Page 13 of A Song of Death and Desire

I’ve lost my girlfriend, my friends, my job, and my sanity. I don’t even recognize myself anymore and I sure as hell have nothing back home waiting for me. I’m not sure if she saved meor attacked me but perhaps, she is drawn to me the same way that I am to her. Maybe I need to beinthe ocean for her to sense me. I look once more at the violent waves and my resolve strengthens. She will come for me. She will come for me, or I’ll die. Either way, I’ll be free.

I tug at the strands of my hair in distress as this crazy man risks his goddess damned life coming back out into the ocean in the middle of a fucking storm. Are all humans this dumb? Or is this one particularly special? Does he really not care about his life at all?

His boat is thrown around wildly by the raging waters, waves crashing over the sides, drenching the deck and sometimes, Eagan himself. I've seen him out here every day for the past five days. He does the same thing every time, which is a whole lot of nothing. He just waits. For something.

I swim closer to the boat, getting more concerned by the minute as the storm builds in intensity. Over the sound of the roaring wind, I hear Eagan screaming. He's standing on the edge of the boat and my stomach rolls like the turbulent seas. Something is very wrong.

I propel myself forward until I reach the back of the boat. He can't see me but the words that he is bellowing out to the storm reach my ears.

“I don't know who, what or where you are but I can't do this anymore. All I hear is your song and all I see is your fucking face. I’ve lost everything. You've ruined my life. I hate you but I want you so desperately at the same time. I hope you're pleased to have been my destruction.”

I stare in shock as I comprehend his words. Is this… is this my fault? I’ve never given much thought to what would happen to someone who had heard our song but not succumbed to death. As far as I know, it’s never happened. Is this what happens when a human hears our song and lives to tell the tale? Does our song do something to their minds? Something that never allows them to truly escape us, bringing them back to the ocean again and again.

I feel sick, my recent meal threatening to make a reappearance. Is it possible that in trying to save this man's life, I destroyed it instead? Fuck! I have been responsible for many deaths, but I do not want to be the cause of this one. I don't know why this man is different from the rest, but I will not be the destruction he believes me to be.

I watch in horror as he pulls himself up so that he is standing on the edge, his hair whipping in the storm and the rain pelting his skin.

“If you don't find me, at least I'll be free from this curse,” he calls before launching himself into the treacherous waters.

A scream leaves my lips before I dive down, pushing myself to swim as fast as possible towards him. The storm above has caused the ocean to become dark and murky, but I am still able to find him. He isn't swimming. He isn't doing anything. He is sinking rapidly, the waves pulling him further, further down. The realization hits me, and it feels like all the air has left my lungs.

He's trying to kill himself. My song truly has driven him to madness. To the point where death seems like the only way out. I can't let this happen.I won't.

In seconds I'm at his side. His eyes widen, filled with both terror and longing. Bubbles leave his mouth, and I panic recognizing that he has just expelled any remaining air in his lungs. I wrap my arms around him. He flails at the contact but quickly goes limp. He's lost consciousness and I'm running out of time.

It's not long before I am able to pull him to the surface. But the gasping breaths I expect from Eagan don't come. I give him a shake, but he remains lifeless, his skin pale and his lips taking on a bluish hue.

“No, no, no,” I cry, acting on pure instinct as I pull Eagan along with me to the shore that seems an impossible distance away. At my full strength, dragging a human through the water wouldn't be much of a problem but it's been too long since I've consumed a soul. Despite my belly being full of the bland fish I ate earlier; it isn’t enough to increase my energy when I haven’t had a soul. I'm weak and every beat of my tail drains me more. He's dead weight at this point and the ocean has a mind of its own as it thrashes around us, determined to pull him from my grip.

Time slows and all I can concentrate on is the beach as it gets closer. My muscles strain with the effort of pulling him along and resisting the strong pull of the tides.

Eventually we make it. I'm sobbing as I pull myself onto the sand, dragging Eagan behind me. I barely notice my tail transforming into legs as all my focus is on him. Everything about this moment is reminiscent of the first moment I saw him. The rain falling in heavy sheets around us, the screaming wind, and the crashing of waves.

All those weeks ago I sat beside him in this very spot and contemplated taking his life. I made a choice to let him livebut here he is in the same position and this time I'm not just standing by. This time I’m desperate to save him.

I lay him down on the sand on his back and start hammering his chest, trying to push the water out of his lungs. I think I'm crying but the tears just blend in with the rain. Everything around me fades into the background as I compress his chest over and over again. All the noise disappears until the only thing I can hear is the steady thump thump of my hands on his chest and my pulse that seems to beat in time, filling my ears with its rhythm.

I don't know how long I have been sitting here, crying for a man I don't know and hoping that against all odds I can revive him. I don’t even know what will happen if he wakes up or how I will solve this problem. All I know is that hehasto wake up.

Just like our last meeting he begins to violently cough, gasping for breath and expelling floods of water. He heaves and heaves and I wonder how a person can survive after taking on so much water.

This time, instead of running away or putting him under the spell of my song, I stay. I wait as he fills his lungs with air once more. As the color returns to his face and his lips become the beautiful pink they were before. I hesitantly stroke his back with soft movements, trying to soothe his distress. When he has fully regained consciousness and the ability to breathe, he finally becomes cognizant of my presence. He stills and then slowly turns to face me. He looks at me with a mixture of wonder and fear.

“You,” he breathes, voice raspy. “You came for me. I knew you would.” I nod, not quite able to find words. He reaches out a hand towards my face as if to caress my cheek. I move forward slightly to meet him, and his hand drops to my throat and tightens. I squirm, attempting to move, but he brings his other hand to join the first at my neck and squeezes. I let out a cry andkick out my legs and claw at his hands. I'm so confused. It hurts and I can't breathe. I stare into his beautiful sapphire eyes and right now all I see is fury.

“You monster. You have ruined my life,” he growls as I thrash beneath him. I can feel the way his body violently shakes and I’m unsure if it is from the cold, adrenaline or anger or some combination of the three. I think he’s going to kill me.

As quickly as it began, his grip on my throat loosens and I instantly scuttle backwards away from him with a whimper as I gasp for breath. A scream tears from his throat as he falls to his knees and all I can feel is his anguish as he bellows into the storm.

He turns to me but I'm afraid of what I will see in his eyes. He makes no effort to move towards me this time, but I’m prepared now, ready to act if he comes for me again. I didn’t expect this kind of violence. Maybe that was naive of me but now I don’t know how to move forward.

“I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean to. I just… Do you know what you have done to me? You have made me crazy. All I see is your face and all I hear is your song. I've lost everything that means something to me in this life. I feel like I'm at war with myself. There's one part that needs to see you, touch you, feel you. But the other part wants to see the life leave your eyes in payment for my life that you have destroyed.”

I hear his words and immediately feel like I'm going to vomit. The thought hits me moments before I do just that.

Chapter 13

My eyes don't leave the woman as she bends over and empties her stomach onto the sand. What an absolute fucking nightmare this is. I almost killed myself, the woman who has been haunting me found me, and then I almost killed her. I curse the world again for putting me in such a god-awful position.

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