a Mercedes.

“I figured it was time to upgrade from the truck,” Donnie joked.

“It’s gorgeous!” Winnie cried, hauling one of her suitcases to the trunk.

Tara tried to help them load Winnie’s bags, but Donnie took all the bags himself and slotted them into the trunk like a game of Tetris.

He’s performing his duties as “father,”Tara thought darkly.

“Here,” Tara said, handing Donnie a little notebook into which she’d written important phone numbers and facts about Winnie. “You’ll need these.”

Donnie didn’t even glance in the book. “Thanks,” he said, then pocketed it.

“You’ll take care of her?” Tara asked.

“Mom,” Winnie moaned.

“Please, tell me you will,” Tara pressed.

“Of course I will,” Donnie said. “She’s my little girl, too. Aren’t you, squirt?”

Winnie cackled and came over to give Tara a side hug. It felt more like a smack.

“I love you, honey,” Tara said. “Call me when you get there?”

“Sure,” Winnie called.

She disappeared into the front seat of her father’s car. Tara’s heart throbbed.

“It’ll be good,” Donnie told Tara. His eyes glinted strangely, like a cat’s. “We’re going to have a grand old time. I’ll send you pics.”

Tara crossed her arms so tightly that the bones popped. She watched from the top of the driveway as they pulled out and whipped down the road out of sight.

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