Page 48 of A Song of Death and Desire

When I’m done, I lay down beside her but I’m unable to close my eyes. I almost lost her. The thought of her not being in my life anymore is inconceivable. I don’t know how it happened, but she has become irreplaceable in my life. I look forward to seeing her every day and she has fit so seamlessly into my world. I’ve been denying it, but I can’t escape the truth anymore. I love her.

I thought what I felt for Kelly was love. And maybe it was. But it wasn’t love like this. My love for Kelly was steady. Calm. But with Kairi it is an all-consuming, desperate, and intense love. The kind that builds from the passion of hate, creeping up on you until you realize that it was never truly hate at all.

I don’t know how long I spend with my eyes trailing every inch of Kairi’s body, not with lust but with a determination borne from the desire to protect. She’s hurt and I won’t allow anyone to harm what’s mine again.

Kairi groans as her eyes flutter awake. She rolls tentatively to face me, and I stare into her emerald green eyes.

It takes me a moment to form the words I want to speak, but eventually, I’m able to utter them. “I love you,” I murmur.

A soft gasp escapes her as her eyes widen. “What?”

“I love you. It’s not just sex between us. I don't think it ever really was. I was afraid and I judged you unfairly for circumstances out of your control. I love you and the thought of losing you is terrifying. Promise me you won’t do anything like this again.”

“I promise,” she replies, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“Good. Because we’ve both been through a hell of a lot in a short space of time to find each other and I’m not prepared to give you up.”

Her face lights up with the smile I’d sell my soul for. It’s funny. She saved my life by not consuming my soul, but it seems like I’ve given it to her willingly anyway, along with my heart.

“I love you too,” she says, and I can’t stop the smile that takes over my face. Conscious of her sore body, I wrap a hand around her back and gently pull her closer to me. She tilts her head to look at me and I kiss her. She attempts to push closer to me and deepen the kiss, but I pull back. She gives me the most adorable little pout in response.

“Vicious one, you’re injured. I’m not going to do anything that might hurt you right now.” She lets out a frustrated sigh but doesn’t try again. We will have plenty of time for all the ways I want to ravish her later.

“What are we going to do about Vala?” she questions.

“I don’t know but we are not going to talk about it until you have rested and are feeling better. That’s all we are going to do today. We are going to stay in bed and rest.”

“Hmm,” she agrees and nuzzles her face into my chest.

Chapter 46

He loves me.

I can’t stop my lips from turning up in a smile when I feel the warmth of Eagan’s body pressed against mine as I slowly regain awareness.

He loves me.

I would have taken any scraps of affection he offered me, but the thought of love was something I had tried not to let myself hope for. Not after the hatred he directed towards me at the start of all this. I wasn’t sure if he could ever truly put our differences aside and the atrocities I committed in the name of survival. I know that I am deserving of love but that hadn’t stopped the doubts from taking root, the fear of rejection so potent that it crushed my self-confidence along with my hope.

My eyes open and I’m forced back to reality. My whole body stings, burns and itches. The care Eagan took in cleaning andbandaging my wounds last night was wonderful and at least I can be reasonably sure that I won’t get any nasty infections. But the pain reminds me of everything that has happened. And everything that still needs to be done. I can’t let Vala get away with what she is doing and although Eagan has told me he will back me up, we are no closer to a plan to overcome her. Add in her asshole birds and the whole thing feels impossible.

Grief and sadness churn away within me as I remember the life leaving Sam’s eyes as Vala consumed his soul. Our encounter was brief but I know he was a good guy, a sweet guy. He didn’t deserve what happened to him. It occurs to me that the people Vala is killing might not all be strangers. There’s nothing stopping her from entrancing the people I’ve grown to care about. She could take Sienna, Tom, Lacey or Kelsey. The realization hits me hard and this problem becomes more personal than it was before. I can’t let her do anything to the new family I have made for myself.

I fidget, the need to get out of bed and start formulating a plan warring with the desire to stay curled up with the man I love and forget the rest of the world exists. I curse under my breath, deciding that it’s time to pry myself away.

The moment I move, Eagan’s arm snakes out and wraps around me, pulling me close once more. I wriggle against his tight hold even though the movements cause my wounds to pull and sting. “We need to get up, Eagan. We can’t just stay here together in peaceful ignorance. The more time we waste, the more people she can kill.”

He lets out a sigh. “You’re right. I just know you’re safe here, and getting up means discussing ways you can put yourself in danger again, and I’m not looking forward to that.”

I nod in understanding. “I don’t like it either, but I can’t let this go.”

Groaning, he pulls his limbs from mine and rolls out of bed. I take a moment to peruse his gloriously naked body— the slightly tanned skin, his muscles, not huge and bulky but show that he is strong, and the light trailing of dark hair that runs from his navel downwards. He smirks when he notices me unabashedly checking him out.

“Like what you see?” He teases.

“You look good enough to eat,” I joke back. This time he laughs and it’s a testament to just how different things are between us that I can make jokes about eating him without him looking horrified.

I go to shower, and to my surprise, he follows me in. It’s barely big enough for the both of us, and I giggle, trying to position our bodies in a way that allows us both to be under the stream of water. I hiss as the touch of the water causes a searing pain that radiates from each and every cut and scratch.

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