Page 39 of Right in Front of You

I felt my body tense as his voice bounced back after few seconds. Maybe the truth would work. Maybe it was better to get this over with.

“I… I…. No. I didn’t.”

I shook my head. Carter let go of my hands and searched the forest floor, where Father had conveniently thrown a lighter and the soiled rug. “What’s this?” he asked.

All I could do in response was shrug.

“I don’t believe you.” He shook his head in bewilderment. “They’ll match the fuel from your hands to that in the barn.”

How could he not believe me? Did he not know me at all? He would believe me if I explained what happened, though part of me didn’t want to tell him. Part of me wanted Carter to have faith in our friendship and our words. A true friend didn’t need proof; but this was different. I was about to confess to starting a fire to a man who had just this morning had told me that he was going to finish his training as a firefighter. It would break his heart. I would break his heart, and I couldn’t do it.

Just as I was about to spill everything, from the corner of my eye I saw Father peeking from behind a cluster of shrubs. He waved his index finger at me in warning, and I recoiled.

“Fine. I did it.”

I couldn’t stand the look of surprise, confusion, and disappointment on his face, and I shut my eyes. He had to believe me.

“Why?” he asked.

If he knew the truth, I’d lose him. I’d wipe years of friendship away. The only hope I had was that with time, I could maybe heal what I’d just broken. I got myself together on the inside and gave him the second biggest lie of my lifetime.

“For the same reason that I cut my wrists. I’m sick, okay? I do these crazy things from time to time. Why do you think it’s hard for me to come back to town? I don’t have happy and colorful childhood memories, the way you do. Not the kind you do or anyone does. I can’t help it when I come back. All these emotions take over, and I didn’t take my medication today because I was in a hurry to get to Nick’s funeral.”

“We all have problems, Molly. Wait – what medications?”

This could work. He could believe this, and I’d keep all my secrets stashed deep inside me.

“I’m getting help, but it’s not always easy.” I looked toward the shrubs again, but Father had disappeared. Still, I knew he was near. I knew he was listening.

“What kind of help?” he asked.

“At the hospital. Are you going to tell them?”

He couldn’t. Carter would keep my secret because that was the kind of friend he was. He’d keep it, no matter how much it killed him on the inside.

“Don’t ask me to hide this. You know how I feel about arson.”

Please believe me.Please drop it. I had one additional piece of ammunition I could use against him. One that would ensure he didn’t speak about today to anyone else.

“I won’t be able to become a nurse. I won’t get my license. I’ll be forced to come back here and live in Hope Bay, and I’m not sure that I can handle that.”

He gritted his teeth. I saw the anger rise on his face. Disappointment and sadness beamed from his eyes.

“Molly, this doesn’t make any sense.”

This was it. He’d never talk to me again.

“Please. You have to believe me. I did this. Not anyone else. But I promise that I’m getting better. I’ll pay for any damage, just as long as what happened here can stay between the two of us.”

He looked so confused. I could tell that he didn’t want to believe my words, but he did. My own heart hurt at the pain I saw him in at the moment. He trusted me, but I had no choice.

“Good luck with your studies, Molly.”

I gasped as he turned on his heel and left. If there was one silver lining to watching him leave me in the forest, it was that my father was gone as well.

* * *

Dear Carter:

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